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iliketurtles55

(Sequel to ‘This memory is being forgotten’)

ominous-signs

Official somber sign

autistichalsin

Actually no one should be having sex. All of us are aged-up minors and the passage of time is inherently problematic

anenbylittlepotato

The worst part about this is that some people genuinely have this take:

flowersforabel

Oh god this being on my dash is like seeing my own corpse dragged through the town square

omegaversereloaded

i cant believe that there's still gamergate STANK on games that women enjoy. NASTY misogyny residue. stardew valley is in fact a video game. animal crossing is also a video game. so are otome games and dating sims and twee little cozy games. sometimes a bitch doesnt wanna play bloodborne that shit's hard

omegaversereloaded

guys who mainly play 2k and fortnite will still be like oh youre not a real gamer for having 1000 hours in stardew. mother fucker you're larping as a basketball player

fluorescentnova

mogblin

the thing about job searching is i see all these job postings and im like i dont wanna do any of this for any of you

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cipheramnesia

Lakes and graveyards are very similar in that if you detonate a large explosion inside either one a lot of dead bodies come to the surface.

geekandmisandry

Hi, um. How is being the necromancer's apprentice going for you OP?

cipheramnesia

You want I should raise dead, I raise dead, no problem. You want banish dead, no problem, have plenty more nitro. I do this, ten minutes.

dee-the-red-witch

CHUNKY STEW IS NOT BANISHMENT.

cipheramnesia

Chunky stew, very bad necromancer. We banish, no problem, no chunks. I give you number of cousin Yvgeny. Will power wash house, very good prices. No other necromancer does this for you.

geekandmisandry

Is....is...is Yvgeny....alive?

cipheramnesia

Eh. Is alive enough.

#im the Yvgeny in question #yeah #hire me pls i wanna clean someone's house

finishingschoolbooks

How to Ride a Werewolf

Now remember, a lady rides sidesaddle, NOT astride. Your mother would be in hysterics at the very idea that a daughter of hers would ride a werewolf astride! Why, next you’ll be showing ankle…

were-ralph

That’s not how you ride a werewolf ill show you how to ride a werewolf !!

worldheritagepostorganization

World Heritage Post

maskysgirlfriendmoved-deactivat

yall gotta be nicer about m/f bc sometimes u guys like the blandest gay sutff ive ever seen in my life

maskysgirlfriendmoved-deactivat

gonna add onto this you all gotta stop acting like m/f is just cishet when bisexual people exist and straight trans people exist.

maskysgirlfriendmoved-deactivat

last add on alot of m/f ships of poc or white/poc ship are constantly downplayed for bland white m/m or f/f ships

majorpepperidge

#also sometimes u guys r just fuckig misogynist. abt the women in m/f ships. sorry

twoofcups

gordon ramsey: is the food good here?

underpaid server:

My favourite thing about that show is how he treats servers. It was also the source of some very intense fantasies when I was a barista of him busting into my cafe, calling my boss a fucking idiot, then taking me against the broken dishwasher.

twoofcups

butterfly-sapphic

theclassicsreader

crazy how much i could get done if i didn't have "doesn't want to do things" disorder

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nudityandnerdery

Hey, we’re in line for some absurd temperatures here in the southwest this week. This is very important to know and keep in mind. Be safe, stay hydrated, stay out of the sun as much as you can.

katajainen

For my fellow Europeans south of us who are currently suffering from extreme heat. Stay safe!

belovedapollo

I’d also like to add this

Additional you can also put them on your palms, also, make sure to always use a light towel or kitchen paper and don’t put the ice bags directly onto your skin!

allthingswhumpyandangsty

kaity--did

The problem with having a child with an attorney that has spoken to the child like an adult since birth is that she's 4 years old and she's negotiating the order in which we're going to complete tasks as a family to best suit her idea of an ideal day.

kaity--did

Penny: We go home, we play the mirror game, we have dessert, we play more games, we have fun deal?

Me: Okay well actually we're going to go home, have dinner, then dessert, then we can play your video game, then tubby then bed

Penny: Okay no tubby, games first, deal?

Me: This is not - what is happening right now?

Penny: Dada?

Dada: Arbitration?

Penny: DEALS!

kaity--did

Every single thing in our lives has become a negotiation and it is frankly ridiculous as it is hilarious.

Penny: I want to use bare foot when we go outside

Me: I didn't know we were going outside but you have to wear shoes girl

Penny: okay but what about I use bare foot's but at Penny's house? This deal?

Me: you know what yeah fine if you agree to not fight about shoes when we leave the house you can be barefoot in the back yard, deal.

Penny: -sticks her hand out expectantly- we deal?

I think I just made a verbal contract with a 4 year old.

kaity--did

She's attempting to establish evidence I think

Penny: but I want to go shool pwease

Dada: okay well it is 8pm, so you have to go to sleep now

Penny: okay but I see my fwiends at shool now please, deal?

Dada: Darling no one is at school, all your friends are asleep as well.

Penny: all Penny's fwiends are sweep? What about we... get in Dadas car and check to see watch them sweep, yes deal?

Dada: I cannot begin to explain to you why that can not happen

kaity--did

The great thing about being beholden to Penny the Deals Warlock is that she is also beholden to the art of the deal

Me: (watching Penny scoot her step stool over to where we keep the candy jar): hey honey we're literally walking out the door to go get dinner, maybe we wait on the candy okay?

Penny: Oh but I will have some candy?

Me: Why don't you come have some mac and cheese and then when we get home you can have some candy, deal?

Penny: (running out the door) oh, yes this is deals!

kaity--did

We are visiting my family and Papa has quickly had to pay patronage to Penny the Deals Warlock

Papa: (yesterday morning, when Penny was a little grumpy) What about you come downstairs and we'll have some waffles and then tomorrow Papa will take you to the Diner in town for breakfast?

Penny: (extending her tiny hand to a VERY confused man) this is deal?

Papa: (not knowing hes entering a literal contract) uhm yeah deal.

-smash cut to 6:30 AM this morning-

Penny (running down the hallway in bare feet) 👹BREAKFAST DEALS👹

kaity--did

Penny has a canker sore to end all canker sores, to the point where she hasn't been able to eat so we had to make some deals surrounding getting some medicine on it because a hungry Penny Rose is like a angry demon queen

Me: Okay baby this is going to suck. This is going to hurt real bad for a second and then it's going to feel weird and then it's going to feel good. You're going to hate it. But if you let Mama get these three medicines in and on you [Listerine, Antacid, Tylenol] you can scream it out and then we'll go get some ice cream! Deal?

Penny: (obviously not thrilled with this idea) okay, three big shreams, three medicines, ice cream ... it will suck... ice cream ... deal. (Sticks out hand and we shake on it)

Me: okay let's do this I'm so sorry (starts the process)

Penny: ( In between her big screams ) IM GONNA GET LOTS OF FRINKLES

kaity--did

My husband is trying to make a deal with Penny to get upstairs and get in the bath tub

Penny: I will go upstairs and get my body clean but you hafta titch me, deal?

Dada: I would love to make this deal with you kid but I literally have no idea what you are saying- I don't know what the terms are, you're speaking a language I don't speak

Penny: you have to titch me like mama does okay DEAL!? (Sticks tiny hand out aggressively)

Dada: (looks at me bewildered for help)

Me: ( starts making a quick tick tick tick sound imitating a stop watch like I'm timing her, while penny jumps around yelling YES TITCH ME LIKE THAT)

Dada: In what world was I ever going to figure that out, thank you for acting as our legal interpreter yes deal let's go!

and off she sprints.

kaity--did

Penny does not want to go to bed, but man is it time for her to go to bed

Penny: But I don't want to be sleeping, I want to stay up now! I want to see Grampy and Cozy and Guppie and Papa!

Mama: What if we video call all the grands and say good night to everyone? If we do that will you then go to bed no fussing?

Penny: Oh yes, this is deals! -sticks her hand out to shake-

** we make the rounds and video call all her grandparents, they are all already in bed and say good night and penny hangs up the last video call and toddles into bed with minimal fussing **

Penny : (after a few minutes of silence, over the video monitor, to herself in her dark bedroom) I hafta respect da deals.

kaity--did

Every morning Penny wakes up, and she asks if we have decorated her house with "Halloween every where" and every morning I have had to tell her not yet baby but soon. This last morning Penny had to go to pre k a little earlier then she is used to cause Daddy had court and I had a dentist appointment, which made her a little bummed out... or so I thought

Me: Hey baby do you want to make a deal about school?

Penny: (immediately sticks out her hand, literally no hesitation, her entire demeanor changing in an instant) yes let's deals, I will be big and brave and go to school no fussing, and you will put Halloween every where all over my house, okay this is deals Mama??

I think I just got hustled by a 4 year old...

kaity--did

A tangentially related update :

Penny: (is doing some strange interpretive dance to let us know she's not a fan of the cup we've chosen to put her juice in, mind you this is the only clean cup at this moment. She is hopping up and down, and swinging her arm like an elephant trunk, she is pirouetting, her hands are on her hips. Shes is completely silent)

Husband: (exasperated) okay but DID you make a deal with SOMETHING while you were pregnant ? It's the only explanation I can come up with.

luckydreaming

Are fedoras really that bad?

YES YES THEY ARE

onceuponakhaleesi

voidethered:

ask-omnipony:

I don’t really believe this mumbo jumbo

I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

Right..?

The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

I wonder if this works with other kinds of hat…

Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Men of Tumblr are my favorite kind of people…

jamesbleach

wait, does that mean?

oh boy…….

usedtobehmc

Luckily, this nonsense doesn’t work on girls.

Observe…

rootbeergoddess-deactivated2017

IT’S GOTTEN BETTER!

coffeeandcursewords

This post is immaculate

mobians-and-chaos-blog

It can’t be true.

And it can’t possibly work on motorcycle helmets.

I must test it.

Nothing happening so far…

strampunch

HOLY SHIT IT WORKS

pokemon-chick-1personalblog-blog

What in the world?

Oh why not? This should be interesting.

Here we go!

Were all mad here in Underland!

What the hell! Never Again!

… Actually …

One more time.

combthecombel

Alright, I gotta try this!

Can’t be that bad!

….

…oh my god…

verityglasses

ask-gmodsfmrocks:

LOL

This just gets better and better

fairytail-angel

This is one of my favourite things to look at

strampunch

holy shit this stuff is back

livia-jones

The Gravity Falls one though

nightowlhowell

i wonder if it works for flower crowns?

here goes nothin-

w HAT THE

DID I JUST-

WHAT THE FUCK

artfulhobbes

Okay Clearly something is up.

Hmm… I wonder

I’m sure nothing could possibly…

HOLY SHIT

clolymoly-deactivated20190507

IT GOT BETTER

nukewolf

I HAVE BEEN SEARCHING SO LONG FOR THIS POST OH MY GOD!!!

cm8x-insanity

I wonder what happens when you wear 8 of these at once…

worldheritagepostorganization

World Heritage Post

joy-and-whimsy-official

Joy and whimsy detected! This post is joyful and whimsical!

#REALLY long post #love that

decapod-of-the-day

Decapod of the day: Cambarus hamulatus | Prickly Cave Crayfish

#ghost shrimp!!#ghost-y cave-y lil dude

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

decapod-of-the-day

Decapod of the day: Tozeuma carolinense | Arrow Shrimp

#sawdust shrimp..#звёздная опилка 🥺

wormsermonizer

🐺🦌

twofs

@rrrocketman love you 💛

#USSSS #my little deer <3 #🍊🌽

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