If Hotch was raised catholic (which Thomas Gibson said he probably was) then its not out of the realm of possibility that he and haley never had sex before they were married.

And its not unreasonable to assume they could've held off on getting married until Hotch had graduated law school, maybe even until he was a bit into being a lawyer when they would have more money and stability.

And maybe hotch doesnt really believe in god, probably never has. And if he did it was lost as a child with the beatings and no one helping. Maybe haley doesnt either. But certain things about a catholic upbringing stick, like his guilt, and so no sex before marriage.

So hotch never actually really has to examine his gay thoughts and interest in men for a long time. Because he has a girlfriend and he loves her and what else is there to it than that.

And he can pretend the underwhelming wedding night sex was just like that because of the pressure or because that's just how he thinks sex is and everyone finds it underwhelming and difficult.

And somewhere in his subsequent unsatisfaction with his life he quits being a lawyer to join the fbi, to help people because no one ever helped him when he was a kid and needed it. And it helps a bit but theres still something not quite right, something about his life he isnt fully satisfied with. But he likes his job overall and he's helping people so its enough.

And its not until he's in the bau that he ever has to think about maybe being gay. And if he doesnt realise until spencer is rambling and he suddenly has the urge to kiss him then he'll throw himself into guilt about the age gap because spencer is twenty two and he's thirty four and that's too much of a gap at spencer's age. And when Gideon gets six agents blown up and takes temporary leave he'll add the guilt about being reid's boss to why he cant ever address it or look at it too closely.

And he'll throw himself harder into his marriage to convince himself he's straight. They'll try for a baby because that's what married couples do and they have a stable enough life and haley thinks it'll fix whatever aaron is missing in his life and more importantly their marriage. Because she knows theres something making him distant, she's not an idiot. For all he does clearly love her and try, he still spends hours at work like it's nothing to him. Has no problem sleeping without her on cases. He acts like he's supposed to but theres no depth to it. So they try for a baby and conceive.

And hotch can ignore that he still looks at Reid, still thinks about kissing him and maybe in more shameful moments about sex with him.

The divorce is inevitable and yet it takes him by surprise. So used to haley accepting the distance and ignoring the why.

And he still refuses to address the gay. He has to focus on Jack and what's best for him and trying to not make haley hate him anymore than she already does.

But he becomes a little more aware of it. He wont address the elephant in the room but he knows its there, lurking in the corner of his eye.

And it'll stay there, sometimes more visible than other times, for years. Until long after haley is dead and he can admit to himself things he couldnt face before. In a way her death gives him the freedom to look at his gayness without the guilt of having kept her trapped for so long because at least she had a good life before her death, she never knew her husband is gay.

And one day he'll face it. He'll kiss Spencer under crappy florensent lights in some police station in the middle of nowhere at two am because spencer was so excited about whatever he was rambling about that hotch couldnt not kiss him. They'll take it slow because hotch has never done this before. Eventually hotch will have gay sex for the first time and learn that sex is fun and feels really good when you're having it with someone you actually want to have sex with.