UnlearnAndThrive

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I started this with a whole discussion with a friend about food and how you can use it to explain attraction / sexuality in simple terms and then ofc I had to share it here. Originally it started with just talking about broccoli as a whole and then I just kept adding onto it.

Originally Strawberry and Broccoli (now Cucumber) did not have anything outside of Broccoli = same sex attraction, Strawberry = opposite sex attraction, but as things do they gained gender presentation overtime. I blame this on the tweet that started this discussion, which ultimately got Cucumber assigned to man.

The grocery store represents society / humanity as a whole. Everyone exists within the store, but not everyone belongs to the same category, aisle, or presentation.

Food = people / gender / identities

Different sections of the store represent social categorization systems.

Strawberries = Women / Feminity

Strawberries represent women or attraction to women / femininity. But strawberries are not one singular experience:

Plain strawberries

Strawberries with sugar

Strawberry cake

Strawberry shampoo

Strawberry perfume

Strawberry tea

Strawberry ice cream

This represents:

Feminine presentation

Aesthetics

Expression

Personality

Relational dynamics

Social role

Emotional flavor

Someone can love strawberries generally while still preferring certain "presentations" of strawberries.

Cucumbers = Men / Masculinity

Originally in my sleep deprived fueled rant to a friend I used broccoli but I replaced that with cucumber due to them having more versatility and contextual expressions.

Cucumbers can be:

Plain

In salads

Cucumber water

Pickles

Cucumber sandwiches

Facials / Skincare

Shampoo

Sushi

This represents:

Masculine presentation

Aesthetics

Expression

Personality

Relational dynamics

Social role

Emotional flavor

Important note: Tajin works on cucumber. Not on broccoli. This is a foundational law of the metaphor universe brought on by my real world prefrences that adjusted this metaphor.

Cookies = Nonbinary People

Cookies are not strawberries or cucumbers.

But they are still food. Still in the grocery store. Still fully part of society / humanity.

Cookies represent identities outside the strict cucumber / strawberry binary.

Some cookies:

Contain strawberries

Contain cucumbers

Contain neither

Change recipes entirely

This represents nonbinary people having varying relationships to:

Femininity

Masculinity

Womanhood

Manhood

Androgyny

Neutrality

Cookies are not "failed strawberries" or "failed cucumber." They are their own category.

Tomatoes = Genderfluid People

Tomatoes are contextual and fluid.

They:

Shift categories depending on framework

Appear in many sections of the store

Transform forms

Remain "tomato" despite changing presentation

Examples:

Produce aisle tomato

Pasta sauce

Ketchup

Salsa

Soup

Sun-dried tomatoes

This represents:

Shifting gender expression

Contextual presentation

Fluid relationships to categorization itself

Tomatoes aren't confused. The categorization system is just context-dependent.

Sexual Orientation

Orientation is represented by which foods someone is naturally drawn toward.

Attraction vs Experience

You do NOT need to consume a food to known whether you're drawn toward it.

A lesbian does not need to date men to know she's not attracted to men. A straight woman does not need to date women to know she's not attracted to women.

Experience:

Confirms

Complicates

Refines

Contextualizes

But does not create orientation from nothing.

Preferences Within Attraction

Someone may like strawberries generally, but specifically prefer:

Strawberry cake

Strawberry shampoo

Ripe Strawberries

Strawberries with sugar

One strawberry at a time

This represents:

Presentation preferences

Aesthetics

Relationship dynamics

Monogamy / Polyamory

Emotional compatibility

Personality types

Likewise with cucumbers in different forms.

Monogamy / Polyamory

One at a time = Monogamy Multiple at a time = Polyamory This can be multiple different kinds at the same time, only introducing multiple in certain dynamics / settings, or any number of the different dynamics under the umbrella term of "non monogamy".

The food itself is not the relationship structure. The serving style is.

Asexuality and Aromanticism

Someone may not strawberries, cucumbers, tomatoes, or cookies.

They may:

Not consume food at all

Only consume food after an emotional connection

Consume food for bonding

Consume food only for reproduction

Enjoy food aesthetically without desire to eat it

^ Asexuality

Not have food on their plate at all

Only have food on their plate after an emotional connection

Have food on their plate for bonding

Enjoy food without desire to have it on their plate

^ Aromanticism

These can overlap in different ways depending on someones sexual and romantic identity.

This separates:

Attraction

Action

Intimacy

Desire

Motivation

Into distinct experiences.

Compulsory Heteorsexuality (Comphet)

Someone naturally drawn to strawberries may spend years trying cucumbers because:

Cucumbers are expected

Socially rewarded

Considered "normal"

Easier to explain

So they keep trying:

Different cucumber preparations

Different relationship styles

Different people

while insisting "Everyone struggles with cucumbers."

Then:

They meet strawberry lovers

Bisexual people confirm both foods can genuinely feel exciting

They realize attraction is supposed to feel natural rather an performative

And eventually "Oh. Maybe cucumbers just aren't my thing."

The Fundamental Rule

People are not obligated to force themselves to consume foods that consistently leave them:

Distressed

Disconnected

Emotionally unfulfilled

Performing attraction rather than feeling it

And if someone spends their entire life staring longingly at another aisle while writing essays about why their current food should theoretically satisfy them...

...It might be time to put the cucumber down.

Now like I said at the start of this post - this started from a tweet I saw and spiraled from there in the middle of the night while running on 0 sleep.

Am I covering everyone and everything? No. Grocery stores are complicated, after all.

Do I think its really funny how I tried to keep the food from being gendered in the start and then they ended up being gendered anyways? Yes

Did that expand into cookies and tomatoes? Yes

Do I find it really funny I assigned cucumbers to men? Yes, the irony isn't lost on me there LMAO

Hobbies are not supposed to be perfect on day one.

I don't know when we collectively decided that if you're not immediately good at something it's not worth doing, but that mindset is the fastest way to suck all the joy out of anything.

You are supposed to be bad at the beginning. That's literally the whole point of being at the beginning.

You didn't learn to walk in a day. You don't pick up a new skill and instantly do it flawlessly.

You wobble. You mess up. You get frustrated. You try again. And somewhere, within that process, you start getting better at it without even realizing it.

People act like: "If I'm not good immediately, I need better tools" "If I struggle, it means I shouldn't be doing this." "If it's not perfect, it's not worth it."

No.

Learning is the point.

You're not supposed to pick up a hobby and already know how to do it. You're supposed to figure it out. You're supposed to make the bad versions first. You're supposed to have a phase where everything is a little off, a little messy, a little "eh, this could be better."

Because that is how you build the skill.

And money does not replace that process!! You can spend hundreds of dollars on the best equipment, the best materials, the "professional" version of whatever it is that you're doing, and if you don't know how to use it, you're still going to get beginner results. Not because you failed, not because the equipment is bad, but because you are a beginner and that is okay and that is beautiful and that is worth something.

Hobbies aren't fun because you're good at them. Hobbies aren't fun because you have the best set up. Hobbies are fun because you're learning, because you get to see yourself improve, because one day something clicks and you realize you're doing better than you were before.

If you skip the learning, you skip the whole experience.

So please - be bad at things. Make the weird, imperfect, not quite right versions. Take the time to figure it out. That's not something to be embarrassed about, that is literally the hobby.

My women’s gender and sexuality teacher made this announcement today, and it caused two things to come up inside of me.

First? That fear Im sure a lot of fellow autistic people get that their personal writing is being mistaken for AI generated content, especially when you’re using things like oxford commas and em dashes within papers.

But secondly, and most importantly:

The idea that people are using AI for their school work already sucks, but especially for a humanities class like this where the whole deal is that you are using your personal knowledge and experiences to break down your biases and reflect on the way that the world either reinforces or helps to break down those biases.

I understand that not every class is going to be interesting. I understand that not every class is going to be something you’re good at, or something that you’re passionate about. I understand that sometimes it’s just a class you’re taking because… you need the credit.

I also understand that maybe because it’s something I am passionate about and interested in and it’s the single class I’ve taken that’s revitalized my interest in college and stopped me from dropping out when I was burned out.

But

Maybe we can all just… try?

“Oh but I feed AI my ideas and they make it better!”

and i just, immediately took it before asking “what is it?” because… well, i am not someone grossed out by (most) bugs or anything like that

and then i looked down and

✨FORG✨

“worst” isn’t a peaceful end.

“worst” is a dog living in a constant state of stress. pacing, spinning, barking until their voice is gone. shutting down completely or escalating because nothing they do is being understood.

“worst” is untreated pain. medical issues that don’t get addressed in time, or at all. bodies breaking down while people argue over whether it’s “right” to intervene.

“worst” is being returned over and over again. different home, same confusion. new people, new rules, same outcome.

“worst” is fear becoming your baseline. flinching at hands. not knowing what’s expected of you. having to escalate just to get space.

people like to believe euthanasia is something cold and careless. that it’s done by people who don’t care enough to try.

that’s not the reality i live in.

the reality is holding an animal still and gently. making sure they’re not alone. talking to them, even if they don’t understand the words. making sure the last thing they feel isn’t fear.

the reality is making a decision when there aren’t good options. when space is limited, resources are limited, and time is limited.

you cannot save every animal. you can only decide how much suffering you’re willing to let happen in the name of “trying.”

there are fates worse than euthanasia. and pretending otherwise doesn’t protect animals—it just makes those fates more common.

the goal isn’t to save every animal. the goal is to reduce suffering.

this is an old ask lol

I'll answer the last half of it before answering the first:

Feminism isn't just for women. There are subsects of feminism that are more centered on women - radical and separationist feminism comes to mind when I think about that - but feminism as a whole is about dismantling patriarchy and gender-based oppression.

That system doesn't only affect women. It was built to privilege men as a class, yes, but it also enforces rigids roles on them, such as what they're allowed to feel, how they're supposed to act, what makes them "real" men etc. Feminism challenges those expectations too.

Saying feminism "isn't for men" misunderstands what it's actually trying to do. It's not about creating a space that excludes men, it's about addressing a system that harms people in different ways depending on how they're positioned within it.

Women and girls are absolutely the primary targets of patriarchal harm, especially trough violence and systemic inequality. That focus matters. However, that doesn't mean men are outside of the conversation entirely, or that they can't benefit from dismantling the same system.

Now to answer how patriarchy impacts men:

It punishes emotional expression. Men are taught (implicitly or otherwise) that vulnerability = weakness, which contributes to isolation and higher rates of untreated mental health issues

It normalizes anger as the only acceptable emotion, which can escalate conflict and harm their relationships.

It pressures men into rigid roles (provider, dominant, stoic, etc) even when those roles don't fit them or actively hurt them.

It discourages seeking help, whether that's therpay, medical care, or even basic support from friends.

It reinforces harmful ideas about masculinity that can push men toward risky behavior or violence to "prove" themselves.

It limits how men can experience closeness. Affection between men is often stigmatized, leading to loneliness.

It contributes to higher suicide rates among men

The stigma around male victims of abuse or assault - especially when the perpetrator is a woman.

It devalues caregiving roles, making it harder for men who want to be nurturing, involved parents or partners.

this is wrong

esp underarm hair

I don’t shave. I find it ultimately useless, and figure if we weren’t meant to have it, not every single person would have it.

However that being said -

Sometimes! It is not enough for you to just hit your underarms with some body wash, and just call it a day.

Especially if you’re a depressed goblin like myself and the only energy you had was to put some deodorant on and move on with your day for two weeks straight.

When youre finally in that shower - take some shampoo and wash the hair on your pits like you would the hair on your head. You gotta get the buildup off before you add more on, so the deodorant can do its job better and so that the hair can do its job better, because yes it does have a job as well.

You don’t even have to get more shampoo out, just use what’s still on your hands after shampooing your head, and give your armpits a quick scrub with it. Like actually get in there, between the hairs, sometimes i’ll even just grab little sections and rub it. You can even use a washcloth if thats better, just rub your soapy hands on the washcloth first then your underarms.

This helps to break up any buildup of the deodorant a lot better than your body wash will, but also it helps to break down the oils that stick to the hair better than your body wash will.

He made me a bowl of ramen, at my request because I was hungry and ramen is like, my main safe food. He makes it whenever i’m at his house because i don’t like cooking in kitchens in houses i don’t live in - even for something as simple as a 90¢ ramen pack lol

He comes back into the room, and I immediately notice the egg in the ramen. That one was fine, I love a good soft boiled egg.

Then he handed me the bowl and the smell hit me. He had added fritos to the ramen (something he apparently will do for himself? i’ve never heard of this before lol) and it just absolutely wasn’t working for me.

I started crying - hard. We had to have a whole conversation where i was apologizing for crying, thanking him for the food, but telling him “you need to ask me before you add something like this.”

He offered to make me a new bowl, apologized, told me it was okay, told me i didn’t have to eat it.

But I did.

I did eat it. And it took fucking FOREVER because I couldn’t be actively breathing or have the bowl in my hand while I was, but I did eat it. I was also crying the entire time.

All except for three bites because that’s when the nausea hit and I just couldn’t do it anymore once that happened.

And yeah, it sucked. I don’t like that I was brought to tears and nausea because of some fritos in a bowl of ramen - but i still ate it. I tried. I had the option not to, but I still did, and once i physically couldn’t anymore I stopped.

I’m not going to sit here and pretend that it was a cute, wholesome moment during any part of it. It wasn’t. I was crying. I was nauseous. I finished eating and curled up on the bed and cried into a pillow.

But…

He never judged me. He apologized. He said he wouldn’t do that again.

And I also ate something I never normally would’ve.

He told me, “You don’t have to keep eating, it’s okay. I’ll make you a new bowl.”

I told him, “How will I ever get better if I don’t try?”

ARFID isn’t fun, but it’s something I’m trying to not let absolutely control my eating.