one day i’m going to have a WIFE and that’s highkey what keeps me going

i am SO PRETTY from a little distance, in a shaky selfie, passing by, in low lighting. it’s the added mystery. NO u don’t have to come closer, this is fine

this stream was so funny because if im remembering right hbomb was THE ONLY PERSON with the guts to murder a congresswoman

I watched the whole thing; she’s so funny

worst part of adulthood so far is definitely the fact that people have the ability to contact me and i have to respond in a timely manner

It fuckin wimdy

penguins can swim you know that right

That’s not the POINT he made it back with his FRIENDS

no you don’t understand i’m in love with her and her sexy big brain

Bringing this one back, while I’m reminded.

date a girl who stops mid-sentence to tell you there’s a dog nearby