A journal and informative side blog as I navigate the process of getting grs. I'll be live blogging My personal experience as well as reblogging informative posts about GRS itself and the process of Getting surgery. Post vaginoplasty as of 08-21-24. My surgery was done by Ellie Zara Ley.
also posts from @ThotsofLore
I've decided to set this up as a journal to record my personal journey and my process attempting to get GRS. I have and will beconsulting with multiple surgeons and I am on a couple of wait lists at this point, so I figured at the very least I could share my experience as I proceed through the various steps and give other people that are looking into MTF GRS a better idea of what to expect while attempting to get the procedure.
I'm going to make sure to leave Asks open so if anyone has any questions about finding surgeons or dealing with insurance or anything else to do with the process they're more than welcome to ask just don't be a fucking asshole.
Tags:
#Voidgetsavoid - original posts
#consult- Journal entries about consult appointments
#Hair removal- Posts about hair removal appointments and the process of getting hair removal
#travel- posts that have to do with making travel arrangements
#thoughts- General ramble posts that are relevant to the blog
#reblog- posts that I didn't make but that were relevant enough to post
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It’s a scary time to be a trans woman. A lot of people might be scared to go on estrogen because they have unsupportive people in their life.
You can go on estrogen and hide it, you don’t have to come out in order to go on estrogen. It’s easy to diy and most of the effects are subtle, if you’re particularly gifted with boobs that might be a concern but you’d be surprised how much a sports bra can hide.
Just, don’t wait your whole life for the time to be right. You can start medical transition without social transition.
I was on HRT for 3 years before I came out at work. When I finally did I had long hair, ear & nose piercings, painted nails, and wore a 36D bra. ONE person at work had any suspicions at all. People see what they expect to see and that can be helped along with a compression bra and loose t-shirts.
I learned last night through personal experience that you can in fact fist a neopussy, and it made me realize that so much of the propaganda against bottom surgery, even the really small ways that "a neopussy isn't like a *real* vagina" are complete fabrications.
I get wet when I'm horny, I have a vaginal microbiome, it feels like a cis vagina to partners who've been with cis women, and it can take a whole fucking HAND.
I just want to remind folks that the medical technology we have available is amazing, and that there are people and groups out there that have a vested interest in making sure you don't know that.
If you're on the fence don't listen to the propaganda. At the very least talk to a post op transfem before you decide.
Neopussies are the real deal and I just want as many folks as possible to know that.
Honestly proper elasticity just takes time. This post was made a year and 4 months after my surgery. It took some experimentation to get here too. You have to figure out how to massage and stretch the tissue in a way that it can handle more.
🌹 honestly, can you drop the infodump? because we're curious now (positive)
Sorry I let this sit in the inbox but im in the mood to infodump now. CW for surgery, vagina talk, sex talk, dilation, also illness, vomiting and like medical gore. etc. I honestly don't know a lot about medical stuff and just wanna yap about my experiences with my neopussy.
So due to life circumstances I had to go in my surgery alone, though I had a good friend who drove me and dropped off my plushies when i got out. but anyways I was super nervous and threw up pretty soon after I got my IV in. I was super nervous waiting pretty much in a panic attack waiting for it. then it was so sudden they were gonna stick needles in me and i told them to wait and they tried to send me home cus I was too nervous and i told them okay im gonna suck it up. they took me to the surgery room and i remember getting misgendered in there by a nurse, and also I remember a nurse hugging me while they did a spinal tap. I think the last words I had when I had a dick were
Is the needle in?
"well, theres five needles."
I didn't need to know that!
I woke up later after surgery and took a selfie to send everyone once I could breath on my own on my bed. My friend dropped off my plushies too but didn't wake me up. She came by each day to hang out with me after. It hurt like a bitch but the painkillers made it manageable. They also had to do this thing to keep the blood flow in my legs by like squeezing them. Everything was too numb to register I had a pussy or anything. My dad also surprised me by coming to wake me up. I didn't know he was going to do that.
I was in my bed for 3 days. nothing really eventful just trying to sleep a lot and be comfortable and entertained. I was originally planning to read gideon the ninth but I wasn't quite into it yet (still really am not) but I think instead I mostly watched youtube. got sent home after 2.5 days with instructions not to shower and not to walk more than in my house and how to take care of my catheter. I lived an hour drive away and my dad picked me up and drove me home. That car ride was a fucking miserable mistake. that was prolly more uncomfortable and I woke up every 4 hours to take painkillers for those three days. on the last day my friend came over and we played Flesh and Blood and ordered pizza hut. First junk food since the surgery.
This is relevant cus that morning we woke up to go back to the hospital (another hour drive) to get the stuffing out and catheter and they were gonna show me how to dilate. but I was suddenly the most sick I had ever been. I was throwing up everything I tried to drink and shitting out the rest. miserable. My dad thought it was pizza hut food poisoning and it became clearer he might have been right. we get there and I have to be wheelchaired in. there are other girls there for the same thing and they arent struggling to breath. they can even walk. Anyways they get me back to get the stuffing out and I throw up three times and tell them i can hardly move and they decide correctly to re-hopitalize me, which i ashamedly tell my dad who is my ride. I think he thinks its a good idea too but still mad at me about pizza hut.
I need an IV. i need nutrients and hydration but A. waiting for a hospital room to open and B. im dehydated so far that im an IV pincushion. they cant get one in. they try 6 times. im sweating and vomiting and dying for 14 hours. they eventually get someone who puts in an iv using an ultrasound machine after 15 hours from "we need an IV in you." worst ive ever felt.
I improve slowly and the next day they find out I have FUCKING C DIFF. FUCK YOU DAD. I GOT INFECTED WITH CDIFF DURING MY FIRST STAY. and thats why im in hell. but having IV nutrients helps. they tell me they need to get the stuffing and catheter out partially cus its time and partially cus its all covered in shit. they do that and while im still super sick give me my first painful, slow dilation lesson. not fun. I eventually improve enough to do it on my own the next day, and the morning of the third day i shower for the first time since surgery at the hospital and go home. now. THAT car ride back home was the most painful i felt pussy wise. Also, donut pillow is the only reason im alive i owe it all to donut pillow.
Over the next months dilation becomes harder and harder, and i work really hard with my PT trying different and smaller dilators and doing stretches to help, but its just. dilation is really painful and it sucks. fucking sucks. it sucks so bad. i dont have a real successful dilation for like 6 more months. I am thankful i had a work from home job and could dilate while i worked. two times i had to dilate in a car. not fun. but my life is mostly normal I just carry a donut pillow literally everywhere. well, eventually you can do this technique where you sit on your leg in a way that elevates your pussy and no pressure. i dont sit on my pussy for like, close to 4 months.
I start to masturbate, that is like, mostly unsuccessful cus i just dont know what i am doing. i go to sex shops for tips and get some, and while it feels good i wanna cum but dont. I have my first orgasm 11 months after surgery, when i wake up from an wet dream. while I dont get wet inside my vagina from stimulation, I fucking DO when i cum its a fountain. I have another wet dream the next day. A few days after that, 50 weeks after my surgery I am able to make myself cum. It takes 2 hours of strong pressure on my clit so hard I think i got carpel tunnel but I do cum. I do it the next night. the NEXT night im on a trip and need to dilate but realize i fucking forgot lube and all the drug stores are closed by the time i do, and I decide to make myself cum and dilate with my own cum! and it works! I fucking succeed. biggest triumph.
Now, few issues. My labia minora never really stopped being swelled. Its kinda strange but it only bothers me sometimes, and theres been talk about getting a revision so that it doesn't look like that and while im interested not enough to like figure that out anytime soon, especially cus I no longer live in the same country as my surgeon.
The other issue is vaginitis. Which, is an issue of vaginas. I keep getting infected, and I am learning how to treat that and to not get infected. But, it does suck cus that ruins dilation progress, makes it hurt, and smell like vinegar (which, honestly isnt unpleasant.)
Anyways i'm happy, no bottom dysphoria is a game changer. sex with it is more complicated but I love masturbating with it. I think it looks great and makes me happy and im glad I did it overall, even if sometimes i feel like it wasnt worth it, most of the time i do feel like it (also im plural so, that complicates that part)
I will literally answer any question about it that doesnt doxx me feel free to ask
I learned last night through personal experience that you can in fact fist a neopussy, and it made me realize that so much of the propaganda against bottom surgery, even the really small ways that "a neopussy isn't like a *real* vagina" are complete fabrications.
I get wet when I'm horny, I have a vaginal microbiome, it feels like a cis vagina to partners who've been with cis women, and it can take a whole fucking HAND.
I just want to remind folks that the medical technology we have available is amazing, and that there are people and groups out there that have a vested interest in making sure you don't know that.
If you're on the fence don't listen to the propaganda. At the very least talk to a post op transfem before you decide.
Neopussies are the real deal and I just want as many folks as possible to know that.
the big thing im worried about is everything ive read says that the first 3 months of Recovery are awful cause you have to dialate so often and you cant have Sex. like that is the part im the most worried about
EDS is disproportionately common in the transgender community- something like 106 times more common.
The doctors who handle bottom surgery are people you can vet, and try to find the one that's right for your goals, be that peritoneal pullthrough, penile inversion, combo ppt and pi, etc. Correspondingly, asking about their recovery procedures, and if they've done the surgery you want to get done on someone with your hypermobility conditions, and how that person healed up, if they were satisfied, if there were revisions needed, how recovery went, etc.
And don't take them at their word, look them up in trans circles, see if you can find a doctor who is noted as actually caring for trans people, good at the surgery you want, not racist, misogynist, accepts insurance/doesn't try and tack on surprise fees, etc.
Don't be afraid to reach out to friends for help- recovery does take some time, and getting help through it goes a long way.
We've not had bottom surgery yet, but we really should start trying to track down some decent options for it.
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ID: A screenshot from the Reddit post linked, with text reading:
"So I'm going to refute some of the more popular myths about trans women's vaginas by directly describing my own fully healed experience. (I had surgery several years ago using a fairly standard penile inversion technique that used some spare internal mucosa to supplement the vaginal lining. Recovery sucked, but it wasn't that bad.)
Yes, all the normal parts of vaginal anatomy are present. I have a vulva with clitoris and labia, a vagina, I can pee normally, etc etc etc.
No, I don't have visible scars. Some of us do, but they're usually not prominent, especially after a few years. Internally, thing must look quite normal too, since I've passed as cis during a pelvic exam with a speculum.
No, it's not an open wound and it won't heal shut if I don't dilate. It's not a piercing, it's a vagina. I don't dilate at all, and not only do I not lose depth, but I can take a fist if I want
No, I don't have to wash my vagina out. It has its own flora, so douching would generally be a great way to get an infection; luckily, it cleans itself. Yes, it smells and tastes normal.
Yes, I have totally normal sensation in my vagina, clitoris, g spot, etc. Yes, I can orgasm. Yes, I can self-lubricate. Yes, I have totally normal vaginal muscles (the vaginal canal transects the pelvic floor muscles, that's why you can grip and do kegels, though my pelvic floor is stronger than most through a lifetime of kegels).
No, I'm neither immune nor unusually prone to STIs, BV, yeast infections, or UTIs.
Yes, I can cis pass while having sex. No, I don't pre-disclose before casual sex, though I also tend to meet partners in trans-positive environments.
Yes, everything feels like it "should"; nothing feels out of place or misaligned, unlike before surgery, and really the only surprise was how unsurprising everything feels.
No, I don't miss my old equipment at all. I do enjoy wearing a strap on sometimes, but that's pretty common among wlw."
I'm a CNA. My job is 90% changing diapers or helping people pee. We see a lot of genitalia. And while I haven't had a trans woman patient yet, I once had a coworker tell me about the time she did, and she had absolutely no idea until the patient told her. And mind you, we work in nursing homes, so this was an old woman. Her surgery easily could have happened 30 or 40 years ago, before recent surgical techniques and innovations. And still, a woman who looks at vaginas and vulvas for 40 hours a week couldn't tell the difference. Anyone who tells you that trans women's vaginas are anything less than amazing is just lying.
Or how I learned to stop worrying and love the dilator
Part one: The search
I’ve received several messages and questions from people asking for advice on how to get bottom surgery, and what they’ll need to do so. That advice usually begins with explaining how to find surgeons for their procedure. To do so you need to make a decision about how far you’re willing or able to travel, be it within your state or farther across the country. (While this guide is mostly restricted to the United States there are options available more affordably in other countries, particularly Thailand.) Once you are able to decide your travel boundaries you will start to have a better idea of what surgeons are available. Usually I will recommend that prospective patients google search “gender affirming bottom surgeons (selected area) to begin their search. You can also use https://www.transhealthcare.org/, or the transgender surgery reddit wiki at https://old.reddit.com/r/TransSurgeriesWiki/wiki/srs/usa which can be used without a reddit account. After finding a few possible options you should make sure to research them carefully by searching their name along with the search terms, “results”, “Lawsuit”, and, “reviews”. Be careful to double check sources on negative claims and make sure that the articles aren’t being written by known transphobes or anti transgender religious organizations. I also recommend asking around your local friend groups, transgender support spaces, and even your hormone provider for advice or recommendations. Local sources often have more reliable information than the internet. After you’ve decided on one or two options you’ll need to schedule a consult.
Part 2: The interim and preparation
Most clinics will have at least a 3 month wait time for a consult and sometimes up to a year so scheduling as soon as you can is essential to receiving surgery in a timely manner. Make sure to check the websites of your selected surgeons for information on scheduling an appointment. Some will have a form on their website allowing you to schedule directly while others will require you to call. I recommend using both options and calling to confirm that your appointment has in fact been scheduled. Make sure to request to be put on their cancellation list so you can take advantage of earlier appointments if available.
While you wait it’s a good idea to get your surgery recommendation letters in order. Due to (in my opinion unnecessary) concerns about liability and potential patient regret your clinic and insurance provider will require at least one letter written by a medical professional stating that you understand that vaginoplasty is a permanent procedure and confirming that you are in fact transgender. The requirements of the letters and the number of letters required is heavily dependent on insurance, so make sure to check your coverage documents before speaking to your therapist.
I would also recommend beginning hair removal as soon as you are able. Hair removal can take up to a year and a half to complete depending on the methods used and the frequency of appointments, because of this it is essential to set appointments with this in mind. Most insurance companies will reimburse your hair removal for bottom surgery, but you should still be prepared to pay up to 200 dollars per session. There is some debate in the trans community about which form of hair removal to select when preparing for surgery. Some will claim that the only permanent option to avoid hair follicles in the vaginal canal is exclusive use of electrolysis. However most surgeons will state that either electrolysis or laser are effective to prevent hair follicles from forming. Whichever option you choose you’ll have a head start on the surgical process and hopefully already be prepared for surgery by the time of your consult.
a neophallus can get erect with an implant (this will either be a bendable rod or a device that inflates with saline at the press of a button, usually in the testicles)
both can feel sexual pleasure and experience orgasm
most neovaginas will be able to tolerate larger insertions with enough dilating/training
the nerves in neophalluses take a while to regrow but it is incredibly rare to experience no sexual nerve growth
both can look and feel "normal" if that's what you want, just take good care of your scars and look at your surgeons' results portfolio (and don't be afraid to be picky! its your genitals, you get to decide!)
in fact it's possible for many people to stealth and for their sexual partners to never know. even for phallo, some people with natal penises have erectile implants too, ED is common. neocaginas are often indistinguishable from natal vaginas
many surgeons are starting to offer preservation options for patients who want a more mixed look/don't want to lose what they have
you can also have nothing, if you want!! nullification is starting to become available alongside vaginoplasty and phalloplasty
you can have nothing and retain sexual function, even! it's called nerve-preserving nullification. similarly to other bottom surgeries, they use the most sensitive tissue (glans/clit) to create a subdermal pseudoclitoris
yes you can pee like normal. urethral reroute leaves a small hole at the perineum (taint)
all the advice about scars from OP applies here too!! take care of yourself well and it can heal well
(also, for people interested in the "mixed look" OP mentioned: the magic words are "penile-preserving vaginoplasty"/"phalloplasty without vaginectomy"!!)
So a pro tip for helping with rougher morning dilations. A small silicone anal safe vibrator makes for an amazing overnight stent to make morning dilation easier.
Just get something made from a firm but soft silicone with a thinner flared base. You want a vibrator specifically to help with muscle tightness and to help your body associate penetration with a more positive sensation
In my experience, as someone who didn’t leak much at all before, and now has WAP, you can’t judge how wet you’ll be able to get based on your previous amount. It is enough for me to have sex without lube with.
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sorry im always blogging about hrt and forcefem and transitioning its just i cant imagine anything ever giving me more joy than being transgender. wait did i say sorry i didnt mean that oopsies
reading progressive sex ed caricatures with accurate and detailed and realistic diagrams of sexual organs + shows their variation, but all i can think about is how there is no discussion of what srs is besides the fact that it exists
this one has been passed around recently from the mayo clinic and that actually makes me so happy because how many of transfeminine people are aware of what their options even look like?
there’s a diagram for phallo and meta from springer link(i believe) and. honestly i’d never seen these before and i dont think i’ve ever seen any diagrams. i know vaguely because of reading papers or listening to people talk about their experience but i’ve never seen it, yk? it makes me more confident in my choice to get meta when i’m older
There’s a website called Transbucket that has a whole archive of before and after photos, surgery costs, surgeon names and locations, and general feedback on complications, sensation, everything. It’s been around for at least a decade, and there are photos of some folks five or eight years down the line. It’s organized by procedure, and it’s very comprehensive. It’s NSFW of course but it’s an amazing resource!!!
Are you considering or have had transition care? | Transbucket.com
How it felt before, talking with a surgeon, recovery, how it feels after, and any other thoughts it would like to share
~GLaDOS
this thing had bottom surgery in 2013 on the NHS, back while it was still being called SRS (sexual reassignment surgery), and it was the only surgical option available to it at the time. it's gonna put the story/details under a cut though, because this is gonna be long...
(thanks for the question!)
what's kinda interesting is that while this thing knows it has a neo-cunt, so must, theoretically, have not had a cunt beforehand, it actually doesn't remember much about what it was like to not have a cunt outside of a few brief memories and strings of thought. it knows that it was deeply dysphoric about not having a cunt so as soon as it realised these options were open to it, it rushed at them with all the fury of a woman who knew what she wanted and wasn't about to let anyone stop her from getting it.
talking with surgeons was a little awkward, since they have to handle your junk, and there was a whole thing with how there were two surgeons doing NHS surgeries at the time and one of them had pissed off its ex so it got on the books of the other for its own surgery. he was a nice enough guy, though it hadn't actually met him more than once before the surgery. appointments were limited for that kind of thing.
for the surgery itself, it went down to london on its own, spent the night in a hotel, and the next day went in for the surgery. it remembers getting so nervous in the waiting room on its own, thinking about how it could have just walked out and left and no one would be able to stop it, it was 100% free to make that choice. it stayed. there were risks involved, but at the time it had come to a place of feeling like even if the surgery fucked up and it was left with nothing at all down there, it would be worth it to be rid of what had been there.
it remembers the next week kinda hazily. it remembers the first poop it took after its surgery was like four days after and the size of a large rat. its nestie and its mum and some friends visited it over the week it was kept in hospital, and it spent its time on a ward with a bunch of other trans girls. most older, one younger, though it kept itself isolated from them all. it's a little sad about that, but it really just wanted to be left alone so it could recover; it wasn't a holiday, it was recovering from surgery. when it left the hospital it ate a ham salad, got a train ride home - first class - and was seen to its own bed where it wishes it could say it recovered peacefully over the next few weeks...
remember the salad it mentioned a couple of lines up? it got food poisoning. it spent most of a week basically unconscious except to dilate. it could barely eat and was put on a diet of liquid electrolytes by a gp who had to do a home visit. also, while it was recovering, one third of the poly triad it was in decided she wanted to kill this thing because she couldn't handle that its nestie loved it and she had to share their attention (that lass should never have been pushed into poly with us). aaaaanyway... the short version is that it doesn't remember much of early recovery except that dilation was a massive chore around being sick and dealing with that crap.
it did, of course, survive all that and it now has a cunt that it's quite proud of. it looks good, feels great, and is a great place for girls to stick their dicks if that's something they'd like to do. lewd comments aside, it's usually pretty happy to let trans girls take a look and explore it in a non-sexual way too. it's a lot harder to absorb fearmongering around the surgery when you can see for yourself what's likely to happen - this thing's surgery was smooth and successful.
this thing's cunt needs a little extra lubrication for sex, but it is basically everything you'd expect from a cunt. it's great, tbh. it hopes that anyone who wants a cunt like this can find a way to get one. it knows that the NHS is an absolute disaster for trans healthcare now, so it knows how lucky it is to have been able to strike at the perfect time to get through the system and get its surgery when it could. if it'd been off by even as little as a few months, this would be a very different story.
thank you for the ask! it hopes this has been at least a little informative. it's willing to answer questions about the technical side of things pretty clearly. it's all ancient history, to be honest.
ID: A screenshot from the Reddit post linked, with text reading:
"So I'm going to refute some of the more popular myths about trans women's vaginas by directly describing my own fully healed experience. (I had surgery several years ago using a fairly standard penile inversion technique that used some spare internal mucosa to supplement the vaginal lining. Recovery sucked, but it wasn't that bad.)
Yes, all the normal parts of vaginal anatomy are present. I have a vulva with clitoris and labia, a vagina, I can pee normally, etc etc etc.
No, I don't have visible scars. Some of us do, but they're usually not prominent, especially after a few years. Internally, thing must look quite normal too, since I've passed as cis during a pelvic exam with a speculum.
No, it's not an open wound and it won't heal shut if I don't dilate. It's not a piercing, it's a vagina. I don't dilate at all, and not only do I not lose depth, but I can take a fist if I want
No, I don't have to wash my vagina out. It has its own flora, so douching would generally be a great way to get an infection; luckily, it cleans itself. Yes, it smells and tastes normal.
Yes, I have totally normal sensation in my vagina, clitoris, g spot, etc. Yes, I can orgasm. Yes, I can self-lubricate. Yes, I have totally normal vaginal muscles (the vaginal canal transects the pelvic floor muscles, that's why you can grip and do kegels, though my pelvic floor is stronger than most through a lifetime of kegels).
No, I'm neither immune nor unusually prone to STIs, BV, yeast infections, or UTIs.
Yes, I can cis pass while having sex. No, I don't pre-disclose before casual sex, though I also tend to meet partners in trans-positive environments.
Yes, everything feels like it "should"; nothing feels out of place or misaligned, unlike before surgery, and really the only surprise was how unsurprising everything feels.
No, I don't miss my old equipment at all. I do enjoy wearing a strap on sometimes, but that's pretty common among wlw."
I’m legitimately wondering if there’s any reason a neovagina has to look especially realistic since it’s not like I’m gonna be seeing it all the time and genitals aren’t super aesthetic anyway so maybe I can get a discount if the doctor doesn’t have to like perfectly craft every fold of the vulva, like it’s not gonna be particularly deep or wide for me anyway, just gimme something that’s works and is easy to clean and knock a few bucks of the price, I’m not asking for Michaelangelo’s labia or anything y'know, I appreciate maybe the doctor won’t give me teeth or tentacles down there but at the same time I’m not going to get into a relationship with someone if they feel like they gotta conduct a 120 point snatchspection just to confirm my cunt meets the fuckability codes, I’m sure as shit not pushing babies out it and there’s no reason to overcomplicate taking a wee, so why not go for something a little more aerodynamic and low rez right?
You come in here, on the day of my cousin’s daughter’s aunt’s roommate’s best friend’s wedding, on this day you come to me and be funnier on my own post.
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