#sane

It’s interesting to me all the stories and twisted narratives I have read about this whole Sam and Steph situation.

I teach logical thinking and debate at the college level. I continuously remind my students to be aware of their own confirmation bias. Their tendency to see a story in a way that reinforces what they already believe and to only read sources that confirm their belief- their own echo chamber, if you will. If you are a Sam and Cait shipper you see one reality, if you are a Sam hater you see another reality, if you want to see Sam in a loving relationship you see yet another reality. But honestly none of us knows the real truth because all we know is what Sam and Steph choose to let us know. Social media is not real life, it’s a curated story . One we all participate in on social media. I personally have more than one SM account that’s not in my real name, mainly because I don’t want my students to find me on social media. I prefer to keep my personal stuff separate from my professional life. Our own confirmation bias causes us to see “patterns” of his behavior that reinforce what we already have decided we think of him.

There’s a well-known principle called Occam's razor that suggests, when faced with competing hypotheses, the one with the fewest assumptions is most likely to be correct. It is also known as the principle of parsimony or the rule of economy, emphasizing that one should not introduce more entities or causes than are necessary to explain a phenomenon. In other words, the simplest explanation is often the correct one.

I’ve read way too many posts that argue that this whole story is a PR manufactured circus. But logically, what for? For all intents and purposes OL is done. Filming is finished. If there was some big secret that has been protected for 12 years, isn’t it time to just own it? And what would be the purpose of creating some fake narrative about a recently widowed woman and her child? Why would Sam do that? Why would he allow that knowing himself about growing up with a single mom? What would he gain? I have seen people post that they have lost respect for him, that Steph just wants another father for her daughter, that they are using this relationship to manipulate the fans. For what logical purpose? So, if Caitriona is liking Steph’s posts about her time with Sam, is Caitriona just a manipulative liar too? Or more logically, is she a supportive friend who is happy for Sam? Anyone who has watched CB for years post about issues that impact children, even when she gets backlash, that woman would participate in a narrative that uses and manipulates a child?? Why?

Sam has said and written many times that he keeps his private life secret as much as he can. He’s admitted in his own book to fearing that he might be like his father and repeat the same mistakes. He’s admitted that he is a people pleaser and doesn’t like to upset people. He’s even admitted that he hasn’t been great at relationships in the past and that he works all the time and has put his career first for years. He has shared , or allowed signs of relationships to be shared publicly before and every time the woman has been harassed, stalked, contacted, followed, body shamed, and trashed here on Tumblr and on other SM platforms. In his place, I would want to keep my relationship private too.

Occam’s Razor , the simplest answer, tells me that two people met, possibly under professional circumstances. He had followed her for a long time. Maybe because of her art. Maybe because she had modeled. Maybe because a friend of his followed her and he thought her posts looked interesting. Maybe he reached out to her to have her make that pendant for him. However it happened, they met. They got along well. They were both attracted to one another and this relationship turned into something neither of them expected. They are taking their time. Getting to know each other. He is spending time with her daughter. They are both busy people. She’s completing her 2nd Master’s degree and raising a daughter. She’s creating art and trying to do animal therapy with people. They are two grown ass adults living their lives whose paths have crossed and they are enjoying time together. No one knows how long it will last nor if they will get closer or split up and just move on with their lives. We are only speculating- mostly through the lens of our own biases.

Does it really have to be anything else? Or do we just need to twist it to fit our own bias about who he is?

And all I know from what I’ve seen about Steph is that she’s attractive, very creative, intelligent ( 2 Master’s degrees are nothing to laugh about), loves animals and nature. I know she and her first husband divorced but I have no idea why. I cannot say that either of them isn’t a good parent. I don’t know them. I can see that they both still follow family members from their ex’s family. I know that she found another love who appears to have been a good man. I know he died suddenly and spent his last days in a Hospice home. So this young 35-36 year old woman has already been through more pain and trauma than many of us experience in our whole lives. No one should grief shame her. We have NO IDEA what she has already been through nor what she may still be working through. I have seen nothing of her that makes me think she’s using her daughter for publicity. If she did her ex would have every right to sue for full custody.

I just see two ordinary people with very busy lives who happened to have found each other. No conspiracy, no PR plot, no hired beard, no secret wife and kids. Just two people who seem to enjoy being together.

And sadly, I see that the same hate and twisted conspiracies still keep showing up. This fandom confuses the hell out of me. People complain because he never shares anything personal from his life, BUT when he gives us a glimpse, the same cycle starts again. From what I’ve seen the man isn’t perfect by any means, but he just cannot win with this fandom.

I prefer to be a loving, positive person. If they are happy and no one, especially not the child, is getting hurt, they need to be left alone. If they are happy together, I am happy for them. It’s rare to find people who truly love and support us. If they have found that, then good for them.

And now, let the hate begin…

When are we ever going to be better people?

Hi Anon, I wasn't going to post your Ask because what you're saying, I, and others, have said for YEARS. And it falls on the haters' deaf ears. And, I also wasn't going to post it because it's so long. But, hey, I'm a wordy bitch too. 🤗 Ultimately, I decided to post it because what you said was eloquently written and hasn't been said in the fandom in a while. Thank you for taking the time to write it. I've been getting a lot of DMs and Asks from people who are new to the fandom, so it's worth revisiting stuff that's been talked about before.

Your last question, "When are we ever going to be better people?" See, there's no "we." There's the SANE part of the fandom, which is most people at this point, including you and me. And THEN there's the INSANE part of the fandom, which includes SamCait Extreme Shippers, disgruntled ex-shippers, Sam haters (usually disgruntled ex-shippers), fake shippers out to make money from naive shippers, and the actually diagnosable mentally ill "fans."

The INSANE part of the fandom can't be reasoned with, no matter how much Occam's razor you throw at them. I fought the good fight for YEARS. I don't anymore because now it's clear that my source info was correct and Cait was, and is, and will be with her real husband, Tony McGill. And that Sam has dated different women throughout the years. And now, there's PROOF (not just what they've shown us) that Sam and Steph are together.

The SANE part of the fandom is happy for Sam and Steph. The INSANE part of the fandom isn't. Simple as that. And there's no changing their minds. I learned this the hard way. So, don't worry about them, just enjoy Sam being happy. He's enjoying his relationship and ignores the fandom noise. And I know for a fact that Sam doesn't let fans who are "mental," as he put it to one of my sources, affect his happiness.

Not even complete, but I'm an avid fan of Kyo's very sane smile. The same that I'd do in response to those people in the Smile movies.

NOOOOOOO THIS IS SO PRECIOUS 😭😭😭 reminds me of my favourite au aaaAAAAAHHH KINDERGARTEN TEACHERS HAKU & HARU….. THANK U…. 😭😭😭 I will be thinking abt this forever I LOVE THEM…