1-800-273-8255

Precisely this, but for one. Don’t go to /r/legaladvice It’s a cesspit, and usually wrong anymore.

This has always bothered me too and it didn't make sense until someone older told me that when they were growing up "scare quotes" were used the way we used *asterisks* or ALL CAPS for emphasis

when i was a kid i decided that killing people was bad therefore war was bad therefore the military was evil. and adults would tell me it's more nuanced than that and i would understand when i grew up. well i'm a grown up now and idk i still think that killing people is bad and war is bad and the military is evil

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

my ducks? in a row. the elephant? addressed. my goose? cooked. my eggs? in several baskets. the bigger fish? fried.

Your monkeys ?

those aren’t mine.

the most sexual emotion a man can feel is fear

Now why would Tumblr user twinktorturer say something like this

accidentally said "invasive thoughts" instead of "intrusive thoughts" today and actually I think I'm onto something. this thought does not belong here and it is harming the local ecosystem

we used to say kill all men

ive heard if its all gone wrong and is fucked beyond repair you can actually use it for banana bread

*clueless guy in 2006 voice* that iPhone? What a piece of junk. People are never gonna use a phone without a keyboard. I wish there was a way I could be a girl