🔪

it’s cause you’re always chained to that damn radiator

You may think it cruel but when a white witch pisses me off I go through her etsy listings for native bird feathers and forward it to fish and wildlife services

Sweats in Salem witch descendant

Keep sweating girl the game wardens on his way

get off of her (mount everest)!!!

what they dont tell you about the field of Being Chained To Radiators In Someones Basement is that its ALL networking and word of mouth. you can never find it on indeed or whatever you really have to put yourself out there and really the job finds you. sometimes the job suddenly finds you vulnerable and walking home alone late at night. happened to my buddy once

i wish there was a way to have an autopsy that didnt kill u. i think it would be so cathartic

daniel molloy character of all time once again: like imagine you’re a 20-something drug addict and a terrible journalist on account of being 20-something and a drug addict and you randomly meet a vampire at a gay bar and you think wow I might get drugs, gay sex and a story out of this and instead what you get is psychologically and physically tortured by his husband and your memories of it all erased and then 50 years later you’re DYING and those vampires show up in your life again to ask you to write the story of their happy marriage and your memory might be fucked but ON GOD you WILL ruin that marriage if it’s the last thing you do. and then not only do you succeed and walk out of it alive, but also with a bestseller, millions in your bank account AND immortality AND the knowledge that your annoying human ass was somehow the one thing that made that 500+ year old predator so mad that he broke his lifetime vow to never turn anyone. AND, on top of that, you’re out of the CLOSET.