Americia

tw: canon typical violence

part 1

part 2

𓆝𓆟𓆞𓆝𓆟

Aaron didn’t know how much time has passed. Has it passed at all or were they stuck in the same short moment they’ve decided to set their foot in Silent Hill? That didn’t really matter. The point was, Spencer has never let him touch him before and now he was begging Aaron to dig the knife deep in his hand.

“Please, it’s there, take it out, take it out”, — the boy was crying hysterically shaking with fear.

“There is nothing under your skin, Spencer, calm down”

“I fucking feel it and it’s moving, I can’t take it anymore, please”, — he was frantically scratching his wrist, getting a small droplets of ichor out of there but it was hardly enough to calm him down.

The blade reflected the dull light coming through the thick fog. Hotch didn’t know when he managed to took out his knife and why’d he do that.

“I won’t do it”, — the man said, his knuckles turning white at the tight grip on the handle.

“Please, Aaron, I’m begging you”

Reid was an ugly crier and despite that Hotch couldn’t take his eyes off him. The picture of the boy looking so utterly pathetic and desperate was doing something to his brain and every part of his body that laid lower. He wasn’t scared to hurt Spencer. He was scared because that’s what he wanted to do. He wanted to dig the knife deep into Reid’s flash, rip his pale skin open and see what he’d find underneath. The blood, the muscle, all the way to the bone. He needed to see all the layers of his beauty and get him bare of it all, so there was only the very essence left. It might explain it all. It might be the answer to all the questions of how’s and why’s. It might be the real reason they both were here.

“Aaron”, — the boy cried out again, weaker, sweeter.

If he closed his eyes, he could almost see it, he could almost feel the crack of the skin underneath the sharp blade, the smooth movement of it slowly coming all the way to the elbow, resisting the pressure of flesh. The blood, flowing from the wound was hot and thick, and the smell of it was the best thing Aaron had ever known. The taste must have been as well. Everything around was turning crimson and finally, finally, Reid didn’t look so prefect, so unaffected by the horrors that messed with Aaron’s head.

“Enough, ugh, stop”

The breathy little squeak got to Hotch’s ears right when boy’s head landed on his chest as in complete defeat or an ultimate relief. Aaron looked down in horror and saw the very real knife buried in bloody arm. And his hand was holding it.

“No, no, no, I’m sorry, I—“, — he pulled the blade out and the boy gasped, falling like a dead weight into Aaron’s arms.

The sound of steal hitting the pavement was the loudest noise that has ever gotten through this tower and the man thought he must be deafened by it, because he didn’t heard a single word Spencer said after it.

“Thank you, oh, it’s okay, everything is okay now, it got out, it left me”

The boy was bleeding onto him, muttering some grateful nonsense and the only thing Aaron could think about was the fact that he was the only monster that managed to hurt Reid in whatever time they’ve spent here.

𓆝𓆟𓆞𓆝𓆟

The only thing they managed to find in an abandoned pharmacy was an old rotten bandage and water Aaron used to clean Reid’s crimson hand. The boy was hissing but never once complained though the pain from such a deep cut must have been strong. It would need stitching and Hotchner had little to no skills in medicine so it would leave an ugly scar, there was no doubts.

“We have to go to the hospital”

“Why? It’s alright”, — Spencer said, despite everything being utterly wrong.

“We need to disinfect the wound and stitch it, but there is nothing to do it with”

“Can you go there without me?”

Aaron didn’t tell him that he was possessed, neither did he tell the boy that in that moment he enjoyed cutting his skin open, that he wanted to get deeper into Spencer, that he was going to take him apart bit by bit. He should have. Reid had to know that he was in danger, because it could happen again and next time it would only get worse. But telling him meant loosing him. And Hotch couldn’t stand the thought of being left alone once again.

“Are you scared of me?”

“No, no, it’s not that”, — Reid reassured him all too quickly. — “I’m just not ready to go there, yet, I think”

“What do you mean?”

Spencer hesitated before answering but there was nothing left to hide once the man saw his white bones.

“I also came here looking for someone”, — the boy said, looking at his dirty shoes with the droplets of blood drying on them. — “Well, not looking, I know she’s here, in the hospital, where I’ve left her years ago. I need to take her home. I have to. I know I did the wrong thing, sending her here, but I was so tired, and I wanted to live my life, I wanted to know what it meant, what it felt like. I saw her suffering every single day and I could do nothing about it and I-I couldn’t take it anymore. She screamed, and she cried and she hit me, when she wasn’t recognizing who I was. But it wasn’t her fault and I really shouldn’t have left her alone”

“Who are you talking about?”

“My mom”

𓆝𓆟𓆞𓆝𓆟

Still he came with Hotch. Whether because he managed to find the strength to finally face his mother, who he was avoiding for so long, or because he was scared to actually part ways with the man, even though at this point he was as much danger as any other creature in this cursed town. Hotchner doubted that they would find Spencer’s mom here. The building looked as wrecked as all the other places in Silent Hill and as deserted. But his determination to find Haley wasn’t any less lunatic, so he kept his mouth shut.

After they got what they needed, they barricaded in one of the empty hospital rooms that didn’t smell too much like rott and death. Not like there was a huge difference.

“It’ll hurt”, — the man said, holding a needle that was supposed to go in and out Spencer’s pale skin.

“I know”, — he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, and after that didn’t make a single sound for the whole time Aaron was stitching him up.

The stitches were ugly but Reid was beautiful, biting his lip and clenching his fists. When Hotch was done he bent to chew off the rest of the thread, getting so closed to the wound, he was tempted to lick it.

“You need to rest”

“No, my mom is somewhere here, I have to find her”, — Spencer protested, even though he was clearly exhausted.

“I’ll wake you up before long, but your organism needs time to recover”

Reid agreed to sleep just so he could close his eyes and stop seeing all these horrors at least for an hour or two, so he laid down on the bed that had no pillows, no blancket and no mattress to begin with, curling in a little ball near Aaron’s legs, but didn’t dare put his head on man’s thighs.

“What do you see?”

“What do you mean?” — the man asked, looking down on Spencer.

“The monsters. I think all people see them a bit differently”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know”, — Reid grimaced and made himself even smaller on the bed, — “Usually I have all the answers but this place has worn me down, I can’t even think properly anymore. No matter how much I try, it’s all blurred”

“Well, mine are some humanoid creatures, who crawl on their fours and bleed, even though they have no wounds, and scream even though they have no mouths”, — Aaron said, holding his hand somewhere near boy’s hair, but not near enough to touch.

“Mine are deadly silent, but they are always looking at me with hundreds of eyes. And they are all hands that are always reaching out for me”, — Spencer paused for a moment, thinking about something and then added in a quiet voice, as if it was something he didn’t want to hear himself, — “I don’t think they really want to kill me most of the time. They want to touch me”

“Touch you? Like… sexually?”

“Not necessary. But it’s always something possessive, like they own me, like they have a right on my body. And it feels gross”

“I’m not a monster”, — Aaron felt the need to say, even though he wasn’t so sure of it anymore.

“I know, but I mean, can we be sure? How can you be so confident I’m not a monster? Or that you aren’t? This place is playing with our minds and most of the time I feel like I’m loosing”

“Well, can’t be sure about myself, but you’re too pretty to be a Hell‘s creation”

“Maybe it’s just another illusion and what you see is not the same I will if I look in the mirror”

Aaron looks at the boy and for a moment his features are destorted, his face is a mess and his whole body is covered in stabbed wounds. And he is bleeding. Bleeding uncontrollably on Aaron’s arms. And the next moment everything is fine. He is just a boy drifting to sleep, curled by his side.

“I’ve been called that before”, — Reid breathed out with his eyes shut closed.

“Pretty?”

“Monster”

“Why?”

“Intellect can appear threatening for some”

“Who called you that?”

“My pears. I was six and I knew that I‘d never experience the sense of community long before they even knew what that was”, — Reid shifted a bit, trying to find a comfortable position, even though there wasn’t one, — “This place doesn’t feel that different from any other, you know. It may even not be the worst”

I heard a lot about the TV series before watching it but never once I’ve seen someone talking that it’s about twisting narratives, making up a story that you have no choice but to go along with because no one in you life was ever on your side and so nothing you say or believe can be the truth. I don’t care if Niall is ruining his life over self-pity, I’ve seen Ruben on screen for just four episode and I’m scared of him. Imagine being forcefully made to live with him in a house where no one believes that you has a reason to be scared.

“I don’t think I can be better than Beth, ugh, I think I can be okay though. Well, a little bellow the average more like. Nothing special or anything, you probably have better options. There is no need to choose me, really, but can you, please? No pressure, though. I want you to be happy, so it’s up to you to decide. But if you chose me, that would be nice. I don’t do triathlons and I won’t run with you in the morning, I’ll actually sleep until the noon, because I was writing my thesis all night. I’m akward with kids and I think Jack likes Derek more than me, but I know lot of stuff about dinosaurs and stars if he’s interested. I’m not the type to call you on dates and, to tell the truth, I’m not the type who goes on dates at all, so that will be awkward too. I can’t cook and I don’t have much experience in bed or, well, at all, you know, sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing and what I’m talking about. I’m not your type, meaning I’m not cheerful, confident, gentle and I’m definitely not a girl, though I decided to grow my hair again, do you like it? I mean, it doesn’t matter, but I hope you do, even if that won’t make me a good wife, you’re searching for.

He wasn’t a junkie, no, nothing like that. He didn’t stand on his knees and begged for another dose. Well, sometimes he did get on his knees to beg, but it had nothing to do with drugs, okay? Robby just liked him that way. And Frank just needed Robby to like him.

Robby is melting his brains, he’s messing his insides. Frank’s back hurts more when he is on top of the man, he screams the loudest when he’s under him. He loses his sleep and his appetite, he is either up high or on his lowest. Sometimes he feels sick of himself and sometimes he feels sick of Robby, but never enough to quit. At first, it was just ‘one time thing’, then it turned in hundreds of ‘last times’. Frank kept coming back and Robby kept letting him in.

— do I look pathetic?

There is really no point in asking, Frank knows he does. He saw his own reflection in a mirror when he got here fifteen minutes ago. He looked anxious, twitchy and utterly desperate. He took his shirt off before Robby managed to lock the door behind him and didn’t even feel embarrassed when the man turned to look at him. He needed that dose, no, sorry, he needed Robby, whatever piece of himself he was willing to give him in exchange for Langdon’s body, mind, soul and decades of life.

— yes, you do. but I like it.

Two „alfa-males“ who have huge trust issues, build all of their relationships around respect and their belief that everything in the world is about the power. They never talk about their feelings, never share their problems, preferring to deal with everything on their own. They both proved to be great leaders, always tend to do everything „their way“ and both never did something they didn’t agree with.

Wouldn’t you think that it‘d be a great reason for a conflict? Wouldn’t you think that it‘d inevitably lead to a destructive collision?

And yet, it never does. Derek settles into submissive position willingly, because of how much he respects Hotch. He wants Aaron to be the boss, and, dare I say, he wouldn’t want it to be anyone else. If it was not him, Morgan would take the leader position, not because he wants it, but because he would hate to submit to anyone else. It’s not a blind devotion, he just knows that Hotch sees him as an equal. Derek is the one who talks most freely to Hotch, maybe besides Rossi. He can voice all of his concerns, disapprovals, and Hotch will listen to him. They almost never have issues and when they do it’s always because of the fact that they’re too alike. It’s always some variation of „You ask me why didn’t I tell you? And do you ever share anything at all?“

Emily is the cool older sister that you know nothing about, even though you want to. She plays with you and takes you with her to the mall, but she never shares her friends, her lovelife, her secrets, her fears. She’ll smile to you softly and laugh at your jokes and then you’ll hear her cries at night and how she argues with mom, but you won’t ever talk about it, because you know she’ll avoid every question. You want to be close to her, and you think it’s unfair she doesn’t. She always deals with everything on her own. And you get angry at her, because you think that means she doesn’t trust you. And you think she owes you the trust. You say you want to protect her, like a good brother you are. She says that she doesn’t need your protection and you get angry again. You wonder how long she’ll treat you like a kid. She hopes that you’ll always be safe and will never have to share her burden.