lootboxes and lipsticks

“1450 italy? does it look like I have the time to dye you wool? nO. YOU’RE GOING TO THE 1980s”

“Upper middle class?!?!? You told me upper class! FUCK YEAH THERE’S A DIFFERENCE!!!”

“How about kimoNO.”

“Look me in the eyes. I do not care what you want. This is the 1500s. You absolutely cannot wear trousers.”

“Another court gown?? Here’s a novel idea: go as a peasant for once in your life. Why do you do this to me? You’re fucking sadists that’s why.”

“Don’t mind me, I’ll just be up all night hand painting silk.”

NO, you are not allowed in 9th C Japan, send one of the men. You don’t even know what season it is! You don’t know how closely related to the Emperor you need to be! I am not making you 8 dress layers in subtly different shades of green, with hand sown embroidery, that you can only wear for the one day, just to have you sent out of court in shame because its EARLY winter, not mid, and you’re hopelessly unfashionable!

And you DEFINITELY aren’t going to Elizabethan England as a courtier! That’s at least 6 different dresses a day, I don’t CARE if you have access to tampons! 

QUILLWORK! You want me to do QUILLWORK! I need my deer bone needle and a whole lot of porcupine quills, right away. Also, a week to refresh myself on that group’s designs - you do know the exact year, family, and history of the Cree community you’re visiting, right? How much influence from neighbouring tribes? Also, what time next year do you want this done?

Sorry, the fur I need is from an extinct animal, go somewhen else instead.

Luise Stolze

Millenials: *boycott companies that benefit off exploitation of people and natural resources*

“What’s your name?” “I’ve never had one.”

Not only is this objectively the funniest line in the entire thing, but it also speaks to something deeper. Like, every bit guy who was in one scene gets a name. But not her, the ostensible star of the commercial. She exists only to feed her Hungry Guys. Her name is “Babe, we need more Totinos!”