Lillis Writes

How People Occupy Space (Body Language) 

˙⋆✮ Leaning in slightly when genuinely interested without realizing it

˙⋆✮ The way someone physically turns their body away mid-conversation

˙⋆✮ Crossing arms not out of coldness but because it feels safer

˙⋆✮ That one person who always finds the wall to stand against at parties

˙⋆✮ Mirroring someone's posture when comfortable with them

˙⋆✮ The slow backward step when a conversation goes on too long

˙⋆✮ Tilting the head when something doesn't add up

˙⋆✮ Sitting on the very edge of a chair when ready to leave

˙⋆✮ The way someone's feet point toward whoever they actually like in a group

˙⋆✮ Leaning back and crossing ankles to signal comfort and ownership of space

˙⋆✮ The unconscious open-palm gesture when telling the truth

˙⋆✮ Standing slightly outside the circle and never fully entering it

˙⋆✮ The way someone physically shrinks in a loud argument

˙⋆✮ Turning the whole body to listen rather than just the head

˙⋆✮ That very specific stillness that means someone is about to cry

˙⋆✮ Raising shoulders toward ears when stressed without knowing it

˙⋆✮ The way laughter changes someone's whole skeleton

˙⋆✮ Touching the face when lying or searching for an answer

The brilliant Toni Morrison explained this in an interview of hers (here's another; watch her doc!!!) that there's this assumption that one's readers are white. So when she would purposefully- and there's a difference!- write stories for the Black gaze, that certain things didn't have to be explained because we Understood, it would get frustrating for white readers. They felt left out, unappealed to, hurt.

And yet, that's standard fare- and everyone's not writing such specific stories like Toni! To be "fair", we did understand y'all. We had to. But those same techniques, both in writing and in media consumption, I believe are atrophied from white viewers ("I don't watch this because I don't relate!" Or projection of ones own identity into Black characters to be "relatable") because it's not Socially Required for you to apply them.

It’s wonderfully optimistic and simultaneously heterocentric to say that queer relationships will follow the same courtship steps as straight ones. I know it’s been a while, but Western society queerness has been programmed to hide for centuries. The Lavender Scare, which saw the documentation of queer people on a list of ‘threats’ shared between the RCMP in Canada and the FBI in the US, meant that, even up until the 80’s and 90’s queer individuals felt real, legal pressure to hide their identities and seek out furtive and quick hook ups to meet their needs.

In only the last 15 years have we seen larger scale repealing of workplace and legal restraints that have allowed queer people to come out in a safer way at work, to marry their partners, to have the freedom to adopt children, and to live what heterosexual communities might describe as a ‘typical’ relationship model.

Hiding or refusing intimate same-sex relationships and leaning on hook ups is exactly what we have seen queer folk in unsafe situations do. And why would Shane or Ilya feel the NHL is a safe space to be open in that way? Arguably, the NHL has the most conservative fan base and the most conservative culture. To date, it is the ONLY major league sport without an openly out player. If you follow NHL players lives off the ice it is profusely heteronormative, from rampant city to city hook ups with female fans, marriage at an early age, and lots of offspring in teeny tiny skates. While there is a push to be more inclusive, the push back against Pride Nights, rainbow tape, and dedicated gear came from NHL players.

All that to say that there ISN’T a ton of romance at the beginning of Heated Rivalry because that’s what Shane and Ilya are trying to avoid. They don’t WANT a relationship, but it is also a relief for both of them to have a reliable hook up to meet their physical needs without the fear of being outed. Because the stakes are the same for both of them, they trundle along for several years only seeing each other for that specific need. It is only THROUGH those rare hook ups that feelings start to become difficult to deny, that they realize they want, need, and DESERVE more than just a physical relationship. But the stakes are high for both their sexuality, and the external perception of their rivalry.

if I make these links clickable they'll get deleted so please copy and paste them:

Livestream: https://www.twitch.tv/enderempress

Long after The Golden Girls had made her a household name, Bea Arthur continued to live a fiercely private life off-screen. What few people knew—even among her closest colleagues—was that she had quietly been one of the main financial backers of a New York shelter for homeless LGBTQ+ youth. In the early 2000s, when she learned from a friend about the rising number of queer teens being kicked out of their homes, Bea was appalled. “Nobody deserves to be thrown away,” she said in one of her rare public statements on the matter.

She didn’t just write checks. Bea would often visit the shelter unannounced, bringing bags of groceries or handmade scarves in winter. She insisted on no photos, no press. Staff recalled that she would sit and listen to the kids for hours, giving them advice, jokes, or just quiet comfort. One counselor remembered a Christmas Eve when Bea stayed well past midnight, helping wrap donated gifts. “She was the grandma they never had,” one former resident said.

“He’s the only man I can really trust. He’s like a spirit that follows me around …he helps me out in my hours of need and listens to all my problems and never laughs at me. He takes me very seriously,”

- Marsha P. Johnson (left) on Jesus Christ