All about Ana

Back around 2005, I ran into a Baptist missionary who spotted my kippah and basically took that as permission to attempt to missionize at me.

I defended myself, using the basics of the knowledge I have of Christian theology and texts that I learned specifically to fend off missionaries.

We went back and forth and back and forth, and he wouldn’t leave me alone for… oh, probably the better part of an hour.

And then…

Then this part is seared into my memory. I have nightmares about it.

He smiled at me and said that, with my knowledge of the Gospels, I am sure to be one of the Elect when the time comes.

I asked what the hell that meant.

And he told me. He told me in a tone of utmost sincerity–even envy, because to his belief system, it was a good and enviable thing…

Because to be one of the “Elect” is to be one of the 144,000 Jews who accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior at the Apocalypse. This will happen when all of the Children of Israel have been Gathered in the Land of Israel; war will break out, the Assembled Jews will have the Gospels preached to us, and 144,000 Thousand–Twelve Tribes times Twelve Apostles times One Thousand–Jews will spontaneously convert to Christianity.

Once that occurs, all of the Jews die in the Apocalypse, but the Elect ascend to Heaven to be Jesus Christ’s personal escorts down to Earth for his Second Coming (the rest of the Jews go to hell for eternity, in case you’re wondering).

In short…

He told me that I existed to be a human blood sacrifice to bring back his god. I was not a person to him. I was nothing more than a means to that end.

And he was jealous. Jealous of the fact that he viewed my knowledge of his religion, something that I had learned specifically to fend him and his kind off, as proof that his religion was right and correct and inevitable. That in learning it, I had made myself more valuable to his worldview.

Jealous that, because I was more valuable, because I existed to die for his god, I would meet that god before him.

It was terrifying, to be told that I was to die… and he thought that it was a good thing.

This is how Evangelicals view death. Not as something to be avoided, but something to seek, something that is a positive, and not just for themselves… but for everybody.

so, first of all, tumblr’s culture has changed a lot in the past couple years. there’s a genuine community effort to not start any drama, and ironically a lot of the current hostility is an effort to keep things calm. there’s also a change in how people interact with posts, so if you haven’t been here in a while please skip down to the tags/replies/reblog with text section.

for newcomers: you should be reblogging posts about as liberally as you would like something on twitter. if you only like stuff, people will think you are rude/a bot. you’ve probably heard people talk about “cultivating your dash,” and thats because this platform is 100% centered around your dashboard. trending matters less, unfollowing and blocking in order to shape your dash into it’s best form is widely accepted, the majority of the content you’ll find and interact with will be because of your dash, and the only way to put things on your dash is to reblog them. tumblr users are deeply distrustful of algorithms and have largely turned off the “see posts your friends have liked” function (i recommend you also turn of the various algorithms in settings → general settings → dashboard preferences).

so, once you’ve reblogged a post, there’s three ways to add content to it. the tags, replies, and reblogging with text. all of them have different connotations

the tags: an inside voice. originally they were meant for organizing your blog (and they’re still used for this), but they’ve also morphed into a way to share thoughts that aren’t funny/insightful enough for non-followers to be interested in. when in doubt, put your comment in the tags

replies: basically talking to your friends in class. your followers have no way of finding your replies (they don’t pop up on the dash, nobody gets notified except for the original poster) so chances are, only the person who made the post is gonna see your comment. it’s for quick one-offs that you’re okay with other people overhearing, but really is only made for one person. they’re like a public dm

reblog with text: an outside voice. you’re getting up on a stage in town square and entertaining people. make sure it’s funny or insightful— bottom line, add something new to the conversation. you should use this the least

general rules of thumb: 

when in doubt, reblog. people will judge you if your blog is only personal posts and you only interact with other content by liking it.  

the only things people will judge you for reblogging are personal vent posts. leave a like to give a little virtual hug

if a post is asking about your personality/opinions (i.e: tell me what’s the last tv show you watched, that kind of thing) put it in the tags 

I distinctly remember coming back from college to find that they’d converted the two of the bathrooms into all-gender restrooms. Among the changes were doors that went all the way up and down, a locking mechanism within the door, and actual door handles. Even the single-occupancy bathroom got a wall for extra privacy.

In contrast, I remember the women’s bathrooms in my old school. They were broken as shit. Some doors needed to be held by a friend, some doors you held with your foot from inside. The wheelchair-accessible bathroom straight up did not have a door at all. And yet we all pretended this was okay because hey, the womanly honor code. You think that shit would have flown if there were two gender-neutral restrooms?

Post-Fire Sale!

https://store.crimethinc.com/collections/damages-sale

A year and a half ago, a catastrophic fire destroyed our mailorder space. Some goods survived this fire, however, including several boxes of books and journals that had been returned by stores and distributors or that were too damaged to be sold as brand new. Ironically, the damage that they had sustained protected them, as we didn’t bother to keep them on hand for mailorder.

I am still a multiply disabled person living far under the poverty line.

I've had expenses relating to the move that have really dug into my budget.

I also have almost no furniture etc, most of what I've been using belongs to people who are staying in the place I'm moving out of.

More urgently though I am. Very unwell physically lol and when I strain my body as much as I have been for this move, it causes a symptom flareup that can last a month or more.

During the next few weeks I'm going to be much more impaired than usual and I'll need convenience items like easy food and shower wipes in order to take care of my body. I can't really afford that though at the moment. 😬 Partly because I've been doing that for weeks already in order to save enough spoons to pack for this move.

All this is to say—if any financially secure adults would like to help, I would gratefully accept.

I have two wishIists, one of food and other basics, one of things that would be nice to have. This is the only way I can currently accept help, but there are gifft cards on each list if you just want to do that.

Thank you for tolerating this on your dash! 💙💚💙

Food and necessities list - hygiene stuff, food, cleaning supplies, urgent stuff

Forget-Me-Not

I am still a multiply disabled person living far under the poverty line.

I've had expenses relating to the move that have really dug into my budget.

I also have almost no furniture etc, most of what I've been using belongs to people who are staying in the place I'm moving out of.

More urgently though I am. Very unwell physically lol and when I strain my body as much as I have been for this move, it causes a symptom flareup that can last a month or more.

During the next few weeks I'm going to be much more impaired than usual and I'll need convenience items like easy food and shower wipes in order to take care of my body. I can't really afford that though at the moment. 😬 Partly because I've been doing that for weeks already in order to save enough spoons to pack for this move.

All this is to say—if any financially secure adults would like to help, I would gratefully accept.

I have two wishIists, one of food and other basics, one of things that would be nice to have. This is the only way I can currently accept help, but there are gifft cards on each list if you just want to do that.

Thank you for tolerating this on your dash! 💙💚💙

Food and necessities list - hygiene stuff, food, cleaning supplies, urgent stuff