Two idiots, and romance that no one realizes.
This is my secret Santa gift for @alwaysreading9622 as a part of the @acotargiftexchange I have enjoyed this event so much and I have enjoyed talking to you over the course of the last few months (it really doesn’t feel like that long)
Summary:
After the events at hybern that left both Azriel and Cassian injured, they dodge each other, confront one another, and are both blind idiots.
Cassian hadn’t known what had possessed him to jump in front of Az. Az was his best friend but still. As Cassian’s mind was on Azriel, he hadn't seen the shadowsinger since the fight to get out of hybern. Rhys had refused to let him know any information about Azriel and since he was on a flying ban, he couldn’t leave the house of wind to look for him.
Over the course of the time it had taken Cassian to heal he had searched the house of wind from top to bottom. He found all of his old weapons and his brothers as well. That afternoon and the next two days were spent slowly painstakingly removing the weapons of rust and anything clinging to the blades, and sharpening them, steel hitting the wet stone was the only noise in the house. The living room looked like an armory, all the weapons in three separate clumps. It really showed how each of the brothers liked to fight.
Cassian with his swords, long, short, you name it he would wield it. Rhysand with his bows and swords, Rhys and his bows. Easy to wield at a distance like magic he would say. And Azriel and his daggers. There were so many daggers, and once upon a time there had been a sword. But Cass had not seen the sword in years. The boys had taken the three major weapons when training and they still welded them to this day.
Cassian looked out the window. It was dark and the sky lit up with stars. Oh how Cassian wanted to fly among them again. He loved it. He had loved it even more when his brothers joined him. A shooting star flashed speed across the sky, another not far behind.
______
Azriel had known what had made him ask Rhys to let him heal at Rosehall instead of at the house of wind. Rhys had tried to convince him but even in a half unconscious state he still pleaded to heal at Rosehall. No matter how badly Azriel wanted to stay at the house with Cassian he couldn’t. He had seen how he looked at Nesta.No matter what Azriel’s shadows or his mother for any reason had tried to convince him, he couldn’t.
Azriel once healed he started baking again. His mother and him had always baked together. It was how they celebrated the winter solstice, they always made lemon bread and lemon posset.
Azriel had actually taken up some of his favorite things. He was writing for pleasure and reading for it for the first time in decades. He had also started playing the piano, guitar and singing again. At Rosehall Azriel could be Azriel Varsay, instead of Azriel Shadowsinger, the spymaster of the night court.
Azriel's mother Lyra had loved seeing her son for such a long time. Whenever he visited he was pulled so far into himself and when he left he was almost not any better. So Lyra basked in the time she was given to pull her son back to the shadows and far from where the light could reach.
They were sitting on the bank of the creek that ran through the gardens. Azriel and his mothers voice’s echoing across the valley. The soft guitar echoing with the lilting voices. Shadows dancing across the valley, chasing each other like little puppies. They had a break and you were certain that they were taking it as they could come back and let the world and all of the information it holds fall away for a while as the two living illyrians and the hundreds of their ancestors danced and sang a melody of longing and love. A night where they let themselves go. A shooting star flashed across the sky, another not far behind.
________________
Azriel had been called back to the night court. He still had the pain from the arrow and the fae bane had yet to fully disappear but Rhys didn't have to know that. And neither did anyone else. His mother had begged him to tell Rhys but Azriel being the stubborn illyrian that he was decided to go back to the night court.
He had been back for a few hours and still had yet to run into anyone, and he was thankful for that. His shadows had alerted him that Mor was in the rainbow, Amren in her apartment, Rhys in his office at the townhouse and Cassian… his shadows were not telling him. Azriel checked the training roof before entering so he could check that he would be alone. The cold wind blew across the roof and tousled his hair as he walked over to the punching bag. He didn't bother to wrap his hands, he couldn't feel them so what was the point. His shadows skittered to the edge of the training ring as his first punches landed. The aching of his muscles after not training for however long was welcome.
Cassin had heard that Azriel had returned, but yet he was still trying to find the damned bat. He checked every room in the house for cauldron sakes and yet still couldn't find the shadowsinger. He knew if Azriel didn't want to be found no matter how much he tried the shadowsinger would remain hidden. Azriel had done that so many times, especially since they were kids. The spymaster would disappear for hours normally coming back cold and bloody. Cassian would take his time slowly approaching him. Then slowly wrapping him in towels magically warmed by the house. Slowly he would clean the blood off.
This reminded Cassian of the one other place that he hadn't checked. The training roof. Cassian crept his way across the floor. Azriel was focused on the punching bag. From that angle Cassian could see the blood on the bag.
“Az!”
The shadowsinger spun around and looked at him.
“Cassian.”
Cass stiffened. Azriel never called him Cassian unless it was for work or Az was really mad at him. But that had only happened a handful of times. He saw how empty the shadow singer's eyes were. He wanted to weep. The shadows were thin and agitated, wiping around Azriel’s head.
“Az, please. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. At least nothing you can do. You can’t change what is bound to happen.”
What. The shadowsinger slipped by him. He turned, watching his back retreat into the house. This was normal Az behavior but because of what had happened with hybern he didn't know what Az’s mindset was. And that in itself was dangerous for Az and for others. His shadows could become unpredictable.
Cassian decided not to follow Az. If Azriel wanted to be alone Cassian would leave him alone. The house set the table for two but Cassian ate alone. He waited, wanting Az to come have dinner with him. But an hour later Az was not in sight. Cassian poured himself a glass of whiskey and sat on the balcony, a glass beside him.
_______________
Azriel laid flat out on his back on the floor. He could see his skin knitting together. He couldn't feel it but he could see it. Why had he walked away, he should have said something other than what he said. He felt Rhys tapping vigorously at his mental wall.
What?
I need you to go get it autumn now, Feyre needs you
Am I going alone or…
Cassian will be with you
Okay his life had just gotten so much worse. He pulled himself off the floor and to the shelf with weapons. He put as much on his body as he could and still moved. Then quickly made his way to the balcony where his shadows had told him Cassian was. He kept his eye line down and grabbed his arm to winnow them away out to save their high lady.
__________
Azriel had seen Cassian take the hit to his leg. He had seen the blade dig into Cassian’s flesh. And if he was imagining it he could feel pain from the same spot on his own leg. They had returned to the night court with Feyre and the young vanserra of all people. Azriel tracked down Cassian that night. Finding the general sitting on a chair in his office, with a glass of whisky.
“Did you wrap the wound?”
Cassian looked up. Looking shocked to see Azriel. That was definitely not what the general expected from his Friday evening even after what had already happened today.
“No, and how did you know I got hurt?”
“Saw it. Wanted to make sure you took care of it. But your leg is up on the desk.”
Cassian did as Azriel pulled out some bandages from the cauldron. His pant leg was pulled up to reveal the wound. It had not held as it should have and was red and inflamed. There was also a puss like substance in the wound itself.
“I will need stitches and it is infected. It will hurt.”
Azriel kept his words short and clipped his shadows were making enough noise.
The general!
Help him
Help him you idiot
Hurt
And the ever constant sound that had been with him since he had met Cassian in wind haven all those years ago.
Mate
Mate
Mate
Azriel pulled out the thread and started to stitch up the cuts. The hisses coming from Cassian as he did this did not help with the shadows murmurings. He tied off the stitches and wrapped up the wound. He then stood and went to leave.
“Stay.”
Cassian had no clue what had caused him to say that but he did. Azriel looked at him and then at the door. Then on the roof. What was he thinking? What were both of them thinking? Cassian couldn't have Azriel. He had once fantasized about it. About Az and him living out a life in an apartment in the rainbow. But that had been a fantasy. Cassian knew Azriel didn’t like men. Cassian was very open about his relationship with men and women. But Az had never taken a male to his bed once. And now Cassian thought about it; he had never learned if Azriel took anyone to his bed.
“Fine.”
Azriel sat on the chair opposite Cassian as a glass of brandy was slid across the table to him. They sat there in silence before Cassian spoke.
“Have you ever had sex?”
Azriel choked on his drink, once he had composed himself again he spoke.
“No, how many times have you?”
“To many to count. Have you ever been in love?”
“No, have you?”
Cassian looked up.
“But Mor.”
“No, I never loved her, not in that way. Answer my question.”
“Twice, maybe three times. Nothing has ever become anything other than crushes.”
“Who?”
“Game rule one asks then the other answers then they can ask. One at a time. Why have you never loved anyone or fucked anyone.”
Azriel sighed. Oh no. had Cassian crossed some invisible line he was not supposed to. What if this was the end of everything.
“I am demiromantic and asexual. I really need to know someone to experience romantic attraction and little to no sexual attraction. Now who are you in love with?”
Oh.
“Well um, there was that one girl in windhaven and as much as I hate to admit it Rhys.”
“The third?”
“You.”
Azriel looked at him. Then stood and left. He just messed up bigtime.
_____________
“I messed up Rhys big time.”
Cassian was laying on a couch in Rhys’ office and Rhys was sitting on the chair behind the desk.
“What did you do this time?”
“I told Az I loved him right after he told me he was ace.”
He looked at Rhys. Rhys’ expressions said it all. Yup he had messed up.
“Well-”
Rhys began.
“- being demiromantic and ace does not restrict him from not having a romantic relationship. It just might make it a bit harder for him to come to it or understand it if he has the same feelings. and did you ask him?”
“When I had asked early he had said he never had feelings for anyone.”
“What were his exact words, Cassian?”
“I am demiromantic and asexual. I really need to know someone to experience romantic attraction and little to no sexual attraction. Now who are you in love with? That's what he said to Rhys.”
Rhys shook his head.
“Normally cassian, Normally. He never said no.”
Rhys was right; he had never explicitly said no.
________
“I messed up Feyre.”
Feyre sadly smiled at the shadow singer who was pacing the room.
“What happened?”
“I told Cass I was demiromantic and ace and then he came out as loving me. But I don't know if I do or if that's just the bond. Should I break it should I not.”
“You have the ability to love someone Az. you love Cassian just admit it. It is probably very hard but you do I can tell by the way you are talking to him. Azriel you love him.”
Azriel collapsed next to Feyre. She placed a hand on his shoulder. Rubbing it up and down his back.
“You have to tell him at some point. You don't want to wait too long Az, it can get messy otherwise.”
He nodded.
“I know. I know Feyre. But how do I just walk up and say, ‘you know how I said I was ace, well I like you and I am your mate lets go out’ Feyre what do I say.”
“Az, in a given time. Trust me you will find out what to do eventually.”
Az turned around and looked at her. Was right, he just had to wait for the right moment then he could tell him. He just might need to wait a long time.
_____________
A long time ment months. It was the end of the war and the two of them had gotten slit up because of Rhys’ order. Azriel was doing a final scan of the fields. His wings and back screaming along with the many gashes around his body. Once he finally returned he was grabbed into an embrace by Cassian. Then by Cassian he was dragged to the tent that the two of them shared. Cassian stripped Azriel of his leathers showing wound after wound. Cassian set about healing them one by one. The wings would have to wait for Madja.
“Why didn't you tell me about the bond?”
“I don't know. There was never a right time.”
“You can break it if you want.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Well you're not into romance.”
“Normally Cassian. Normally, there is one exception.”
The two looked at each other. Cassian reached out and pulled Azriel into a hug. Azriel returned it.
“Finally the love sick idiots admit it. Only five hundred years later.”
“It has not been five centuries. Rhys.”
Rhys - who was leaning against the wall of the tent - smirked and rolled his eyes at the illyrians he called brothers.
“Whatever you say Cass.”
Feyre who was standing behind him smiled. Azriel felt her cold night against his mental walls.
You finally did it
Shut up, feyre
Just proud you finally did it
____________
The two of them planned the mating ceremony only for them and the rest of the inner circle. They had settled into a routine rather quickly. One day after training Cassian waltz’s down into Azriel’s office. The shadowsinger had thrown himself back into work. Cassian wrapped his arms around him.
“Hi.”
“Hello love.”
“Stop working.”
“I don't have to get it done for Rhys.”
“Nope.”
Cassian made sure Az’s wings were properly tucked in so they couldn’t be hurt. Then he scooped him up in a bridal style. Azriel yelped and instinctively held on to Cassian. And Cassian whisked him away to their room. Then he tossed him on the bed.
“I was going to ask you to go on a flight but you are too exhausted and don't try to say I am wrong, I can hear it in your voice and see it. So instead we are going to have a nap.”
Cassian then crawled beside him and curled around him. Wings draped over Az effectively trapping him. Cassian then nuzzled his neck.
“Sleep love.”
And soon Azriel felt Cassian’s breath even out. Slowly he tried to escape but was effectively stuck. Azriel then slowly let his eyes droop and close. He let his worries fade and let his mate hold him when he slept. His shadows for once quiet, letting him be held by his mate in peace.
