"Insert Something Funny Here"

if someone brings this to the sesh theyre banned from smoking with me 

What is dis

she smoking potpourri.

how do you manage to gentrify weed

sometimes all u can say is “yikes” and just move tf on lol

me at 4am: who am i

Bruh I’m too old to be this shy and awkward lmao

thinking about my optometrist who was treating my eye infection and said “if it hurts, you can rinse your eye with boiled water. look at me - look at me. i want you to understand that i mean water that has been boiled and has since cooled down. not boiling water. do you understand?” like i’m so grateful for this man ensuring that I wouldn’t destroy my eyes by pouring boiling water in it, because it is an adequate assessment of my intelligence

I wanna feel the bulge in your pants as we cuddle