on my 'puter

a cancelled show can be a dead wife

as part of their ongoing boycott, Canada will no longer provide the US with totally real long-distance girlfriends who definitely exist

in the age of ozempic, take my hands...its okay to gain weight and to want to be fatter. Normalize talking about gaining weight for no reason other than you want to. Heal your relationship with your body and with food. Its okay to want to be fatter.

Everyone wish me luck on my date today I’m so nervous what if they don’t like me…

You show up and Michael B Jordan is sitting in both seats.

☝️only funny addition so far. I’m actually shocked nobody else thought of that yet

Thats crazy dude mind if i join you

They just look so tired and ready to give up.

it was a rough summer in halifax

love the word fruitless. arguing with you is like if there was no apples involved whatsoever

you're bountiless you stupid bitch

dreamed I was thoroughly embarrassed on a game show because I couldn’t think of a 7 letter palindromic word in time. Woke up furious the judges didn’t accept “repaper”. My spelling nightmare

stop dropping solutions in the tags. unless you are posting while asleep i dont wanna hear it

funniest sound in the world is a cat smacking shit hard as fuck with their little stupid paw

i saw a cat with an honest to god balled-up fist getting ready to hit someone the other day and it made me laugh so hard i cried