the front door to my back room

#my art - for my art

#arcane analysis - if you wanna read my ramblings

#fandom musings - for me bitching and moaning about fandom stuff

Its all from the last few years- i didnt really want to go back all the way to the beginning of my blog, which turned 10 (!!) recently.

lmao. i remember saying this, but i don't remember in which context.

first thing first- this is purely a headcanon. unlike what a lot of people seem to believe, i don't think there's an obvious indication that Caitlyn is a particularly horny person or someone who's highly motivated by lust in canon. her desire for Vi has a physical element to it (like most romances do), but that's not the driving factor in their story.

this headcanon is based on some actual canon observations i have made: 1.Caitlyn is an emotionally repressed person, 2. she was raised in an environment that heavily prioritized composure, 3. she is always at odds with what she wants and what people expect of her. From that I think it's safe to deduct that openly desiring things, especially things that are seen as primal like sex, would be frowned upon in Piltover's high society. Caitlyn is at the heart of that society- adding an element of shame and prudeness to the anything sexual or sensual (see how she reacted to open sex work in the brothel). there's a reason kink is heavily tied to shame- it adds like a multiplier to the desire that's already there.

on top of that, Caitlyn is mostly a logical person- that's also how she perceives herself. i think she likes to believe she is above having basic needs, emotional or physical, so she would often try to dissociate herself from them (that mask i was talking about). but in the end, those things swing back at her 10 times harder. So for comparison, when you think of a character like Vi- who's open with her emotions and is comfortable expressing herself- being horny, she would just express that by flirting or pursuing sexual relief. While a character like Caitlyn would ignore it, deny it, look for a distraction, try to rationalize it, overthink every scenario in which it would play out, all the while over scrutinizing herself for needing it. by the time she caves in she's already an emotional horny mess, actively making this whole ordeal way more complicated than it should've been. Caitlyn doesn't think about sex all the time, but when she happens to want it, it ends up way more urgent and passionate than maybe was originally intended. because of everything i explained above (the repression and the shame), i think she is also more likely to be the "kinkier" party out of the 2 girls. and for that, i call her a "horndog".

she hot

In all seriousness, while i love the new skins, something about them feels a little off when you play them. It's not about their quality- both are superb. Caitlyn in 2xko is kind of like a mix between her Arcane and LoL personalities, but if i had to pinpoint i'd say she's closer to her Arcane version than her LoL one. She has that serious militant attitude, you can see it in her animations, while her voicelines are a little more playful (like in League). So while you play as her, the sexy swimsuit outfits look a little ridiculous when paired with her more militant/cop like behavior, unlike what the same skin looks like in LoL. every time I win with it the super sexy winning animation smacks me in the face cause it feels almost comical coming from the character i just played.

You have an art career? That's wonderful! I was under the impression art was just a hobby. Not wanting Riot to notice you for your shippy stuff makes sense. Does this mean your style of art drastically changes based on your career vs fanart? Clifford being your earliest fanart is very wholesome. Crossing my fingers you never lose your passion for making illustrations.

both tumblr and reddit have a fair share of "brainrotted" individuals, but i agree that the long text format allows for at least deeper discussions of the topics at hand. In general i keep myself a safe distance away from fandom these days, maybe because i outgrew it (most of it feels very childish to me), maybe cause i just dont fit with the mainstream fandom's notion anymore.

As for my art career- i think my main trait as a fanartist is that im pretty good at mimicking the style of whatever I'm into at the time. Of course i could always get better, but i mostly attempt to stay accurate to the style of the source material because i genuinely love it. My actual art style isn't really seen in my fan works. I work as a concept artist so my style adaptation has proven to be a beneficial skill, i can adjust myself to a lot of projects because of it.

i dont recall mentioning why i choose to stay off other platforms- surprised you got it right, haha. I do have an art career, so maybe one day ill manage to do some work for riot- that's certainly a dream! But tbh i rather my shippy art not be the way they find me, that is purely indulgent stuff.

Oh thank you! I just think about fictional characters too much.

I think i touched on it in the past, but never dwelved too deeply into the line itself. To me, this line is more tied to Caitlyn's arc than to Vi's- Caitlyn having to live with her past mistakes, things she can't change (clean out). I'm thinking about making a whole analysis about Caitlyn's perfectionism, and how she tends to overthink her past actions and obsessively try to "fix" them. this line from Vi directly addresses that.

The direct line is more tied to Caitlyn's arc, but the line's implication also ties into Vi's arc. Vi's arc in the show was about learning to put herself first, instead of trying to fill other people's needs. The implication from this line is that Vi is going to stick with Caitlyn from now on, and as we saw in episode 8, Caitlyn is Vi's "selfish" desire- the first decision she made to prioritize her own happiness. I think many people miss that point, cause they see the whole Jinx vs. Caitlyn dilemma as 'Vi choosing one means she puts that person over herself' but that's not what the show was going for. Jinx and Cait represent past vs. future, commitment vs indulgence. Vi doesn't feel obligated to Caitlyn the same way she does Jinx, nor does she feel personally responsible for Caitlyn's actions. Caitlyn is just objectively the healthier choice for Vi, as Vi stays not because she has to, but because she wants to.

Do you think Vi is really that impatient? It was mentioned in arcane twice. By Sevika during her fight with Vi. And then Vi said it herself before she took out Ambessa. I would like to argue that, after 7 years in prison, Vi has more patience than she and anyone else gives her credit for.

hmm, I think i'll disagree with you here. Vi is pretty impatient. Her time in prison doesn't prove otherwise- it just physically stopped her from doing anything for 7 years. The moment she got out, she was back to her old ways. If you lock an impatient person in a room it doesnt make them less impatient, it just prevents them from acting on their whims. Vi is always quick to react- it often gets her in trouble. You can call it reckless more than impatient- but they do go hand in hand sometimes. I think this is what other characters refer to when they call her that.

Been on a CaitVi kick and tired of how Caitlyn is written sometimes. Sometimes she feels like a side character in a Vi centered fic. Other times I don’t even recognize her. (people can do what they want). But I love her dearly and will pick apart the inconsistencies

I am starting to write fics and find it easiest to write from Caitlyn POV (mainly because Im obsessed with her and partially because I see a lot of myself in her). also your Caitlyn analysis’ have been really helpful for me to write her character in a way that honors personality. Hope that’s okay!

Anyway, love your art, love your words, love your blog. Thanks for doing what you do

Did I mention I am obsessed with Caitlyn Kiramman?? Maybe I’m just on a Caitlyn kick

thank you so much for your kind words!

Like you, i come in and out of reading fics cause I'm just too picky. I like my Caitvi neat. I think Caitlyn is written ooc often and she is my favorite character, so i offer my endless analysis instead. but Vi is also written ooc. She's written without any edge, charisma of bravado- which is what makes her, yknow, extremely hot? she also shows no sign of violence in most fics- Vi likes fighting, and for some reason people think lifting weights will fill that void for her. I think as a fandom we focus too much on the moments Vi crys after losing loved ones, and too little on the moments she's a a rough ex prisoner who's life expreiences made her tougher and stronger. Fanfic Vi is so sanded down it's actively an ick for me. Maybe one day i'll make a Vi analysis regarding this.

To answer your question: do i write fanfiction? Ive written one fic in my life. I am kind of interested in doing it again, but (i know its gonna sound insane) words arent easy for me. English isn't my first language so my vocabulary is pretty limited, and despite having a lot of thoughts, it takes me hours, days, to put them down into somewhat cohesive rambles. The fic i did write was from Vi's perspective, cause it fit the story i wanted to tell better, but i was struggling with it the whole way through- im more of a Caitlyn-brained person.

Everything from the moment they met at the commune really goes to show how much Caitlyn loves Vi. I adore this ship but since they saw each other again to how she let Jinx go for Vi I was thinking Caitlyn get up girl lmao

And to think that so many shippers and Caitlyn fans believe she still needs to be compliant and deferential around Vi post canon as proper punishment and reparation WTF why would anyone want that kind of dynamic for those two?!?

i will say this. In every Caitvi arguement, they're both right and both wrong, in different ways. Vi was being insensetive to Caitlyn's feelings in this specific arguement because she has her own trauma from being in prison. Her lash out is very understandable. She was emotional and failed to consider how Caitlyn might feel in this scenario- its very human. Caitlyn does this as well, for example, offering Vi the badge, because in her emotional state she didnt consider how it might make Vi feel. What i find annoying is the fandom deciding that when one of them does it, its understandable, and when the other does it, its inexcusable. Theyre both humans, theyre bound to sometimes prioritize their own perspective over their loved ones. This doesnt make their relationship toxic, as we see multiple times that they try to see the other's perspective, which is what a healthy couple would do. But the idea you can go about life and never disappoint, upset, or react irrationally to loved ones- is absurd.

omg hi! Me too!

Ill elaborate on something I noticed in one of my previous posts. Caitlyn hides behind her anger a lot, in fact, it is so consistent i can only think of one time in the show her anger is 100% genuine and not a front to cover for deeper emotions she doesnt want to confront.

That one time is here:

Caitlyn recently found out about just how much she was kept in the dark about the reality of Zaun, and the weight Piltover's council (and by extension, her mother) carry in that state. She is frustrated over not knowing something, but mostly angry at her mother, for idealistic reasons. Caitlyn's relationship with her mother was already pretty rocky, and this just added to the pile. So this is Caitlyn feeling angry and reacting with anger, very direct, very honest, we love to see it. A rare occasion for her.

Any other time, and that includes actual crash outs or just minor tantrums- it's either to cover for something else or played up to avoid other emotions she has going. The 2 main ones are feeling hurt, and shame. Both emotions that leave Caitlyn vulnerable, and so she defaults to anger to distract from them.

Let's be real for a second. Have any of you (dear anon and fellow Caitlyn enjoyers) ever considered Caitlyn an angry character? I know i haven't. That is something i'd probably assign to Vi before I do to Cait. That being said, Caitlyn almost always reacts to the feeling vulnerable with aggression. She is surprisingly conforntational, in a way that i never really noticed. The thing is, her anger is rarely ever scary, so I think it's easy to write it off. I bet most of you remember her as much less prickly than she actually is.

But alas, let me show you what i mean. And no gifs this time, sorry guys, it takes me hours to find them and i want to be done with this post today.

"I don't need charity, councilor, yours or my parents'. Get out." (To Jayce, 1x04)

why so mean, Cait? Your friend is trying to look out for you- oh it's cause you feel betrayed by him picking your parents' position and using the same tactics they do to dismiss your agency? Yeah that tracks.

"Unbelieveable. I didnt break you out of jail to eat slop! I knew this was a terrible idea. You dont actually know anything, do you?!" (To Vi, 1x05)

Here you can see Caitlyn is really embarrassed. She trusted Vi and Vi betrayed that trust, playing her for a fool.

"Excuse me??? I will NOT." (To Vi, 1x05)

Yet again, Caitlyn is embarrassed. She is already in a situation she finds uncomfortable, and Vi is clearly doing all of this to get a rise out of her, instead of helping with her investigation.

"I knew it was a mistake trusting you!" (To Vi, 1x07)

Embarrassed again.

"I- i thought they were hurting you!" (To Vi, 1x07)

You guessed it. Embarrassed.

"and then there's Jinx. Laughing." (To Jayce, 2x01)

Straight after bringing up seeing her dead mother's body, as an attempt to avoid opening up to Jayce about it.

"What kind of--- animals-" (To Vi, 2x01)

The anger is genuine but played up to cover for her feeling helpless and scared.

"Get out the way! Move!!!" (To Vi, 2x03)

played up to cover her panic.

"It's her blood in your veins!" (To Vi, 2x03)

Genuine, but played up to cover feeling betrayed and hurt.

"you think im so daft i cant recognize a contingency?!" (To Vi, 2x08)

Hurt by Vi's lack of trust in her.

"No amount of good deeds can undo our crimes!" (To Jinx, 2x08)

Caitlyn feels shame over her past mistakes. I also think she plays up the anger cause she feels extremely uneasy around Jinx (who, need I remind you, assaulted her in the shower). of course it is also genuine anger, cause dead mother, but around Jinx it looks like Caitlyn is ruffling her feathers to appear intimidating. very noticable in the tea party scene, which happened BEFORE her mother died but after she was abducted.

Caitlyn's anger is a part of the mask i talked about here. She uses it when she wants to appear respectable and avoid vulnerability- which can be seen in all the cases I brought up. It is also why many people who love Caitlyn and understand her character don't feel like she's an angry character- because her anger isn't entirely genuine most of the time, unlike Vi, for example, whose emotions are always honest. Caitlyn operates a little differently. When she lashes out she often feels like a wounded animal trying to bite. Pathetic little creature.