Salty Asian Sensei

Learning to accept yourself and feeling like you’re worthy of love is a process. I definitely understand, and I still struggle with the feeling that I have to be grateful for whatever little attention I can garner.

Be patient with yourself, but try to think in positive terms. Look for the best in yourself, and allow yourself to feel good about yourself in spite of your doubts.

I hope you can make progress on your journey towards self-acceptance, and I’m glad to hear it sounds like you have a good partner by your side to support you.

Honestly, I’m not super active anymore. I’ve been working full-time as a manager in food service while I work on my MA/wait to get a teaching job, and I really just don’t come on tumblr much these days.

I suppose I’ve also just sort of gotten to a point in my life and transition where I really don’t think much about being trans. I’m a man on paper, among my friends and family, and with my coworkers. I’ve reached a point where I’m stealth, but if my trans identity were to come out, I’d honestly say that I don’t disclose it because it’s such a small aspect of my life now.

The other day I was looking in the mirror and thinking about how I’d almost forgotten that I’d ever not had a flat chest, and the fact that I had had surgery was almost unreal to me at this point. It’s just who I am and how I am.

I really hope that every trans man and woman can reach that point in their life, when life is just everything but worrying about passing or dysphoria or agonizing about reinventing backstories about childhood and adolescence. Do I get dysphoric sometimes? Yeah. I still want bottom surgery some day so that my trans-ness can fade into even more obscurity in my mind, and I greatly anticipate the point in my life at which I have lived as a man longer than I ever was a “girl.” Even just three years of living like a man has been the most natural and comfortable adjustment of my life.

I hope all y’all out there are still doing well, I hope that you’re all prospering and persevering. I know sometimes in the midst of planning for future hormones and surgeries, we get lost in the frustration of the wait, but please keep in mind that eventually your time will come and you will be able to find peace with yourself and your body.

That sounds very frustrating, and I definitely sympathize with you, Anon. I hope that things work out soon. 

My advice would be to talk with the surgeon’s office, your primary care provider, your psychiatrist, or someone else in the medical field who is willing to help you fight the issue with your health insurance provider. They can often provide guidance regarding how to approach the matter and how to jump the hoops the insurance company might through your way. You also might have to spend a lot of time talking on the phone with the insurance company to ensure that you have done all that is necessary/you are fully understanding of what you need to get coverage from them.

In the meantime, think of your body as being a work in progress. You’re basically in puberty, and you have to deal with the crappy, weirdly-formed body you have now with the understanding that you’ll mature and grow into something far better in the future. It might seem like it’s taking forever, but you’ll get there eventually. Just focus on staying positive and doing what you can to work towards that body until the big day arrives. 

Waiting sucks, and it can be so frustrating to see the other trans people around you progressing in their transition while you’re still struggling to take your first steps, but that time will come eventually. Don’t give up, and don’t leave your case up to someone else to pick up; these are the times when you might have pick up your phone and make phone calls every day until someone tells you exactly what you need and how to achieve that. Do not assume anyone is going to do their job, and do not assume they’re going to make it easy for you to get the coverage you want. You are the only one out for yourself, and you’ve got to go to war with these people sometimes to get what you actually need.

I’m straight, and I’m currently dating a really incredible, supportive woman. :)