heyo

i literally love saying "ON IT BOSS!!!!!" whenever someone asks me to do something like i'm some sort of henchman. it doesn't matter if they're my boss or not for real even because in the moment they are, and whatever they requested of me i'm on it

there are at least three houses in new orleans

i love when fantasy novels are about 35 year olds…why is everyone in books 20 or 16 all the time

(defensively) 35 is one of the most normal ages to be

"all you ever do is complain" that's not true. I also resent.

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

many dishonourable knaves in the notes of this post

me, making a phone call: god i hope they don’t answer

im not a girl Unless ☝️ im being told to go piss

so i hauve covid rn and i must say, American cold medicine is the absolute bees knees. You go to a UK pharmacy and they tenderly press like eight (8) paracetamol into the palm of your hand... God FORBID you're sick in France, i had to scour every pharmacy in Paris for something that wasn't HOMEOPATHIC PASTILLES. meanwhile last night i took the last of my stash of Nyquil that expired in 2019 and it was like getting hit by a fucking baseball bat (affectionate). press X to timeskip. LOVE me a cheeky little medically induced coma. you can really feel that it's a precursor to meth. i know that everything is fucking awful over there my friedns and my heart goes out to every one of you but if you need one small bright light of national pride in this time of strife please know that i envy you your cold medicine every day

i once took an american antihistamine pill just a basic one for seasonal allergies and i had to immediately lay down and while doing so i vividly hallucinated that i was a steerage passenger on the titanic resigned to my death as my cabin filled up rapidly with water. then i blacked out and when i woke up again my allergies were gone for the entire season.

The Hat Man is our greatest export

i love poison omelette

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got some kick to it i tell you what