Call Me Roe!

it will always choose you. you cannot die. you'll always come back because it loves you so much. you are its right and left hand, its eternal weapon. it will drown you in its light. light as horror. darkness as horror. what if it thinks you are its best friend.

It feels like a uniquely American capitalist take to assume these traditions will make you completely self sufficient. You need a lot of people, a lot of time, a lot of knowledge across a lot of subjects, and a lot of luck to provide for everyone's nutritional needs.

So should you even bother trying to be more self sufficient with your food? I argue yes. Foraging and gardening are fun and will teach you so much about many things. They are deeply rewarding activities that can supplement your diet. There are herbs I haven't bought in years because I grow my own. There are dishes I can only make with foraged ingredients because I can't get them in stores.

#2: "hi [professor], hope you're doing well! unfortunately, I'm [sick/stuck at work/dead] and won't be able to submit [assignment] by [due date]. could I please have an extension? if not, is there anything else I could do to make up this credit? thanks so much, [op]"

The FIRST SENTENCE is the thing you want the recipient to do. Do not make them guess.

I want to let you know about ... (This email is to inform someone of something not to ask them to do anything)

Could you please do ... (This is a request. You want them to do something).

I'm looking into x and wondering if you can help me (this is also a request but for information instead of an action).

People do not want to read an email and even if they do read it, most people are skimming and not interested. Tell them what you want first, then provide context or other information (when you need a thing is often key). If the email is informational, you can even add "you don't need to do anything, this is just to keep you informed!" People will appreciate not having to figure out what you want from them.

If you can't articulate what you want the recipient to do with the message, you are not ready to email them. I read too many emails where I have no idea what the person wants from me.

Tags passing peer review, gonna share.

When we got our younger cat Skadi, her favorite toy was (still is, but she's calmed down with age) the rattley mouse. She would bring the mouse to be thrown for fetch so many times that not even two human adults in the house could keep up with her. So my partner started making puzzle boxes to put the rattley mouse in that would occupy her for longer.

So, we have a setup: mouse is in the puzzle box, puzzle box is on the floor, younger cat is trying to resolve the puzzle box, elder cat is sitting on the cat tree observing all this. Skadi spends about fifteen minutes trying and failing to get the mouse out of the box. She sticks her paw into the holes. She sticks her nose into the holes. She pushes the box to and fro on the carpet. She meows beseechingly for a human to come solve the problem. Sticks her paws into the holes again.

Finally, she gives up on the puzzle box and wanders over to see if there's any food to be had. As soon as she walks away the elder cat gets up from the cat tree, big stretch, jumps down, walks over to the puzzle box, hooks a paw under the edge and flips the whole thing over, spilling the mouse onto the floor.

One of the only asexual activists is Yasmin Benoit, a Black woman. She has raised so much awareness for the community. She was the first asexual person to lead Pride in London, she started the #thisiswhatasexuallookslike movement and is THE leading voice for the community.

And you all will celebrate international asexuality day on April 6th but we wouldn't even have that if she hadn't cofounded it.

I still hate most of the foods that I wouldn't eat as a kid. Almost all the variation in my diet came from trying foods I wasn't exposed to as a kid.

In fact, there are lots of foods I would force myself to eat as a kid that I don't bother with anymore because I don't like them

"you have to stop being a picky eater and learn to tolerate new foods..."

gagging is extremely stressful. it is such an intensely, sharply unpleasant experience with the added stress of trying not to spit your mouthful of food all over yourself/the table. The sweating and heart palpitations of trying to force down a swallow of something that is viscerally repulsing you is an exquisitely negative feeling. My palms are sweating just thinking about it.

This experience can cause novelty itself to cause fear and apprehension. Just the prospect of eating something unfamiliar can cause fear and nausea, because past experiences were so incredibly negative

now, the physiological effect of fear is that it suppresses the activity of the digestive system. this deadens your appetite and makes it more likely that eating will make you feel sick. So the negative experience is compounded

but on a milder level, the depression of simply not enjoying food is very negative for your life. I can say confidently that the low quality of cafeteria food at my college increased my day to day depression. eating is one of life's pleasures and when it becomes a repulsive chore, that builds a slow resentment of being alive

therefore, it is not good to force yourself to eat things you do not like, instead it is better to cultivate greater curiosity and adventurousness regarding foods you may have never been exposed to before. importantly, you must do it in a safe enviroment because before you can enjoy food you have to undo all the negative experiences of being forced to eat food you hate

cooking recipes for yourself can be a good way to do that because it is creative and active which gives a sense of playfulness which leads to power and agency

do not try new things in social gathering where there is pressure from other people

foraging and gardening is incredibly helpful because the food is fresh and there is a great sense of security and connectedness in it. you know where the food comes from you know that it is good you know it came from the earth beneath your feet. eating something right off the plant is an experience that unlocks your inquisitive and animalistic side instead of making you feel pressures and stresses from social expectation.

You feel like an animal trying to bite something investigating whether it is food. Does a wild animal get yelled at when it bites something that is not edible and spits it out? of course not.

Also once you have had positive experiences eating things from outside your instincts tend to be more accessible to you. humans in the modern world are taught that outside things are not for eating, generally, so they silence the instinct that urges them to eat plants.

Personally i think this is a big part of many aversions to vegetables, if you are told that leaves outside are all poison and bad, it is hard to turn off that apprehension with a leaf on your plate. but if you experience eating plants that grow out of the ground in the world around you, that can awaken that instinct toward plants as food again

Hi anon!

Of course. What I mean is that feelings and actions are two different things.

For example, imagine your friend cancels plans because they got sick. You might feel disappointed, hurt, lonely, or even abandoned. Those feelings are real and valid. You don't need to apologize for having them.

However, if you lash out at your friend, guilt trip them, or send a series of angry messages, those behaviours may deserve an apology even though your feelings were genuine.

I'd also like to look at a different example because sometimes the other person actually did do something wrong.

Imagine your partner lies to you. Feeling hurt, angry, betrayed, or devastated makes sense. In this situation, there is a real problem that needs to be addressed.

But if you respond by screaming, calling them names, threatening them, or trying to hurt them back, those actions may still deserve an apology.

The important thing to remember is that apologizing for your reaction is not the same thing as apologizing for your feelings. Your feelings were still real, and especially in this case, they still deserve being addressed.

Sometimes both things can be true at once. Your partner may need to take accountability for lying. You may need to take accountability for how you reacted. One person's accountability does not erase the other's.

I think a lot of people accidentally turn accountability into an all-or-nothing situation where whoever behaved worse in the moment becomes "the problem." (And honestly, it's a matter of perspective. Both people may think the other behaved worse but the reality is both behaviours should be addressed.) Relationships are much more complicated than that.

You can have a valid reason for being hurt and still owe someone an apology for how you handled that hurt. You can also apologize for your behaviour without dismissing your feelings.