Professional Enjoyer

The veil is thick here..... I sense fuck all

*shakily placing my hand on the side of a costco* the spirits here are normal

I was born in the exact right generation I love being an unmarried woman in my twenties with my own bank account and no children

reblog if its okay for people to send you $5,000 dollars with no strings attached

love island should introduce a "scheming eunuch" islander who is like a smart and completely asexual islander exempt from being kicked off or being made to participate in any challenges and they're just there to provide advice and be a sort of sounding board for the other islanders when they need a disinterested party to talk things through with. but the scheming eunuch has secret goals unbeknownst to anyone e.g. a cash prize for talking a certain couple into breaking up etc.

So cute, I love it!

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

this post makes me snort every single time

:|

alvin the chipmunk sold me a fake juul pod in the library parking lot when i was 14 and when i confronted him about it he pretended he couldn’t talk like a person anymore so everyone just thought i was yelling at a normal chipmunk. that little fucker is not normal. he can sing and dance and he can steal and cheat i hate him so much.