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Worry_lines

The question is not whether or not you could fit through the hole, but whether or not you would try for the novelty of it. If you are very tall or fat or use a mobility device, the hole appears to be roughly the right size to accommodate you; it might take more effort than opening the door, but not so much that you would worry about getting stuck or tripping. It’s just a human-shaped hole that would probably fit you if you tried, just not in a supernatural or unsettling or suspicious way.

however, a library I frequently has two arched entrances to it's kids' room, both through a brief "tunnel" and one is tall enough for most adults and the other is clearly meant for children and I absolutely always hunch and go through the kid one, so if you could convince me that a random person shaped hole in a door was safe, which you cannot, available evidence suggests I would probably try to fit through it.

in the real world people are not inherently suspicious about the mystical powers of whimsical zoo doorways

And they fucking turned around and left without a word of protest. One of them thanked me awkwardly. I’m slightly jittery from the rush of unused adrenaline but I can’t believe that despite all their posturing and aggression, they were defeated by customer service voice.

I have scared grown men with my sugary-sweetest voice and smile--usually by threatening them with very graphic violence but even "I'm sorry, but that's against company policy and I'm afraid I can't do that," can sound like "I will crack open your ribcage like a walnut and feast on your still-beating heart, motherfucker" if you feel it in your soul. It's the Charlize Theron murder-walk tutorial but for customer service.

The ONLY thing I’ve found so far that discourages anti-masker moms is chemical warfare. If they smell traces of Lysol or some inorganic cleaning product they will make a hasty and resentful retreat before their toddler contracts autism from my deodorant.

...god I never thought I’d see the day I actually wanted to weaponize that bullshit. *drags hands down face*

I clean with my heart.

—well met, Ship. Long days and pleasant nights.

bury me face down

Redbubble link, if you’d like to support my sad ass ;v;)