Sometimes a family is just a Viking earl, his two wives, his angry brother and son, some tall dude who just really loves boats and eyeliner + his girlfriend, and a kidnapped ex-monk who isn't entirely sure he wants to be there
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@vikings-incorrect
Sometimes a family is just a Viking earl, his two wives, his angry brother and son, some tall dude who just really loves boats and eyeliner + his girlfriend, and a kidnapped ex-monk who isn't entirely sure he wants to be there

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Aslaug: all this stress is upsetting the baby.
Ragnar: oh no! Forgive me, Athelstan, I never meant to cause you distress
Aslaug: I could not more obviously have been talking about Ivar
Helga, handing out Christmas presents: You've been very good this year Ragnar! Athelstan: Yeah, except for cheating on your wife Athelstan: Adultery's a sin Ragnar: I got scented candles! Athelstan: Well that's appropriate. Lots of fire where you're going. Athelstan: You're going to hell, Ragnar
King Horik: I have a personal relationship with Ragnar and a professional relationship with Ragnar King Horik: Personally, yeah, I think he's a rat
*Going into battle*
Rollo: Nervous?
Athelstan: Yes.
Rollo: First time?
Athelstan: No, I’ve been nervous lots of times.

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Ragnar: Lagertha, you're like an angel without wings Lagertha: So like a person?
Ragnar: If you had iron deficiency, I would simply crack my bones open so you could feed on my marrow. If you care. Athelstan: ... Athelstan: Probably would be easier and more sustainable to just buy some iron supplements
@procrastinatingsoicanreadfanfics
Floki: You never let me do anything fun Ragnar: People die when you have fun
Ragnar: So this bread is the body of Christ? Athelstan: Yes Ragnar: And he rose from the grave? Athelstan: ...yes Ragnar: Because of the yeast? Athelstan: *sighs*
Athelstan: I'd follow Ragnar to hell and back, but I wish he'd just stop going there

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Athelstan: Oh, my god, these pills are huge.
Ragnar: You know what else is huge? ;)
Athelstan: My love for Jesus Christ can I get an amen??
Aslaug: Do you like my outfit?
Ragnar: Not as much as I like what’s underneath it.
Aslaug: [blushing] Ragnar!
Ragnar: I need your chair. Get up.
Vikings characters as Ceratainly Not a Porn Bot descriptions :
Athelstan: 😖 book📚keeper 🕷 i will fix death ♻️
Floki: 😴 clown 🤡 🚯 i will stab your boyfriend
Helga: 😏 just a little girl ☢ guinea pigs 💤 blogging from a cave 🌷
Aslaug: 🫠 56 🚯 witch blogging from a cave 🦚
Kwenthrith: 😭 bored 🦚 queen bee 🐝 ✅ i will bite 🫦 your heart
Ecbert: 🤣 i am GOD 👁 🌸 frogs 💤 blogging from 78.9014° N, 13.4839° E 🦇
Rollo: 😭 village idiot ❌ i will kiss 💋 the devil
Ragnar: 😭 the guy 🧍 💤 i will maul your ass
Bjorn: 🤣 i can vote, ok? 🧡 birbs 💀 the guy 🧍
Lagertha: 🥵 little flower 🌼 💅🏻 violence 🚯 blogging from right behind you 👁 ☢
The Seer:😶 just another human 👤 🖤 i will curse your boyfriend
Bonus part 2 Athelstan: 😭 scribe ✍ 🐸 i will steal your boyfriend
Lagertha: Gods, give me patience.
Athelstan: The phrase is “God, give me strength.”
Lagertha: If the gods gave me strength, everybody would be dead.
Ecbert, high off his ass: So I believe that cannabis oil was the other holy oil mentioned in the bible Ecbert: If Jesus lived he probably would've smoked weed Athelstan: ...yeah

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Ragnar: [Carrying a bunch of groceries.]
Athelstan: [Reaches hand to help.]
Ragnar: [Aggressively moves all the bags to one hand to hold Athelstan’s hand.]
Athelstan: I have a girlfriend now too Athelstan:...which is weird because I'm probably gay