The Adventures of Viper Mulligan

highlights include:

killing the lights and fucking booking it when you defeat him, and then just straight up deserting the garlean army with absolutely no remorse or hesitation

leaving the praetorium and almost immediately posting up under a streetlight in a stupid outfit in revenant's toll like some kind of clown hooker, waiting to direct wol to the crystal tower questline JUST so he could involve himself, too

showing up in the middle of a major city not even slightly in disguise to walk up to a meeting of world leaders and say "now it's clear the problem you're having is that you haven't involved MEEEEEE"

accepting wearing an ironworks uniform but dying it red because #aesthetics

magical girl armor transformation

bonus: cid keeping his sunglasses and then just silently handing them back afterward as if they do this all the fucking time

getting attacked and injured but just refusing to tell anyone about it until he literally collapsed

sneaking out of the infirmary but not before forging cid's signature on his expense report

telling his fellow garleans that if all they were gonna do is whine and refuse any solutions to their problems they could just fucking die for all he cares

Yes please play this 12 year-old game. Sorry you can't play the first part of it because it was so bad they rebooted the whole thing and dropped a dragon nuke on the planet and caused planetary ecological changes. They will still reference that, sorry. Yes the entire base story is considered okish, please play for a 60 hours to get to the first expansion. It is actually worth it trust me I know it sounds wild, but it will rip your heart out several times. Some of the best writing in the entire game is in an optional job quest storyline where you pick up a greatsword and get asked by your own internal pain why you don't just go mad.

There are bunnies on the moon, the dragons are aliens, you optionally travel through time and space to catch a fish, you have a cook-off and alpaca catching competition to determine a nation's ruler, the guy who basically invented advanced gun technology keeps stealing old advanced weaponry to tinker with and no one is stopping him for some reason, Estinien is there (it makes sense in context), the catholic elves are so messed there are LEVELS to that shit (everyone should do the Scholasticate quests! :D), one of your foes won't fucking stay dead and goes to extreme lengths just to have a punching match with you, depression is a bird, one old tired man just wants a nap but also funded an entire theater company, if you do an option storyline of fights you can find a sentient plush chocobo and his world-ending superweapon bug pal just in the world map, you have an entire WWE cagematch fight series, gundam references!, there's Evangelion crossover!(soon), there's Nier crossover!, the gods of the world form Voltron, a man shackles himself to an ancient database tower to pull you to another world.

I sound like a crazy person but that's not even all of it! It's a major time sink I really don't blame people for not playing it. But if you've at all considered it give it a go, there's a free trial that keeps getting expanded so you can play 5/6 of the 10 year story that just wrapped up for free. You've probably seen the meme.

Give it a shot. This game actually literally saved my life.

Meteor: ✅️

Alphinaud: ❌️ <slips on ice>

looked at so many photos of people hugging cows for this one

us and them

after all were only ordinary men

me and you

god only knows its not what we would choose to do

Thancred and Urianger

Parksolian | Infinity Nikki

and yet! he does not like doing Any of this!!! he is still single in his 30s. he wants to quit his job and see the world, but won’t because he feels morally obligated to stay. despite having his pick of anyone in ishgard, he becomes enamored with the adventurer who not only arrives in ishgard as a fugitive, but immediately gets in trouble with the heaven’s ward and crashes into ishgard on the back of a dragon more than once.

he is the cause of awkward silence at alliance meetings on more than one occasion due to how passionate he gets, and he fumbles around when asking wol to dinner and can’t keep his emotions in check around them.

his adoptive parents (who were by all accounts a nice elderly couple) have passed on and the only family he has left is his birth father who mocks him for his idealism and does not love him; he is visibly ruffled when this is used against him in a debate. he loves sweets and gets excited about the starlight celebration and volunteers to hand out gifts to children. he has a dodo omelette recipe he uses to convince lucia, the literal garlean spy he spared, about the joys of cooking. this does not work.

I'll be there when the world stops turning In the end I want to be standing at the beginning with you