#cazriel

The world is all tilted when Azriel wakes up.

His sheets still smell like Nesta when he shoots out of bed. She was here just a few minutes, hours ago now, but it’s like she’s fumigated everything, her perfume a carpet bomb.

He trips over his jeans still tangled on the rug. Nothing is the right size. His clothes are too small, his hands too big for his phone screen when he tries to check the time. His bedroom door is like the one in Alice in Wonderland, shrinking and growing, and he has the surreal fear it’ll crush him if he tries to pass through.

But the condom wrapper on the floor is a sobering reminder that this is all too real.

Eat me, the wriggling parts of his brain sing through the suffocating cloud of her.

Eat me.

Drink me.

Swallow me whole.

His throat bobs as he tries to press down the shame.

He just slept with his best friend's girlfriend.

Fiancee.

What the actual fuck is wrong with him.

He's snapped from the spiral by Cass whistling in the kitchen. Nesta's already gone. The blender grinds to life. The guilt is nuclear, irradiating all Azriel’s bones.

God, he has to get a grip. Strap on a hazmat suit and pray like an altar boy caught with communion wine that Cass leaves soon. That he can figure out what to do without the cloud of audacity obscuring all this better judgment.

Thank fucking fuck he has to go into the office this week. It’s worth stomaching insipid small talk if it keeps him from scuttling under the baseboards, in between the records sitting dusty on their shelf. Even worth seeing fucking Craig, his desk-mate, who seems to think they’re the best friends despite only sharing a few terse words about modding with C++/WASM.

Azriel stands with his back pressed to his door until he hears Cass thunk down on the front bench to put on pair of shoes number one.

Then he says, "Bye, Az!" like he wasn't inside his fiancee last night, the door swinging shut.

Then silence.

Azriel slinks to the shower, creeping along the despite no one being home. He turns the water up until it's decontamination-hot, though he knows it won’t kill the infection.

What does it mean? What does it mean? So Nesta caught him watching, then—ah.  A strangled sound escapes his throat.

Was it to teach him a lesson? Get revenge? But the things she said, how loud she was…

It's more than he can wrap his head around, the synapses failing to connect. None of it makes sense.

But the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

The immutable data: Cass did nothing to stop him after the party. But then he never mentioned it, either. Neither did Nesta last night. In fact, they both initiated in different ways, penetrating in his magnetic field, almost as if they wanted to…

Hm. No. That doesn't make sense.

The shower head sputters, blasting scalding water on his face.

Maybe Nesta is just a cheater. Maybe Cass is a cheater. Azriel supposes he’s one too, by proxy.

Maybe everyone sucks here. Maybe it's for the better. Maybe they’re all fucked.

Or maybe the wheel of karma has finally come to crush him.

Tag list: @wolfnesta @clarranam @jsmelodies @misstyfikacja @scarlettrose80 @silly-little-lizard @acourtofladydeath @freyjascatchariot @spilledcoffeechronicles @chelseamorninggirl @norabraveseeker @mydnights @irithiadourden @ericacharles514 @ladyefoxy @something-xoxo @smol-grandpa @humansaredumb @pham-tastical

Looking back on it, the shrill cry of sheer agony was likely the first time Azriel had felt true fear. He’d faced down endless threats and killed until his hands were irreversibly covered in scarlet stains. He controlled the very essence of darkness - saw through the shadows and let his power reach its zenith in the recesses of midnight - and he was the spymaster of the Night Court. He was not scared.

Until Cassian’s scream filled the air around him.

He forgot all about the blade that had pierced his chest, forgot the blood dripping over his hands, forgot the Cauldron, forgot the King of Hybern, all that mattered being the piercing cries as the general he’d fallen in love with got his wings shredded by the fierce blast of power that rocked the world.

Cassian collapsed against him, blood spraying in sickening crimson ripples that dripped over the scarred palms that Azriel had accepted so early into his life. It was those same hands, the ones that had wielded endless blades and killed off interminable amounts of people, that came up to aid him in the agony that was movement.

He struggled under Cassian’s weight and the wound piercing his chest, pulled himself upwards, gritting his teeth hard enough to fear they might crack, until he supported the general’s weight wholly against his side. His own wings flared instinctively, tenting around the two of them despite how hard they pulled on his wounded body. Shadows twined over Cassian’s hands, weak but there, persisting at his command. The sight was enough to make him want to die on the spot, the blood that dripped from wrecked wings and lacerations all across the general’s body, the scarlet life’s essence that pooled under them and mingled with his own, the sheer terror and pain in those usually-warm irises.

The familiar smile was gone from his friend’s face and it wasn't until he registered this fact that he realized he was crying. Just seeing Cassian like this - curled into himself against his side, shaking with terrified, anguished sobs, the usually brash and exuberant general looking once again like a petrified child…

It scared the hell out of him.

Azriel watched as the King of Hybern brought Feyre’s sisters to the edge of the Cauldron, one by one - first Elain, then Nesta, the two of them Made without a say in their own fate. He watched, unable to help, as Feyre herself tried to reach her sisters, face contorted in rage and desperation. His heart sank as each one of those wretched queens was granted power, Cassian still shaking with terror against his side.

His vision turned into a blurry swirl of color, the world bleeding into itself until he could no longer make out his High Lord’s face. The baleful light and shadow mingled, taunting, and he realized he was crying. Him, the Night Court’s spymaster, revered killer, crying like a child as the world bled around him. Grief ripped open his chest, sliced through his flesh and bone in cold, baleful blades. He was delirious, everything so cold and so hot at the same moment, the pain dulling a little with the blood rushing through his ears. His hands grew heavy, even as he tried to grip Truth-Teller’s obsidian hilt with numb fingers - to protect what he didn’t know. Cassian’s agony-crazed eyes found his with a sort of deadness in their depths.

He loved him.

He really did.

In the swirl of dizzy color, he could make out every particular of Cassian’s face with such distinct detail it made his heart ache. That break hurt worse than any of the wounds littering his skin, any of the blood dripping off his hands and from his lips and- Mother above, there was so much blood…

He’d never been deterred by the scarlet liquid before, seeing how much time he spent with blades in his hands and shadows in his heart, breaking people slowly. And yet… his stained palms only served to remind him of the brutalization of his skin that his atrocious excuses for brothers had decided to inflict on him. The burns. They came to the front of his mind, fear mixing in the agony and grief to make some heady drug that he could do nothing but drown in, watching Feyre and Tamlin and Elain and Nesta and Rhys with nothing- nothing he could do to make it stop-

A warm touch broke that spell of despair that had claimed his mind. He snapped to attention once more, wincing at the strain on his wounded body. Cassian clutched his bloodied hands in his own, that hysteria-tinged gaze fixed on his with a determination so strong it rivalled steel, blocking his view of his hands and stopping that desperate survival instinct at its source. He’d seen that petrified gleam in his eyes, despite the ruins of his wings and the chaos swirling around them - he’d seen and reached out despite the blood, despite the pain, looking to him first. It hurt.

Inexplicably.

It shouldn’t have hurt that bad, but he felt guilty nonetheless. Cassian should’ve been worried about himself instead, worried about his wings, or about Rhys, anything other than him. He’d be fine on his own. It was okay. The world could collapse onto his shoulders and it would be okay, so long as Cassian wouldn’t have to worry about it. He’d be fine.

And he gazed into those beautiful eyes, feeling like he was floating out of his body, blood loss making him dizzy, and he sort of just… broke. How odd for someone like him. Cassian’s wrecked, whisper-soft voice peeked through the chaos, a soothing sound that Azriel had to strain to hear. The words were almost ripped away by the fierce upheaval around them, like trying to whisper into hurricane-force winds and have someone hear, but they were there all the same.

“I’m sorry…”

Those two simple words could mean so, so much, and it wasn't right hearing them from Cassian’s lips. He hadn’t done anything wrong - maybe if Azriel hadn't been so weak or inattentive this time, he could have avoided this, could have saved Cassian and his wings, could have saved his High Lord and his mate, could have saved everyone if maybe he had been better… but it didn’t matter now. Now, entropy ruled their torn up surroundings and killed them slowly.

“I wish I could’ve been better,..”

Cassian’s eyes were glassy with tears and grief so thick it looked suffocating. Azriel remembered the times when in that gaze shone such wonder and happiness it had pulled him out of the numbness. The times back when they were young and delusional, when they used to fly through snow-capped mountains after training in the war-camps, back when their winters were marked with snowball fights and childish revelry and their lives were so simple. Back when those warm eyes had looked at him without tears and agony shimmering in their depths.

He summoned all the fickle strength in his voice that he could muster.

“It’s not your fault…” Azriel felt weak for the first time in his immortal life. He was lost, the world spinning as he listened to Rhys and Feyre’s cries and remembered how he couldn’t save anyone. Not with this heavens-damned bolt through his chest. He loved him uncontrollably, and it hurt so bad knowing he couldn’t help him. They were dying slowly, pressed into each other like children once more. They were drowning, everyone here, but none quite like Azriel was.

“I wish I could have had more time to love you.” He said, so soft and so intent that it ached even more. This man was more than just a dream - he was everything - and he couldn’t have had a second longer to maybe tell him properly how much his heart screamed with adoration for him. He’d run out of that time so long ago, only serving to make the regret eat at him further. Cassian deserved better than someone who couldn’t even say “I love you” until it was too late. The heartbreaking hope written all over his friend’s face was enough to make him cry again, tears slipping down his cheeks and mingling with the blood, running in rosy rivulets down his face. He closed his eyes, willing to let the dark sink in until it choked him-

-and a warm embrace filled that hollowed-out space.

Cassian flung his bloodied arms around his neck, holding him close this one final time. Mother only knew if they’d make it or not, but this might have made it worth it. 

“I love you too…”

The general’s voice was weaker now, and if he wasn’t speaking practically into his ear, he wouldn't have heard him. So faint… so weak… so unlike Cassian, the brash male he was…

And so they felt the darkness’s cold embrace sneak up around them, wings askew, haphazardly clinging to each other in the face of what could be life or death. This darkness was not the familiar type of mock-warmth that was Azriel’s shadows. This was cold and baleful, like the bone-deep winter chill that flooded through the Steppes in the snowy seasons. Something memorable turned into a cruel mockery of what once was. And yet… They faced it without fear. Willing to brave it together. Azriel brought his arms up one last time, weak as they may be, and held him close in a crushing embrace before slipping into unconsciousness.

Until we see each other again, Cassian.

Know I’ll always love you.

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(I've been gone so long omg!!! my sincerest apologies for abandoning you all, but I had to take a quick break for my mental health. more projects coming soon, so have this small little one to start :3 so excited to be back!!)

His blade was held steady in one calloused hand, crimson-splashed steel dripping onto the stones underfoot in a maddeningly slow rhythm. The battle was over, the world slashed and bleeding into a crimson river that flowed through his veins like he held the very universe in his palms. It was a gratifying high, something that he’d always learned to crave in fights - the feel of power flooding him, real power, like what Rhys had. True strength that transcended the physical faculty he possessed. Something fickle and yet so overpowering, filling his mind with the sweet feel of control.

That quiet second was when he felt something so strong snap into his consciousness that he could have died on the spot. A tether gripped him, pulling him closer to something, an unconscious voice that led him across the vast expanse of blood-soaked flagstone to find the subject of such aggressive attention. It was bright, something that felt like the daylight that fell over Velaris and coated it in a sun-cloaked haze of color. Bright and yet burning, a flame in his chest that grew more vicious with every step clicking on the stone.

Seven sparkles of azure appearing in his vision made a searing light blind him.

'Cause when you walked into my life

Azriel stood before him, shadows rippling over his shoulders and wings like protective soldiers of their very own. Those steel-cold eyes had always been familiar to Cassian, the Shadowsinger’s calculating warmth like a compass. His presence was where home is. And the warmth that presence was pouring into him was like nothing he’d ever felt before, like swirling clouds of light fogging up his mind.

I could feel my life begin

The silence between them was deafening, but laced with the bright heat of… whatever was binding them together. It was exhilarating, a great cascade of bliss replacing the blood in Cassian’s veins. Azriel’s proximity had always been amicable, but now it felt like he was carrying a part of the Shadowsinger with him, somewhere deep in his heart. Somewhere, kept in a place where no one could reach it, no one could sever it, growing stronger the more he looked at the warrior across from him.

Memories began to flood him, of the happy and the sad, the days where they’d spar together with Rhys, of when they’d lay in the sun together, wings splayed out over soft grass as they talked about nothing and everything all at once, the days they’d stay up ‘till midnight just looking at the stars… Everything that felt… right.

And he realized then that maybe this sun-bright tether binding him to Azriel had always been there, he just hadn’t noticed it. Maybe they’d always been meant for each other, but the bond was forged in silence and familiarity instead of the fire that was right now. The blood-thick breeze caught in his wings, and he knew that this wasn’t just some kind of sick dream. This was real, he was here, caught up in the Shadowsinger’s gaze and feeling the love that was pouring through him with incessant repetition.

“You feel it too?”

Azriel’s voice was soft, hesitant, heartachingly tentative as if he were worried that he could shatter the moment by simply talking. It made Cassian’s heart go soft, the way his eyes shone so prettily with love and softness and an almost innocent hope. He didn’t bother with words then.

His blade dropped from his hands, falling to the ground with a feather-soft clink against the stones. Stepping forward and closing the distance between them with three purposeful strides, he pulled Azriel close to his chest in a crushing embrace, wings flaring out and wrapping around him. He felt tears prick his eyes, sapphire-dark Siphons cold on his skin for a moment before the warmth of the bond began to soften the chill.

His mate.

Like I was torn apart the minute I was only born

The Shadowsinger’s breath hitched softly before he melted into Cassian’s arms, and the bond flared up silver-bright like all the stars in the sky condensed into one, everglowing sun. The world tunneled, as if the only things that were true now were the two of them, once apart but forever together. They’d always been together since that first, fateful meeting, but never like this - never so close that they could feel each other’s heartbeat and the brush of their wings.

They’d never been strangers.

And you're the other half

The only thing that makes me whole

When they pulled back to meet each other’s gaze, the chorus of the bond heightened into a mind-splitting crescendo at just the look in Azriel’s eyes. Something like a feather brushed his wrist, soft and warm, a whisper of heaven that graced his skin. When he reluctantly pulled his gaze away from his mate’s to look, he found those shadows trellising up his arm, brushing his skin like little lovers of their very own.

The small, fond smile on Azriel’s face was enough to make his heart stop.

“They know your name…” he whispered, scarred hands coming up to gently cup his face. Cassian felt the shadows curl into a heart shape in the curve of his neck and shoulder, his breath catching in his throat at the feel of something so purely affectionate. Azriel’s scars felt so right against his skin, a feeling that had existed for a few seconds but for forever all the same.

“They only know the names of the people who matter…”

I know it sounds like a lot

But you really need to know

They were sun and stars, day and night, flame and shadow, opposites but the same all at once. The two who belonged together, the ones who would forever match with all their differences. They were beginning, middle, and end, the wide open sky and the heartbeat of the earth, their love transcending the confines of the universe. The feeling of his mate’s heartbeat syncing to his own made Cassian’s mind go blank, as if they were to share a lifeforce.

One symbiotic pulse to hold them both alive.

It was all too much, a simple stream of bliss that became a flood, drowning him in the feelings that had sparked so quickly in his chest. The bond grew brighter and brighter, a supernova binding them to each other with merciless intensity. The crimson-soaked world around them began to fade away, bleeding into a rose-red blur around the two mates that had finally found each other, together in the face of the world - of the Mother, of all that was right and wrong.

Together.

The abyssal swirls of sapphire that punctuated Azriel’s body shone bright - almost blinding - against the thick red backdrop, a cascade of deep azure that took up his focus. Shadows preened under his gaze, rippling darkness that curled over any skin they could reach and felt so right, like they were a true piece of Azriel brushing against his skin.

We are leaning out for love

And we will lean for love forever, I know

He remembered one night back when they were younger, back when they were still a little more naive and a little less worried. Back when they were more… free. The wind had swirled softly, brushing winter-scented breeze on their wings and sending shivers all through them. Cascades of starlight had mingled with those pure, crisp zephyrs, making the world shimmer in undulations of baleful light on frost-kissed grass. Their breath fogged in the biting air, soft snowflakes gracing their skin and catching in eyelashes and melting against warm hands. Wings had stirred restlessly and stirred the snowy gales.

Azriel and him had practically collapsed in the center of the clearing, a mess of breathless laughter and rosy cheeks, all smiles as they settled. They’d been close enough to feel their bodies barely touch, enough to feel the warmth radiating from each other’s skin, far enough away to drive out any semblance of intimacy. Wings splayed out over their little snowfield, they looked up with eyes still graced with youth and innocence - or, as much as the two had ever been able to create - and traced out the vast expanse of the night sky.

Stars spilled over the onyx canvas in diamond-soft sparkles, glittering off the snow and making the frost glow like little stars of its own. He remembered the way shivers had rippled through his body in exhilarating waves, his breath sharp and burning as the biting-cold air hit his lungs - remembered the way Azriel’s eyes had picked up on those little tremors, the way he’d extended one shadow-draped wing to tent around his body as a shield against the wind…

It hadn’t meant anything then… But now?

I love you so

The soft brush of scarred hands on his face stirred Cassian from his reminiscence, and he let himself melt into the affectionate touch without resistance. He’d never resist, as long as it was Azriel’s touch on him…

The way the shadows curled over his skin felt like darkness seeping into his heart, but not the cold abyss of night - no, this darkness was homely, like the night sky over two hearts, beating as one… him and Azriel, fated mates, sun and stars and the soft caress of moonlight over ebony wings. He could feel the rush of sunlight in his blood, the stir of summer-bright warmth dragging him far away from the blood covering his hands, the blade laying discarded on the stones at his side, the violence that surrounded them… There was nothing left but him and his mate.

And then Azriel kissed him.

And then I learned the truth

How everything good in life seems to lead back to you

Cassian’s heart skipped a beat before he melted into the kiss, the world beginning to fade away. The only true sensation was the feeling of Azriel’s lips on his, the feel of those shadows draped over his shoulder, the rain that brushed his skin as the sky cracked open…

The blood around them began to mix with the water, running over the stones in rivers of death, reminders of all the violence surrounding them. And yet, none of it mattered - all of it washed away in the arms of his mate. The Mother had made so many jokes out of his life, and yet the blessing she’d given him when he first felt the bond snap into place cancelled all of those cruelties. Azriel made all of it bearable. Ever since the first time they’d met.

Frosted windows and spring flowers had forged their love in caring hands.

Memories still filled him, as gentle as the kiss of his mate, the remembrance of times before that marked his steps, bittersweet and beautiful. Days of chaos and shadow-flecked flame, of flight and fighting and freedom, of wind as cold as the blood-touched rain and of ocean cliffs. Through it all… it was them. Destined for forever, now.

When Azriel pulled back, the look in those eyes was kinder than ever before, one of true devotion that spanned over bloodlines and generations, of a love so pure it surmounted that of everyone else. A swell of pride filled his chest, knowing that the man who stood before him was his mate. His forever.

He doubted Rhys and Feyre’s bond could ever compare.

And every single time I run into your arms

I feel like I exist for love

Only for love

He tipped his head slightly, pressing a soft kiss to the scars that dappled Azriel’s palm. The lovesick smile that graced the Shadowsinger’s lips was enough to send another flood of memories through him, a sweep of affection and love so great it was hard to believe. The swirl of wind caressed their skin in the gentlest of touches, rain beginning to dampen their skin with diluted blood and water. The warmth inside Cassian threatened to undo him - to revert him to stars or whatever primordial blossom his life has been created from. And god, he could tell Azriel felt the same.

The Shadowsinger's face had never betrayed so much emotion, usually a composed mask, and yet his eyes sparkled now. He'd always longed to find his one and only lover… but…He'd never expected to find him right before his eyes.

And when you say my name

Like white horses on the waves

The one who’d fought through hell and survived, who'd been locked in darkness his whole life with only the night to keep him company.

The one who'd stood for himself when his prayers were answered with ignorance and indifference. When his own brothers had permanently disfigured him. When the only light he could find was the baleful moon that spotlighted the cold, cruel world.

The soldier who'd turned his own life around the way the moon turned to the sun.

I think it feels the same

As an ocean in my veins

The one who'd fought beside him all this time.

Who'd excelled in every training exercise, who wielded a blade like an extension of his body, who'd stood at his side against impossible odds to turn out one of the strongest Illyrians the world had ever known.

Who'd crawled from blood and shadow into the light and learned how to be happy through swords and drinks and wide-open sky.

The one who became his accomplice in snowball fights, cold mountain wind making their fingertips numb as they lost their breath in hysterics. The one who'd laid in the sun with him, wings outstretched, drowning in a half-lucid daze and talked with him more freely than ever.

The one who'd grown to live, even after being born in a world of hatred.

And you'll be diving in

Like nothing is out of place

The one who stood before him now, a soft smile on that pretty face, cobalt Siphons glittering in rain-kissed light. Who had turned out his mate, after 500 years.

The one he'd spent his whole life with, teaching themselves how to be free. To fly. To breathe.

His Azriel.

His mate.

Forever.

And we exist for love

He felt the Shadowsinger's lips brush his again, and the whole world fell away. If this was who he would spend the rest of his eternity with…

He vowed silently to himself then that he would always keep Azriel happy. He wouldn't let anyone hurt him the way his brothers had done all those years ago. He'd stay the way no one else had.

They were a love forged not in happiness, but in defiance. Two souls that had beat the impossible and now stood on the horizon of forever.

Together.

And by the Cauldron, the word “forever” sounded nicer than usual, with Azriel here.

Only for love

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(hello again everyone! I'm so glad you guys liked my latest Sanemi x Reader fanfiction, I appreciate the interaction more than you'll ever know :) this fic was specifically made for my good friend @whisperitsquiet who asked me to write for these two, so I hope all of you enjoy this shorter little one)

(p.s. go check out their blog if you like Six of Crows - I personally never read the books but if you have, I'd suggest heading to October's page!!)

(p.p.s. there may or may not be another Sanemi x Reader in the works y'all)

The bell above the boutique jewelry store door jangled sweetly as Cassian and Azriel pushed it open. Cassian felt entirely too large to be such a small room littered with delicate displays and glass tabletops. He curved his shoulder in, trying to make his frame take up less space. Azriel instantly noticed and rolled his eyes at him.  “Come on, you’re being ridiculous.” “What if I knock something over, Az? I don’t want to break anything!” Cassian hissed in a half-whisper as Azriel pushed him further into the shop, letting the door swing shut behind them.  “Then don’t break anything, Cass!”  “But—” Az turned on him. “No buts. We’re doing this, and we’re doing it together okay?” Cassian couldn't help the smirk that lifted up the side of his lips. “I love it when you get bossy.”  “I know you do,” Az responded, the feral glint Cassian recognized all too well shining in his eye. “So be a good boy, don’t knock anything over, help me pick a ring, and we can get home to play.”  His breathing picked up, chest heaving as Cassian tried to control his response to Azriel using those words on him. “You can’t do that to me in public,” he said, moving his hand in front of his obviously tenting pants.  Az leaned in to press a kiss to his lips. “I can, and I will. You love it.”  “I do,” Cassian responded with a smile, his lips brushing Azriel’s as he spoke. 

Finish the fic here.