✯HEXIE MOUNTAINS✯

twink ate all my pretzels so i threw it off a cliff like a harpoon and it actualy inbedded on the other side of the cliff and now im kinda mad i didnt tye a rope to its feet

[taking you aside in the group masturbation vc] this place is a den of vipers... you are the only one I can trust

"Think like a woke, act like a chud" is the thesis statement of metal gear rising: revengeance. The inverse, "think like a chud, act like a woke" has been democratic party policy for decades

@were--ralph

@tony-the-tigers-juicy-armpit

You don't like tumpet? 🎺? bwaaa?

i need (abruptly stops talking & stares at some random fixed point with a vacant expression)

sad news, my son Crispin Shopify III saw a picture of me when i was breastfeeding him as a baby. the psychiatrists all agreed that exposure to this act which is potentially incestuous and sexual was equivalent to infinite permanent sexual trauma, and so we've decided to euthanize him and just start again from the beginning. hopefully i wont fuck it up again this time. god bless.

*gripping sink clenching teeth* one percent is better than zero percent. one percent is better than zero percent. one percent is better than zero percent. one percent is better than zero percent.

only washing your face in the shower, just to get anything clean, is better than not showering at all. doing one push up just to get your body moving is better than doing zero push ups. putting a single floret of broccoli in your pasta just to get any amount of veggies in you is better than zero broccoli. only getting out of bed to feed your cat is better than not feeding your cat. writing down what you want to do today, and then not doing it, is still better than never doing anything at all.