phil lester you're a genius

Do this for any company that asks you to review their employees always.

You wouldn’t believe the number of times I swear I get 4/5 star ratings at my job just because the way people think is “well 5/5 means perfect and nobody’s perfect, 4/5 is good!” The company I work for doesn’t understand this common mentality at all, and will let people go over not having consistent enough 5/5 ratings. Obviously they don’t inform the customers of that.

this also applies to your restaurant servers!!

Ah, to be a sleepy prison guard on the way to a chair by the cell of an adventurer… Maybe I will wear my oversize ring of keys extra loose tonight.. who knows what could happen if I were to uh… doze off.. ;)

tfw you read those first couple lines of a fic and your shoulders just relax because the writing is good and you know you can rest there for a while

good job everyone

How deep was that? Her whole body disappeared.

its the G A T E W A Y  T O  S A T A N S  L A I R

did i reblog this already? i don’t even know. fuck it, here you go.

dead. 

Where. Did. The. Body. GO?!

OMG LMFAO I CAN’T, I’M CRYING, THIS IS SO FUNNY. LMAO I’M SUCH A BAD PERSON HELP

Am I the only one that, seeing the “it’s the Gateway to Satan’s Lair” comment, images Satan just sitting on his throne of skulls chilling when suddenly this girl plops in from above and he goes “What the fuck?” while sipping his blood-of-the-innocents martini or…?

If you have depression and find yourself taking naps often due to chronic fatigue I just wanna remind you that you aren’t wasting time. You aren’t running out of time. You need rest, you need to catch up on the energy that you spend fighting your depression. It’s all gonna be okay. Life is long, you’re not wasting it by sleeping a little more often.

if they reference the betta as "our son" you will find me crying in a corner

Depression in summer is weird. It’s not dark and brooding, for me - it’s white and hazy and confusing. You feel very absent from everyone and everything and all the light seems a little too bright for your tired eyes.

#false nostalgia so intense it makes your skin itch

Reblog if you're a fanfic writer and you wanna know what your followers' favorite story of yours is ❤

And, of course: “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”

the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words.

I will reblog this every time I see it because these are some of my favorite sentences in the English language.