Sketch Dump

pornhub: the government is doing a bad job of sex education. we’ll do it properly. public: applause pornhub: the government is doing a bad job of snow plowing. we’ll do it properly. public: confused applause

pornhub: chaotic good

my friend is studying for the mcat and was just trying to explain to me about heat transfer and she said ‘you know, like the reason you get cold when you go outside on a freezing day is that your tiny human body is trying to warm up the entire universe’ and i think that’s the best thing i have ever heard

I kind of needed this today. Thank you.

always have a lighter with u just in case u see a confederate flag

thats illegal, you d*mb fuck “always have a gun in case you see a brown person” why is my sentence any worse?

Because one’s a person, and one’s a fucking piece of cloth, you shitkicking assclown.

Says a lot about people who support the confederate flag. Also it’s only illegal in 5 states. It ain’t the US flag.

i need to go to dark cvs and pick up some DieQuil

i want to live in the peaceful feeling you get underwater where everything sounds softer and the lights are all tinged blue and the world feels silky and light and surreal

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

T-Pain: “That was the most beautiful thing in the world. Do you know why she was shaving her head? Because it was so important to other people. She is like, “Listen. Don’t touch my hair anymore. Stop touching my hair.” People were like, “We’ve got to make your hair before you go outside. You can’t leave.” She went … “Now I don’t have hair. What you going to do?”

The older I get the more her breakdown seems less ‘unbalanced’ and more ‘completely understandable’

its kind of sad when you hit up and old friend and you both really miss each other but the connection just isnt there anymore

I hate when I smile at a stranger and they don’t smile back I’m doing this for you fucker