IA! IA! CTHULHU FTHAGN!

before there were blorbos there were little meow meows and before there were little meow meows there were cinnamon rolls

i have to kill this post because people keep trying to explain the difference between blorbos and little meow meows and smol beans and cinnamon rolls to me . man i literally don't ca(opens my trench coat revealing a bomb strapped to my chest) EVERYONE GET ON THE GROUND NOW. GET ON THE GROUND.

my promising gardening career was cut short when i was mauled by a rampaging basil plant

you can use this handy mnemonic to remember the planets of the solar system

mercury penus gearth cars wupiter caturn shuranus weptune iluto wluto mluto bluto aluto rluto bluto pluto

And also the indestructibility of that woman's ankles

been stewing on an analytical approach to fiction which I call "is this book afraid of me?" and in order to answer this question you determine how hard the book is trying to make sure you don't come after the writer on twitter

Please keep making art. Please make it for yourself. Please don’t let everything become even more of the same flat general appeal nonsense that doesn’t seem to have anything to say

I live a very balanced life of noticing things nobody else does and not noticing the things that literally everybody notices

i know every phone number

do you know who they all belong to?

everyone that has phones

what's mine

hole in the ground for extracting minerals

a quirk of sexting while british is switching from arse to ass. i would never fuck someone in the arse. its impolite.

blew a .15 blood happiness on the breathalyzer at a sweetness checkpoint and the guardsman demanded to search my trunk for smiles. needless to say i went for his awesome

Purple Starling

Purple Staring

My one boring tip to anyone in their 20s is to resist the temptation to rot in your room every time you get a free moment. Dismiss any neuroses you have about going outside and "being perceived". Be a dictator about it, plan your hangouts like they are binding commitments. No excuses! Go to the bar with your friends. Be kinda hungover at work. Socializing is like exercise; even if you don't feel like you want to, you should still do it because it's good for you.