Your Friendly Neighborhood Vintage Doctor

STOP CENSORING YOURSELF ON THIS WEBSITE. FUCK SHIT SEX MURDER ALCOHOL DRUGS FAGGOT DYKE QUEER TRANS BITCH SLUT WHORE SEX SEX SEX SEX!!!!!!!!!!!

OK OK. UH UHHHH..... KILL?

World Heritage Post

Babysitting a toddler is a lot like being the narration in a point-and-click adventure game. Watching him knock on the doors of empty rooms and saying "hmm. I don't think anyone's in there". Watching him attempt to use [spoon] on [cat] and saying "I don't think those things go together". Watching him throw a cup of water onto the floor and just commenting "the floor is wet now" when he looks up at me to see if I approve.

the phrase "this machine kills fascists" has gone through enough layers of meaning that I think it's come all the way back around to where the funniest thing you could put it on would be a gun

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

This is funnier than anything I have ever said.

This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation.

I see it’s *looks at smudged writing on hand* Lent again.

World Heritage Post

accidentally said "invasive thoughts" instead of "intrusive thoughts" today and actually I think I'm onto something. this thought does not belong here and it is harming the local ecosystem

do you think two pennies is still enough for the ferryman or has inflation driven up the fare

if he makes me use an app I am simply not crossing the river Styx.

scientists are trying to discover something harder than getting out of bed to go to work in the morning. and dont make a fucking penis joke ok they already checked everyone’s dick and it doesn’t even come close

staying up really late is comforting. the world stops expecting things from you. it’s just quiet for a while.

huge fans of religions who preach poverty and modest living whilst hoarding uncountable amounts of untaxed wealth, property, and international treasures, gotta be one of the top 5 scams ever invented

*rubbing my hands together with sinister relish* this is what we call a Teaching Moment

Always fun to watch people find out about Hobby Lobby smuggling thousands of looted historical artefacts from the Middle East (x) and 'United States of America v. Approximately Four Hundred Fifty Ancient Cuneiform Tablets and Approximately Three Thousand Ancient Clay Bullae' (x)

I saw it posted as "Hobby Lobby's Hammurabi robby jobby" once.

A fun thing about fiction with large casts of characters is that sometimes you'll have a Spicy Bananas moment where every single character has an identical yet wildly atypical experience of some very mundane thing, and slowly you realise that the author isn't Making A Point, they just think that's normal.

The entire range of human skin tones varies from so pale white that it's almost kind of blue, to so deep black that it's almost kind of blue, and I think that's beautiful. Do you love the colour of the guy.