Life has been punching me in the face over and over again. To anyone else it seems that I'm overreacting or delusional. The crushing weight of knowing your life is going the opposite direction every one wanted from me and that I'm a disappointment. I dropped out of college, multiple times, I work a dead end job that has an expiration date now because I will need to find a job that provides insurance within the next year. Everything is stacking and the pressure is mounting. All I want is a break from everything. I'm tired of taking care of everyone else and I'm honestly tired of even attempting to care for myself. Something's gotta give, I can't afford to take any extra days off. I'm getting surgery next month and will have to take a week to recover, that alone will probably deplete what little savings I can ever get together.
Everyone always tells me that if I cut back or stopped smoking weed that I wouldn't worry about money. While looking at it objectively I know that's true, no one seems to understand that it's the only thing that keeps my anxiety at least somewhat manageable and helps me keep myself grounded. Without it my brain spirals more than I know what to do with. The money I do spend on it feels worth it to feel more comfortable in myself. Since I started smoking I've felt so much better mentally but no one seems to believe me.
How long do I have to be responsible for everyone else?
I love my husband, he is honestly the love of my life. And I do help him a lot and have taken on even more responsibilities when it comes to him. And I do get frustrated with it sometimes but at least I chose to. When it comes to my family I feel like I've never gotten a choice, I've always had to be the strong one emotionally when hard times come. I had such high expectations put on me for my entire life, everyone always told me I was going to achieve great things and that I was so smart and how far I would go. I haven't achieved anything, I haven't done anything that even resembles an accomplishment. I'm 25 and I don't even have a driver's license. Whenever I try to get help or try to actually do anything I get pushback or blamed for why it hasn't happened yet.
Where am I supposed to go with my life from here? I don't even know what I wanna do with my life. What kind of job am I supposed to pick that won't make me totally miserable for the rest of my life? How am I supposed to make enough money to live my life and not have to worry about if I'll have enough to pay the bills? There's just too many questions that have no answers. I'm just lost at this point.
baratheonpilled
janainaart
jacobvanloon
germansingergirl
