肉屋のように

I really want to learn the limits of what I can handle, what I can take. What kind of pain or discomfort or torture will unmake me, undo my stubbornness and dignity. Where is the line at which I cease to have any pride and begin to sincerely and desperately beg? Where is the point where I will sacrifice all self-respect just to make it stop?

"you don't have to write porn with them using check-ins all the time it's just fiction!" <- TRUE. unfortunately I fantasize about those. check-ins are among the sexiest things in the world to me. when you stay in role for it ordering me to focus because you didn't even get started yet. or when you don't, and I'm out of my fucking mind with pain, nerves, exhaustion, hardly here anymore, losing my grip in any way imaginable, and that's when you grab my face or give me a little smack on the cheek or something going "hey there. still with me?" dear god. hi. I want to kiss you stupid

need to learn everything that can be known about everything that ever happened

The prettiest thing a man can do is struggle against his restraints

(flirtatiously) yeah, you can get me as high as you want.

its interesting being a kid with anger issues and a sadistic streak and learning to regulate those urges and coming to understand that the part of your psyche that screams for the suffering of those who pissed you off is wrong and irrational and that causing suffering for its own sake is not okay, and then growing up and learning that actually all those normal people didnt actually learn that lesson