lost soul

unofficialhistcrian, (est. 2019, revived 2020.) independent / semi-priv. / semi-sel. mary wardwell (of chilling adventures of sabrina). based on the television series and comics of the same name. multi — fandom / verse / muse — friendly! penned by tamsin / 21 / est.

carrd. (rules, bio, etc.)

promo.

          ooc; alright, i’m back! Some important updates found below!

— I’m dropping all my threads, but only due to the length of time my hiatus, of sorts, had lasted. I’m still happy to write with folks, it’ll just take some time to get back into the swing of it! Message me if you’d like to continue a plot or revisit a thread!

— I’m going to try to revive my multi-muse, @constcllations​, so more interactions coming from there! We’ll see if I don’t make that a main blog in the future!

— I’ll be a bit slow to start, but hopefully I’ll be back in full force sometime soon!

          much appreciation to all for your patience!

so. here’s the big update, and why I’ve been gone for so long... I’m having a major, life-changing surgery in about a month and haven’t had the heart to be on here much. i’ll be back. i write about mary often, with headcanons for my version of her and everything -- even if it’s just handwriting in the backs of books. I miss her. I miss writing her. And I miss my RP partners. But it’s going to be a bit longer until I can reliably return here.

thanks to the friends who have been checking in on me. I miss you all so dearly! I miss writing and plotting and stories!

Since she had left the Garden, Lilith had vowed to feel bad for no one since no one ever attempted to feel such sympathies for her. But despite this self-appointed rule, there had been, against her better judgement, occasional exceptions. Mortals and demons and witches, and on the very, very rare occasion, even a less-hypocritical celestial, that had slipped under her rule and appealed to a….sympathetic nature she wasn’t entirely sure she had. But Mary was quickly proving herself to be the worst—or the best, for that matter. The more the woman insisted Lilith was kind and wonderful, the more she thanked her, the more sick the Mother of Demons began to feel. The kind of sickness that felt heavy in the stomach and trapped in the throat at the same time. To say she didn’t like it would be an understatement. 

“I’m just….fixing what shouldn’t have been done” She concluded with a forced brightness, swallowing back her emotions as much as she was able and offering Mary a smile that felt….wavering. The one she received in return was so genuine and….oddly innocent despite everything the mortal had been through, and only made Lilith feel more determined. If she had known all the trouble, all the…uninvited bonds that would develop in Greendale she would never have agreed to come here, no matter how the Dark Lord had insisted. She’d grown attached to too many people, and Mary was hardly the first mortal. 

Perhaps when she was done fixing Mary, Lilith would fix herself. Only….only despite everything she found herself reluctant to sacrifice this…..apparent friendship. This was entirely Greendale’s fault, all of it; it was a cursed place in more ways than one. 

Mary’s mind, however, was more complicated. Out of both respect and a lack of desire to see, Lilith kept away from the parts of the mind that were private and real and personal….she focused only on anything Infernal. And there was a lot. When she’d resurrected Mary, she hadn’t thought about the complications, that longer than a day in Hell would leave an imprint; an irremovable one. Mary Wardwell had been marked by Hell permanently, she’d been a resident, a tortured soul and nothing could entirely undo that. But Lilith could, at least, block it, allow the mortal realm to be a safe place…for her dreams not to be taken over by it. 

It was like warding doors against entry….except she had to create the doors first before she could ward them. Doorways and doors, each slamming in the face of each new horror of Hell. There were things that Lilith were drawn to, things she saw as home, but knowing Mary wouldn’t…she blocked them off too. But that didn’t stop the imprint. Mary would be changed, permanently, by what she’d been through, she would never be the same person that had swerved to avoid hitting Lilith on the road. But now, after this, she wouldn’t be the woman tormented by images and nightmares. 

Coming out of Mary’s mind was more…disorientating than Lilith expected, perhaps because much of her life had been taken by Lilith for a time, or perhaps because she’d taken her appearance for her own. Either way, she felt dizzy. “It’s done” She concluded, surprising even herself by the fact she sounded tired. “No more nightmares”

         Like Lilith had warned, Mary’s mind was becoming looser. Drifting. She does her best to stay awake. Succeeds in that regard. And perhaps it was her worry for Lilith that kept her alert. Should she ruin the ritual by relaxing, she wouldn’t know what to do. Lilith was doing her a favor, and here she was, almost helpless to help.

         But, of course, Lilith was more powerful than her. Not that Mary had power of her own, that is. But Lilith was more resilient. More wise. She was a witch. A legend, in the way of greatness, rather than Myth. Perhaps Myth as well. And though she is tired, she is also kept up by fascination with the prospect of what Lilith was doing.

         When they first met, Lilith had warded her house. Protected her. But there was something about her that Mary had discovered as the two grew closer. There was part of Mary that desperately wanted to protect Lilith. As small as she was, she wanted that. She wanted Lilith to be safe. Wanted to protect her against both Mary’s mind, and the world that had been so cruel to her. Lilith had said some, though vaguely for Mary’s protection. But Mary had research. She had knowledge. And a drive to learn more about this woman who had offered her this kindness and consideration. Mary----

         Lilith’s back. Lilith never left, but Lilith’s back. That was another thing. Lilith never left her. It was strange to think of her as some guardian, but that’s what had occurred, wasn’t it? The word comes back. Protector. She says that there will be no more nightmares.

          “Thank you,” Mary says, though she has no way of knowing if that’s true. Not a doubt of Lilith, but of herself. If her own self would have ruined this ritual anyways. It’s a quiet that overtakes them, as Mary does not know what gratitude to show. Reverence? Or friendship? They were friends, she thinks. They were similar even. Besides Lilith’s poise and strength, Mary thinks the two of them are much alike.

         It is the quiet that feels eerie. And Mary, to compensate, smiles. “Can I offer you something to eat? Perhaps just as a thanks?” And to help her rest. She did look tired. “I have tea. Cookies… baked cookies. Or… something else, if you prefer?”

             The way she spoke, the words she used, caused a stirring within Zelda. Something was building, and she wasn’t sure she knew how to approach it in a professional capacity or if she even wanted to. But what did it matter? She was just a stand-in now. What could it hurt to lean into the feelings this woman was inspiring? “No,” she quickly responded, reaching out  and placing her hand on Mary’s bicep. “I was only joking. Or rather.. I wasn’t concentrating on the fact you’re doing it for me. No, that part I think I like, and I certainly won’t try to discourage it. I suppose I can be rather selfish and enjoy your favors,” she said with a wicked little smile and a glint in her eyes. “I think.. we can save the chocolate for later. Your place does sound quite cozy, a good place to wind down from the day. So why can’t we do both?”

            There’s a strange twinge in Mary’s chest as Zelda Spellman holds to her arm. She’d looked away for a moment, but -- perhaps too quickly -- she finds herself looking back at the woman with a sort of... surprised glint in her eyes. Her face is relatively neutral, but her eyes? Was there something more to that look? Besides the physical contact, of course. “Well, you don’t have to be joking. I’d treat you with the kindness and respect you deserve, Zelda.” Mary’s being earnest now. Far more than she means to, but it is not a regret of hers. Her voice is truthful. Does not contain any sarcasm or pity or anything that could not be described as what she had offered -- respect. “Go ahead and be selfish if you wish. That part... I think I like,” she echoes. Perhaps she’s being too personal. She’d claimed professionalism before this. But now that they’re speaking more, she finds she can no longer pretend that this was all for work. It wasn’t to ease Zelda in her transition to a stand-in. 

ooc; my chronic illness? flaring up yet again? very much so. probably a short semi-hiatus until after i can get this sorted. 

@darkerdeariegold || continued from here.

             “Oh, I don’t mean to trouble you with it,” Mary says, watching him rise. She hadn’t meant to come first thing and complain. No, she’d meant to come make conversation about something -- anything -- but found herself only speaking about the first thing that came to her mind. Still, she couldn’t help but smile at the way he did -- and would -- call her “my heart.” She thought it was very sweet. And very romantic. “Believe me, I don’t use it that much anyhow. I should take it as a sign to switch exclusively to tea. I’d only thought of the coffee this morning because it’s so cold outside. Something warm to start off this Saturday.”

             Zelda’s smile turned curious. Of course she had taken notice of her successor’s tendency towards know-it-all behavior. But had that woman taken to crossing every member of the cast and crew? She could wring that woman’s neck for giving Mary a hard time. Who did she think she was? Zelda gave a quick count to ten in her head to calm herself. In a moment she gave Mary a fond but amused look. “Just how many people have you gone about and bribed to get what you want? Here I was thinking I was special,” she teased.

mary wardwell --- the protective one

it does not require much for you to take someone under your wing. you have a knack for seeing the best in others and rooting for them, and they look up to you in turn. they feel that you are safe to go to in times of chaos or strife, and are calmed by your presence. you take extra measures to make sure everyone feels supported. things that others might not even consider, you have already likely accounted for. in most scenarios, you are "the leader." your struggles tend to come from your desire to provide things to others. you want to give, to see those you love happy, to make wherever you are a place of comfort. your failures hit you hard because you see this as your responsibility, and you hate to let people down. ...okay, yes, there's no avoiding it: this is the parent friend.

tagged by --- @auntiezelda​