giggled at something and my coworker comes out of the break room and goes "I just heard like, a haunted child laugh... so weird." and I'm like okay so it was a normal regular alive adult laugh actually

god's weakest soldier is scrolling tumblr instead of being productive or participating in any of their hobbies

Call me old fashioned, but I think the president saying "a whole civilization will die tonight" is the part where he should be deposed immediately.

was i normal / forgivable / worth saving at the party last night? be honest haha 😂 🙈

reverse gaslighting where i pretend to know exactly what you are talking about

brother you gotta put those big brown eyes away. youll kill someone

and then you stop wanting what you’ve always wanted

“would 14-year old you be proud of you?” listen, i’m not here to impress a mentally ill child

The most horrifying thing about being a human is that no matter how intelligent you are or how much customer service training you have, nothing will stop you from being the idiot customer on occasion. At some point you won't read a sign or you'll misread a menu or ask the dumbest question a human has ever formed and there is nothing you can do to prevent this. It will happen. Accept it and continue on your way as one of today's dipshit customers.

accepting it for what it is and not what it could’ve been even if my own heart revolts against it

THE MOMENT BEFORE LETTING GO IS OFTEN WHEN WE GRIP THE HARDEST!