misunderstood

i think to understand what i'm saying you have to understand the trajectory of sydney and carmy's arcs over the seasons. what are their motives? what do they struggle with? what do they prioritize in their life? what relationships do they prioritize? (this might not be something the character consciously wants, but something they need in order to complete their character arc)

let's start with carmy. carmy doesn't have many friends when we meet him. or any, actually. he has competition. he has enemies, he has fellow chefs, but friends? he doesn't have time for that. he hasn't had the opportunity to slow down since mickey died (and before that really), so he's subconsciously ignored the desire to have any social connection for his own benefit. over the course of the show we're watching him attempt to let go of his past and confront his trauma, and through that, open up to other, healthier relationships. any person who gives him the space to forge that connection is special to him.

now what about sydney? sydney is struggling. lets assume she has a better social life than carmy (one because... look at her, and two i think a rock could have a better social than carm) but we do know she's struggling financially. she craves stability, independence, equality in her worklife. we know this because she feels guilty in relying on her dad, is pretty quick to jump into a new restaurant where she would be on equal footing with carmy, and prioritizes collaboration and communication over anything else. over the course of the show we watch her gain respect, notoriety, and standing in the culinary world. any person who gives her the space to collaborate and understand her, take the risk and be her partner (and through that title acknowledge her greatness), is special to her.

now lets flip it! what do they NOT prioritize? what is shallow for them? what isn't AS special?

sydney has friends. she has lots and lots of friends. she's liked and people want to be around her. she is in an abundance of friends.

carmy has been is bureaucratic hell for months. he's worked in professional kitchens for most of his adult life. he's been acknowledged. he has nothing left to prove to the culinary world.

imagine if your best friend in the whole wide world, the person you notice even the most imperceptible things about, who appreciates you (outside of your culinary expertise), who comes back (out of her own volition) to be there for you, who knows you write in the margins, called your relationship a business partnership? something so devoid of feeling, the one thing you've been trying chase?

imagine if your partner, the person you'd idolized for so long, who didn't just give you a chance but saw you as an equal, bought you a thom browne chef jacket, stared at you like you were the most amazing thing to grace this earth, practically HANDED you his dead brother's restaurant on a silver platter, called you just a "friend"? something he calls neil fucking fak, something you already have plenty of, none of which helped bring your credit score up?

wouldn't you be confused? wouldn't you think its fucked up, how dare they reduce your special, amazing, rise-above-it-all relationship to something so meaningless?

respectfully, they both made up definitions for their given words based on prior significance to them. in what world does a business partner apologize for giving attention to his girlfriend over you? in what world does a friend gush about you to your estranged mom?

but they both know that. its just a lot easier to pretend they're living in that world.

"you're my partner" said mournfully

"i'm your friend" said angrily

"well you're not fucking acting like it"

so what are you acting like?

(the answer is lovers)

tiktok comment i wrote a couple months ago that randomly appeared in my brain and made me go "i should talk about this more"