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me after sleeping ljke shit for the 10,497th day in a row: this is good actually because now i'll be really tired when i go to bed tonight

Genre of character: submissive like a guard dog is submissive

i am in fact NOT being very brave about it and will whine and complain until i die. As is my right

i like to pretend i'm an intellectual but in my heart the 3oh!3 taio cruz ke$ha katy perry avril lavigne lmfao nicki minaj cobra starship rihanna cascada britney spears lady gaga era of music reigns supreme. ipod touch with the cracked screen type beat

i hate this stupid fucking video my girlfriend keeps playing it when we’re sharing comfortable moments of silence and it’s ruined by this stupid fucking orange slut getting water boarded by toothpaste

fucken die bro

the lazy river at water parks was made to appeal to relaxing adults and possibly accidentally those who like to pretend to be otters, sharks and various water type pokemon

They r casting spells

stepped on a plum (overripe plum) (barefoot) it was on the driveway got out of the car and accidentally (didn't know it was there) stepped on the plum (warm) (on the ground) (it had fallen from the tree) barefoot (no shoes) wearing long pants (too long) (need to hem them) plum viscera got on them (the pants) unexpected plum on the driveway (hot plum) (97 degrees out) already super hungover (throwing up all morning) (should not have been driving at all) and I stepped out of the car (black car) (97 degrees out) and onto the plum (unexpected) (didn't know the plum was there) and it burst (plum nightmare on my only good pair of sweatpants) still we find ways to keep ourselves going from day to day

happy one year anniversary to possibly the best plum poem since william carlos williams' "this is just to say"

happy two year anniversary to possibly the best plum poem since william carlos williams’ “this is just to say”

my family fucked up my life by using spoonerisms interchangeably with their true phrase counterparts since before i was born and now i can’t escape from instinctively saying shit like “im gonna shake a tower”