Family, Friends What's your relationship with the concepts of friendship and family? Are you out to your family and friends, if you have them?

Attention ! This post is exceedingly long, I'm sorry ! Because of this, I've decided to put most of it under the read-more. Thank you for understanding.

I LOVE FRIENDSHIP !!!!!!!!!!!! I consider my closest friends loved ones, they’re more than family and I owe them my life, I am not exaggerating not even a little bit. I would have never achieved anything in life if it wasn’t for the existence of my friends, even more than my own blood relatives. Even when I had literally nothing not even myself, they were always there, and I would do the same for every single one of them. Not even as a thank you, not even because they did it for me. I do it because I love them. I love them so intensely and deeply. Platonic love is the best kind of love I’ve ever felt and I treasure it within my own soul. There is nothing I love more in this world than my friends, nothing at all. I’m actually pretty happy family and friends are mentioned together in this prompt because I don’t have a hierarchy for the people I love; I only “sort them” by what kind of love or kind of relationship we have. Level wise? I love my best friend the same AMOUNT as I love my own brother or my dad. One is platonic, the others familial, that’s all. To me that’s the only difference.

Setting my raging platonicity aside, I consider myself extremely lucky when it comes to family. Of course they’re not perfect, they’re human beings, but to me they’re awesome. I have a very close relationship with my father’s side of the family, as my mother’s is in another country.

Expression How do you express your identity? What's your ideal expression/presentation?

I try my best to express it visually as much as possible. Even if it may not seem obvious to others, it always is to me.

For starters, I think of my appearance the same way you’d make a Sim with a lot of CC or dress up an Everskies avatar. In fact, if I’m being entirely honest, I think about it the same way I think about character design: The palette, the shapes, the layering. I pick a concept I want to embody that day and work around it. “Concept” can be anything, of course. Sometimes an aesthetic, sometimes a certain character or trope, sometimes even a Literal Concept. This includes my kins as well as other aspects of my identity, but gender isn’t really at the forefront and never really was.

While yes, my presentation is very tied to my gender, it’s not as straightforward as you may assume. See, I don’t aim to pass in one way or another. I want to confuse, always. My goal is to make others wonder what I am, while I get to do whatever I want with my looks. Androgyny is instrumental to every aspect of my identity, and something I always do is try to “balance” my masculinity and femininity. It isn’t just dressing masc but wearing make-up or wearing a dress with sneakers and a baseball cap, it’s more intricate than that. Let’s say I want to wear jeans and a plain shirt. A few options are : if my hair is long, go for baggy-on-baggy skaterboy fit, but with many accessories. With shorter hair I would gravitate more towards little-shirt-big-pant. If it gets cold, humongous jacket for option 1 and cropped Adidas hoodie for option 2. Other idea, sleeveless + shorts. I can aim for a mcbling twink with the thinnest tightest tank top you can imagine or classic wife-pleaser with big chunky cargos (shout out butches). And what about formal attire? The options are endless. Do I want to give Victorian bishoujo vampire? Do I channel my inner office siren? Do I become the mafia boss of every fanfic? It’s a lot of fun, especially if you consider I can mix and match to my heart’s content.

That’s based on the “standard” “masc-fem scale”, which isn’t my priority and just something I enjoy to play with every day. What I pay closest attention to is channeling The Vibe. On my most grimine days, I put on the ol’ reliable. When I want to be more dogboyish, I pull out my several bone and paw-shaped trinkets and accessories. I love chrome and stars on days I want to channel my core aesthetics, and I can’t help but try my best to mirror the feeling or style or literally, once again, vibe of the music I’m listening to that particular day. Hell, I even consider the weather, but I’m not even talking about the temperature. Just literally “it’s sunny so let’s channel sunny-day vibes”. On top of all that, I always hold my interests close and do my best to include even a little something about them in my every day appearance.

Being entirely honest, I’m too aldernic to have one single ideal presentation of my truest self. If could look outwardly however I desired, I wouldn’t even be able to choose one form. That’s partly why I believe I connect with so many different things in so many different ways. My ideal expression is truly impossible to achieve, but that does not sadden me, as I do the active effort to allow my perceivable form to channel, embody and showcase even if just a tiny bit of what it could be. Humanly speaking, I never really had a fixed “goal” appearance. I’ve always been very confustransitional and I’m always moving the goalpost. That being said, I look in the mirror and look exactly how I want to present to the world as: Myself.

Ps: I tried to link references as much as I could to better illustrate what i was talking about at any given point, but for a full (ever growing) list of presentation terms i like and/or connect with, feel free to check this tag.

Spanish is heavily grammatically gendered. Neutral language had to literally be invented and appended to regular grammar in a way that is cohesive and easy to use. Feminine words end with A, masculine words with O, and what do we do when something isn't either? we use E, which can be pronounced out loud, or X, which is mostly if not always used in text form.

Latina is fem form, ei "a Latina woman". Latino is masc form, ie "a Latino man". LATINE is NEUTRAL / NON-GENDERED form, ie "a LATINE person", ie "my Latine friend uses elle pronouns in Spanish" ie "mi hermane nació en Colombia, asi que es Latine"

Disconnect Are you disconnected with any particular aspect of your identity?

I know nothing about disconnect <- the disconnected-from-reality-in-several-levels guy.

Jokes aside, this is actually a tricky question for me. I’ll try to answer it in a few parts.

I have a hard time connecting with my transness, but not for the reasons you may be thinking. I see it in a way I’ve never seen other people fully grasp or consider, despite discussing this with other queer folks of different identities. So, to put it simply: I am trans because I am nonbinary. I’m not transgender as an identity on itself, as a standalone. I’m nonbinary first, and consider myself trans because I’m cisn’t. I wasn’t born who I am right now so I’ve transitioned, but I’m ME first and foremost. Not being cis is deeply important to me and being part of the trans umbrella is something I revindicate every day of my life. I however have a hard time considering myself Just Trans. Several parts of my identity are not trans nor cis, are technically cis, or don’t fit usual modalities. To me, the way I’m trans is more important over being trans. Therefore, I’ve always had conflicting feelings about it.

I feel a certain disconnect with my amorous identity as well. I’m Ambiamorous, yet I’ve never been in any configuration of a poly relationship. I know for a fact I’d be happy and content in one, and I’ve discussed it with my mono partners before, but it’s just hasn’t come to fruition. And that’s fine of course ! I’m in a closed mono alterous relationship as of the writing of this post, and I’m not actively interested in dating* other people aside from my boyfriend**. Sometimes I feel like I should though, like we should open the relationship or find other people we could date at the same time simply because it’s something I would like. But I don’t… I don’t feel like it right now, simple as that. We had talked at length about these topics with him, and I can assure you he’s completely alright with the idea; we’re both open to, well, opening or expanding the relationship anytime. He, however, isn’t interested either. No one is forcing anyone to do anything and YET I feel like I’m a fraud for not having a high enough polystic drive to consider myself part of the non-monogamous umbrella. I wish I could talk to more poly folk about this but I don’t know many if any… It’s pretty isolating…

To end on a less confusing and sad-tinted note, I’ve been reevaluating my xeninity. I’ve felt disconnected from my xenogender identity for a long time, to the point it feels like I’m fully opening my heart to it this past year. When I was younger I could not for the life of me understand xenogenders yet I never bashed them nor hated them publicly ever, and funnily enough they were instrumental in my journey of self-discovery. My connection to xeninity has always oscillated, but it feels like no matter what I do or how far I am in my transition I’m always deeply drawn to it. I’m aware a big part of it – my wariness and uncertainty approaching this part of me – stems from internalized xenicphobia / antixeninity, but I’m slowly yet surely bridging the gap, extending an olive branch to myself. That’s what matters the most I think.

* I use “date” to refer to any other kind of Serious Relationship, but it can be any kind of any type of attraction, like a QPR for example /info

** he’s ace, bisexual, and we’re T4T, he’s NOTTTT a cishet man and if you assumed otherwise I’m judging you /hj /lh

Culture How does your culture influence your identity, if at all?

It’s engrained in me. It’s entirely infused into my identity in all levels and layers. I know for a fact I would not be the same person if I had been born or lived somewhere else.

For context, I’m latino. I’m from Argentina, born, raised, resident. I live here and will continue to do so for as long as I can, as I genuinely unironically love to be here. In fact, when it comes to queer and/or trans rights, we have more laws in place in comparison to several first-world countries, with one of the best laws for the protection of trans identities in the continent. We were even the first country in latam with an X sex marker for our IDs (something the current right-wing president wants to delete, mind you). The queer community here is large and strong, and its history can be traced back even before Stonewall, and even further back if we count the indigenous communities that live here to this day. Everything I have today I owe to travestis, and I cannot take it for granted. Once you learn about those who came before you, it’s impossible to let go.

I’ve studied English all my life because it’s a language I’ve always liked, but also because here it’s seen as mandatory. You NEED to know English for a chance at a “better life”; I was raised believing at some point I had to move abroad or else I wouldn’t succeed. I even thought, for the longest time, that I could only study my career in the US (newsflash: that’s a lie). Why am I sharing all this? Well, when I first learnt about the word “nonbinary”, I thought it only existed in English. Not only the term itself, but also the concept, the identity. I thought my only chance to be myself fully was in another language, another country, another culture entirely.

It wasn’t until the last few years of high school that I found queer people from Argentina on social media, some of which I ended up crossing paths with in real life. I was lucky to meet trans and nonbinary people in spaces I frequented related to my interests, and as I got older I was able to hang out at queer spaces and events here in my city more and more often. Turns out they were always there, as they had been before me. They were only waiting to be found. All throughout these aforementioned years I took the time to learn about queer Argentinian history, about the community I thought wasn’t fully for me. I realized then and realize now how similar we are. I have to bring up travestis again here. They were for the longest time the closest to a transgender person that the general public could understand, and it’s because of them that here in Argentina so many people know what a trans woman is. Despite being criminalized and killed by police for years, they’ve stayed strong and are the unwavering pillar of the Argentinian queer community.

Whether you’re against it or support it, queerness is a fact of life here. One of the most respected children’s book writers in the entire country is María Elena Walsh, who was a lesbian. I grew up with her stories and songs, as many (If not all) Argentinian kids of my generation did. In 2018, there was a prime time comedy-telenovela called "100 Dias Para Enamorarse" (which I highly recommend) where one of the most important plotlines is the story of a trans man character, including his transition. Even when I was little I knew what being transgender is thanks to an incredibly accomplished trans woman called Florencia de La V; she’s an important figure in Argentina’s pop culture to this day. It’s this experience of “normalcy” despite the push back, of standing your ground and existing, that in my opinion has shaped who I am since forever. Growing up, you learn that you just have to Be You, no matter if they beat you or take you to jail. You just have to fight back.

This has become too lengthy and wordy, and I apologize. I had the utmost pleasure of meeting and chatting in person with a 50-year-old nonbinary person the other day, and it moved me deeply how we both had the same mentality of “I exist, and I’m willing to die for my existence”, which is something so culturally Argentinian. After all, never forget the infamous coup d’état was launched to persecute and kill anyone who opposed the regime, especially leftist activists, or the fact we became a nation by fighting Spain. Being Argentinian feels like a constant fight for existence and survival, in one way or another, and it is part of who I am. Specially as a queer trans leftist being.

Last note, I know most links are Wikipedia. This is entirely for simplicity's sake. I encourage any readers to seek out further information if interested in such topics. My inbox is open as well.

NONBINARIES

anyone in the anattractional spectrum

men who are women and women who are men

anyone who is "contradictory" in any way

intersex folk including those with PCOS / PMOS

anyone who is trans but not transmasc nor transfem, or even both at the same time

xenogenders and neogenders

neopronoun users

therians and furries

Body What's your relationship to your body? How does it affect how you identify?

This is going to be very hard to explain, and I’ve discussed these topics before, but I’ll give it a go.

I don’t see my body as myself. What I mean by that is my body isn’t “me”. “Me” is inside my body, metaphorically and literally. I inhabit my body, I pilot it and use it to experience the physical world, but it isn’t “me”. It IS mine, of course, and I’ve customized it and shaped it to be a reflection of myself – with its limitations due to being, well, human – but alas it is separate from me. If you’re more spiritual you might understand this as me being “the soul” and yeah, that works. That being said, my brain is separate from me as well; it’s functions and the unconscious are not under my domain. My brain and myself are essentially coworkers inside this “meat suit” we’re in. Sometimes friendly, sometimes at odds, sometimes so opposite I get panic attacks. Everything I have no control over in my psyche is my brain, and the rest is all me, and the brain is a part of me BUT it is also more connected to the body. I genuinely cannot explain myself any better…

Taking all that into consideration, it affects everything. My everyday life, my connections to others, the way I experience the world and existence on itself. I find myself being a perpetual observer of life. There’s a layer of disconnect that is always there, sometimes lesser sometimes stronger. Much of it can be explained by my psychology, sure, yet I’ll never be able to shake the feeling that it runs way deeper than one could think, even myself. It’s a multilayered topic, and it probably explains a lot about myself and everything I talk about.

Alas, this is not negative, not at all ! It can be, but on its own it is simply a fact of life for little odd me. Despite what one might assume due to me being trans, I never hated my body to begin with. Being uncomfortable with aspects of it has never meant I hate it, and I actually do love it. I cherish it, I take joy in modifying it and shaping it. I love to dress it up, I love to make it look nice for myself. I love that it’s mine and only mine. I’ve harmed it and I’ve healed it. I’ve wanted to escape from it and I’ve found refuge inside of it.

It’s complicated, but so is life.

Alterhumanity Are you alterhuman? How does this affect your life and identity?

I feel a bit antiquated when discussing not-human terminology because I found myself during a time where everything was under otherkin and such. So, yeah, I am technically alterhuman, but I consider it more of an umbrella term and not an identity on itself. I tend to prefer to use other words for myself, despite being by definition part of the community.

This also ties into the fact I have a complicated relationship with humanity and being human as a whole. I’ve found several “terms” that explain this phenomenon pretty well, but at the end of the day it’s best explained as this: I’m not human and a human at once. My humanity is nonhuman and my nonhumanity is human. I’m shaped like a human, very loosely. To me, alterhumanity is entirely tied to my spiritual beliefs; I believe in past-lives and the multiverse, and most of the connections I feel to my ‘types is due to an innate sense of belonging, or a feeling of familiarity, a “this was me at some point” or “this is me somewhere” level of resonance with them.

As such, being alterhuman is deeply intertwined with my identity and my selfhood as a whole. The way I interact with others, the way I experience my gender and sexuality, everything. I strongly believe I wouldn’t be the same nor would I BE myself in all its glory if I wasn’t alterhuman. I’ll give some examples that come to mind: my personal experiences with DPDR and my disconnect from reality have shaped how I view existence, and it can be matched with how I view my humanity. My identity as a gay man (who isn’t a man to begin with) is intrinsically tied to being a dogboy, which in turn is tied to what kind of gay man I am. My presentation and any kind of visual aspects of self-expression will always be tied to my kins, even down to my favorite colors. Plus, as someone whose self is best explained by concepts, “embodying” them is just second nature to me; there’s a bit of everything of me in everything, which I know sounds redundant, but that’s exactly how I can best put it into words.

So, yes to everything. There’s an alterhuman filter to my entire life that is crucial to understanding myself, and the other way around: learning about myself explains my nonhumanity perfectly. If you (the reader) would like to know more about my experiences, here’s my organized rentry and here’s my blog specifically for terminology I vibe with, as I don’t want to makes this any longer !