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Misplaced Lens Cap
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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$LAYYYTER
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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@ultraaviolennce

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My bank account:
this is legitimately the FUNNIEST fucking thing Iāve seen on any dating website
GERTA REJECTED ME
<b>Unreal</b>
seduce me with ur history knowledgeĀ
vikings made their woman handle the finances because they thought math is witchcraft
During a military campaign, Vlad the Impaler, the basis for Dracula, once pulled his troops out of a major engagement in a valley at dusk so that the sun was in their enemiesā eyes. Once they were over the hill, they set loose a bunch of rabid bats who flew away from the sun (towards the enemy) and attacked them, leading to significant infection in their ranks, and Vladās eventual victory. Because of how the bats appeared from where Vladās soldiers appeared to be at dusk, myth stated that the soldiers turned into bats at night, which is where the āDracula can change into a batā thing came from.
raphael, the renaissance painter, literally fucked himself to death
during the Ottoman Empire, the Sultan Ibrahim I had 280 of his concubines drowned in the ocean after ONE of them slept with another man.
The earths carbon levels fell by 700 million tons because Genghis Khan killed so many people
King James (the one known for revising the Bible) liked to watch women give birth. Thatās where the ātraditionā of women laying on their backs to give birth comes from.
Previous to that it was common for women to have chairs with holes in them and straw underneath, so they could sit on this special chair and let gravity help with the birthing process.
Spicy foods were thought to increase libido and cause children to masturbate. To prevent kids from touching themselves at night, a man named Kellogg invented the blandest combination of cereals, marketed it at kids, and called it Corn Flakes
At the Battle of Gettysburg during the American Civil War, a small group of Union soldiers had run out of ammo against a large group of the Confederate Army. In a panic, the Union soldiers sprinted at them, screaming, with only bayonets drawn. The entire Confederate Army that was present turned and ran away in fear, not knowing that they had literally no ammunition.
When the Roman Emperor Caligula went to invade Britain he stood on the coast of Gaul with his army and suddenly declared war on Neptune, God of the Sea. He had his men collect sea shells from the shore asĀ āspoils from the Oceanā.
Oh and he appointed his horse to the senate.
During the Austro-Prussian war of 1868, Liechtenstein sent over an army of 80 people, but ended up coming back with 81 people because they befriended a guy on the other side.
People refused to send art and sculptures to be displayed at the Chicago Worldās Fair because of Chicagoās history with fire. They had to fireproof the Fine Arts building to get people to agree to loan them their art. A year after the fair closed most of the grounds were destroyed by fire but the Fine Arts building survived. Itās now the Museum of Science and Industry.
The carbon emissions thing from Ghenghis Khan is not the whole story. He also planted trees wherever he conquered land because he liked trees and thought they were important. He conquered enough to make an impact on the global climate.
Radu III, brother of Vlad III( Vlad the Impaler) Ā nearly killed Mehmed II, the future Sultan of the Ottomanās, after Mehmed invited him up to his chambers. Radu, seemingly unaware that the offer was sexual in nature, was startled when Mehmed embraced and then tried to kiss him. Radu stabbed the prince in the leg, then ran and hid in a tree. They later became lovers, and maintained a relationship for the rest of their lives
Just googled the last one because holy shit thatās magnificent and seemed to good to be true, but not only did it actually happen, but I also learned that radu was known as āradu the beautifulā
fun date idea: stab him in the leg

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The cutest water boy Iāve ever seen
My reaction to hateful insults: lol yeah okay buddy
My reaction to constructive criticism: ah, I see now that I am horrible. I am the worst. I will cry for 90 years now.
dog at the club

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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no offense but my obsession w being beautiful is literally going to get me killed
LMAOOO I SEE NO WRONG
if my parents saw my prom pictures looked like this theyād beat my ass and his
strong, shirtless man: *gestures to biceps* check out these swords bro
guy: uhh⦠donāt you mean gunsā¦?
strong, shirtless man: no *flexes with audible SHIIING noise*

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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People need to realize that thereās a difference between straight people and Straight Peopleā¢
Straight person: Hey, you got a new haircut. Looks really good.
Straight Personā¢: No homo, but your haircut looks good on you.
In case you were confused š
Just like how there are white people who are gay and then there are the White Gays
White people who are gay: āIām gay.ā
White Gays: āI canāt believe I got accused of racism after calling that person a racial slur! I mean, I know what racism looks like because Iāve been discriminated for my sexuality. How is me being racist even possible? IāM GAY!ā
Lmao all the angry White and Straight people in the comments, keep reblogging
neurotypical: i donāt have any mental illnesses or disorders Neurotypicalā¢: Happiness is a choice!! āØāØHave you tried yoga? Drink more water and eat kale āØāØ
cis person: i identify completely as my assigned gender Cis Personā¢: It doesnāt matter what you identify as, cause you still have Female Genitals! Iām not being offensive!! Read a book on Human Biology! š¹šŗ
men: I identify as male.
Menā¢: feminazis ruin everything, get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich bitch
atheists: I donāt believe in god or identify with a religion
Atheistsā¢: Donāt fucking talk to me if you believe in God. Open your closed-fucking-minds!! (usually targeted towards Christians)
nice guys: hey I know when not to invade someoneās space and I totally respect boundaries
Nice Guysā¢: IVE BEEN YOUR FRIEND FOR A MONTH AND NOW YOURE TELLING ME YOU DONT WANT TO FUCK ME ???? WHAT IS THE POINT OF WOMEN IF YOURE NOT HAVING SEX WITH ME?
this post got all kinds of better since I last saw it
This post is perfection across the board.
feminist: I believe in equality for everything between the sexes
Feministā¢: ALL MEN ARE ASSHOLES AND SHOULD DIE! WE DONT NEED ANY OF THEM ANYWAYS AND THEY NEVER DO ANYTHING GOOD FOR US!!
Christian: I believe in God and his son Jesus
Christianā¢: We must Obey Bible In Everything and Take It Literally and if you donāt do it youāre Going To Hell! Iām praying for you to find God and have your sins Forgiven! Other religions are from Satan and So Is Atheism!
3 am its chupacabra research time