regular normalguy

our idiotic ancestors used to believe stuff that's not true but luckily we've now figured out all the true things to believe in

when i used to be a barista i remember this one time where we had a whiteboard in the back room, and my manager wrote out like goals for getting our customer service score up. and i found the marker and i wrote a new goal underneath her list that just said "The Rapture" and 4 some reason she didnt even erase it i just remember her very tiredly saying "oh. and if we get our customer connection score up to 60 we can have the rapture." why did she let me do that

i just wanna do nothinggggg 😭😭😭😭😭 which is like what im already doing but i wanna do it in a way that doesnt actively ruin my life 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

so i think the solution is to give dachshunds a third pair of legs right in the middle

the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped

robbing the pharaos tomb but hes the broke pharaoh and theyres nothing to steal

and the picture of him on the sarcophagus he's turning his pockets out and shrugging

Was trying to make a joke about TV writing to my friend the other day and had to pause and go "...does the phrase 'surf dracula' mean anything to you?"

image description: tweet by @/topherflorence, reading: back in the day if u did a tv show called surf dracula you'd see that fool surfing every week in new adventures but in the streaming era the entire 1st season gotta be a long ass flashback to how he got the surfboard until you finally get to see him surf for 5 min in the finale /end description

it is extremely relevant that pistachios are so easy to acquire here, but acorns, which are an indigenous California food staple crop, are impossible to find even in the best stocked grocery stores, and knowing how to prepare them for consumption is a rarer skill than sourdough starter

unfind that family immediately

🫩 no i don't think those characters are siblings i think they're friends. I don't think that's their mom I actually think she's their friend. I don't think they're related actually I think they're friends with each other.