time to play: hear how i feel about different people and guess who that person is to me! Also known as: I'm rambling to get stuff off of my chest! Also known as x2: Write about my feelings until i start to tear up because i like torturing myself for nothing! Fuck my life! Anyways lets start! The prize is. Uh. Hug emojis.
do you ever think about how even when you haven't seen someone for years but left with a good image of them it's hard for you to ever truly see them as a bad person? either you start noticing signs in your memories or people who knew them longer tell you more stories about them and you gradually start to realize more and more that they aren't the super kind, fun person you thought they were and it ruins your worldview about anything by a slight because its such a world-shattering revelation that everything is taken into question and nothing can ever go back to the same way it was before because of it?
that's how i feel about my mom :> 🫂
do you ever think about how someone youve known for so many years and have seen genuinely make mistakes and recover from them, who has their flaws but is earnest in their care for you, and who is so close to you that theyre an integral part of your life, but one day you see them do something absolutely fucking terrible without ever showing proper remorse or even accepting that they may be wrong and you genuinely have to force yourself to feel hate for them because you know that what they did was terrible even if every other bone in your body wants so badly to believe that its all just fake?
that's how i feel about my dad :/ 🫂
are you ever so close to someone who takes care of you but when you actually seem to experience a deeper, more convoluted type of distress they suddenly treat you like a complete interloper and try to guilt trip you into not showing emotions and you genuinely want them dead for the first time in forever because youve honestly never felt so betrayed in your life but you also cant bare to hurt them because you still love them so much and you hate how much you love them?
that's how i feel about my grandma :< 🫂
do you ever think about how shitty someone is and/or has been to you for a majority of your life but now they suddenly wanna act all sad about it and keep venting to you and now you just think that theyre so pitiful youd feel bad for leaving?
that's how i feel about my grandfather >:[ 🫂
do you ever see someone come into that pathetic excuse of a person's life and start babying them and coddling them and acting as if all of their flaws are just normal things and trying to shove them under the rug? and they keep fucking acting like they know everything about that person who has hurt you and treating the pain that that person has caused you like a joke essentially?
that's how i feel about my step-grandma >~> 🫂
do you ever spend so little time with someone who you were so excited to be near and lose the chance to see them and—though you never realize it—start feeling like you lost an important part of your life, like a role you desperately need to fill in your life, and suddenly you realize one day that this was a connection you desperately needed in your life? But now that its been a few years without contact you realize that they may not even recognize you when/if they ever got to meet you again and they probably dont think youre as important to them as they are to you even though you had this romanticized (not like romantically) perception of them your whole life that is a part of your worldview?
that's how i feel about my little sister ._. 🫂
do you ever meet a certain person one day and have this urge to start protecting them and playing with them and deriving a stupid amount of joy from their presence only to realize that the reason you cherish them so much is because they fill the role of the adorable but kinda distant younger sibling that youve been wanting to retain your whole life but might never get to and you suddenly start crying iver it because you realize just how much it means to you?
that's how i feel about my little cousin U^U 🫂
do you ever join a group at a particularly bad point in your life, not really fit in but hang around anyway, and eventually see everyone else turn against eachother save for this one person who you slowly connect with anyway and eventually its just you two for years and it feels so nice and perfect and being with them is like paradise and they basically fix all of your issues and comfort you and are genuinely the best thing you may have ever had in your entire life and it feels like even if the rest of the world is uncertain or cruel, atleast you'll have them around and that'll make literally everything okay because you'll be with them in the end no matter what? But there was this One Particular Thing that you two have never spoken about seriously that you definitely should have spoken about seriously and its such a massive important thing that youve kinda been dropping hints about and you assumed that they had a surface level idea of what this One Particular Thing was that—even though you know itd be wrong to carry on given it—you assumed they must have known and decided to keep quiet about for both of your sakes, and you keep quiet because this person is quite literally everything to you and more and youve also been conditioned by other, far worse people into thinking that this One Particular Thing was nothing compared to the extent of your love for eachother so you shut up about it but you love them so much and you would never actually lie to them so much as willingly keep quiet so the one day someone else brings it up, you tell them the truth about this One Particular Thing without fully understanding the situation and when they confront you about it you finally realize that they genuinely didn't pick up on the hints and they genuinely didn't realize the worst about that One Particular Thing and you essentially ruined everything on your own by letting things get too out of hand and being too fucking stupid and now you're experiencing identity crises, episodes, and meltdowns over this because you lost the one person that meant more than anything else to you all over your own stupidity snd now you genuinely cant think of yourself in any context without them and the now ruined relationship with them that practically held you together?
Thats That One Ex. The Best I've Ever and Will Ever Have. Fucking kill me my god i cant bare to think about them anymore but i cant dtop dwelling over it. They meant the universe and world to me and i fucked it all up because i was stubborn and stupid and couldnt realize the simplest of things goddamnit. I still havent let myself fully cry over this without trying to hide it yet because i just haven't had any time to between family and school and i just want to fix everything again but i cant. I csnt and its all my fault qnd i ruined their happiness for nothing but my own selfishness
aanyways. uhm. do you knowthat one person who is so cool and awesome and supportive and has their flaws but does their best and is honestly a lovely person who im sending all of my love and support right now? thats right, its youuu. please stay safe and be okay ilove yall 🫂
