we does art

In July 2016 Pokemon Go was released and everyone rejoiced... except in Europe... “The Migrant Crisis” was just a cover-up for the REAL reason behind Brexit.  The British Men of Letters thought that by leaving Europe they could be safe... But no one is ever truely safe from... The Mimes...

Okay, I will straight up say this list will pretty much be Wendy and Bebe. I am sure the other girls have moments but those two are my home girls.

7. Bebe giving Stan advice on how to get Wendy back

Really? This scene? Yes. It’s a such a small, insignificant scene but I can’t help but love it for a few reasons. One is just Bebe’s reaction to Stan demanding she go talk to Wendy. She gives him nothing but an eye roll which gets a chuckle out of me because Stan is being dramatic. The advice she gives him is to stand outside Wendy’s window and play some Peter Gabriel and the following scene is him playing Shock The Monkey and I both find this funny as hell and just adorable. Another reason, I love this scene is it just adds proof to my head canon of Bebe being the group support system. She’s the one people go to when relationships go sour and offers suggestions and advice. She’s not afraid to tell someone they are being stupid and how to attempt to fix it. I know that might be a stretch from just that one scene but a lot more has been stretched from smaller scenes.  

6. Wendy going on Cartman’s show

I enjoy the gradual twist. She starts off perplexed and annoyed by the questions seemingly giving Cartman the upper hand and suddenly flips the switch. Cartman’s baffled expression while she’s rambling on about her story with the Smurfs is great. Kyle and Cartman may be the show’s ultimate rivals but Wendy knows how to play Cartman at how own game.

5. Wendy joining Fingerbang

I love that Wendy is able to be apart of both the group of boys and girls. Despite dating her, Stan doesn’t see her being a girl and his girlfriend as something separate from his friend. She helped Kyle get Ike back in Cartman Gets An Anal Probe, she doesn’t leave Stan for constant barfing on her, and when the boys want to start a band she takes no issue pretending to be a guy to join their boy band. Honestly, current day Wendy may have a slight issue perhaps believing they are ashamed of a woman but back then Wendy rolled with punches. Plus who can’t help but love her audition song.

4. Wendy and Bebe in The List

Yes, both girls. I think Wendy is pretty obvious in this one. Her and Stan playing detective to help get the real list and save Kyle strongly encourages for me the idea of how important the trios relationship is. We get Stan and Wendy back together and they’re my favorite canon pairing (sorry Creek) along with a callback of Stan barfing on her. Poor girl. As for Bebe, god damn I find it bad ass when she shows up gun in hand ready to kill anyone who stands in her way of shoes. She manipulated the system and tricked her best friend all for a cute pair of heels. Of course, I don’t believe killing your friend for shoes is awesome, duh.

3. Bebe in Bebe’s Boobs Destroy Society

Fuck I really related to Bebe in this episode. I have fairly large bust and it’s often starred at. I don’t care when I see a guy glance at my chest, I get it I have large boobs, but I meet quite a few dudes who just stare dumbfounded and it’s just slightly uncomfortable. I’m not one to bash a guy for having a natural urge of looking but okay you had you’re look now look away. Enough about me.

So yes, I related to Bebe a lot in this episode. I like that Trey and Matt had Bebe feel apprehensive and exasperated about the unwanted attention and sudden change from her fellow male classmates. She just wanted things to go back to normal meanwhile her girl friends were acting catty towards her. I think this episode is a great example of what it’s like to be a girl in high school. Girls are bitches. Plus, this episode adds to my head canon of Bebe being a lesbian.

2. Bebe in Clubhouses

Despite my head canon for Bebe being a lesbian, I do ship Bebe/Kyle and surprisingly that is the only hetro pairing I have for Kyle. I love Bebe in this whole episode and confused Kyle. If there is one thing I know about the fandom it’s the the agreement of Kyle’s sweet ass and we have Bebe to thank for brining that to our attention. Her letter to Kyle about his sweet ass which poor Stan ends up having to read to the class is a great moment. Also, the whole episode is really about Stan trying to get dared to kiss Wendy, and damn Bebe dares him to jam a stick up his pee-hole.

1. Principal Victoria and Wendy in Breast Show Ever

Bonus introduction: Warrior Stan

Okay, I was debating on including this one but decided because it’s not in the show series to exclude it. However, I do feel I have to mention it. Previous to playing Stick of Truth, Stan was my least favorite character. In fact, when making a top 10 character list, Stan wasn’t even considered. Then, while playing the game, I just fell in love with his character so much. I don’t know what moment of the game, maybe when he was yelling “my lord, my lord.” or his cut aways, or him and Sparky together, but I went back and watched the series (for the millionth time) and Stan went from being my least favorite to 3rd right behind Cartman and Kyle.

7. Stan’s alterego Toolshed

This isn’t exactly a specific moment in the show, but I need to include it. It fits so well into my head canon of Stan being a dumbass at times. Like seriously? What kind of super power is mental control over power tools? I just imagine the boys asking Stan if he could mind control over humans or any animals and he picks tools. The boys just stare at him like seriously dude? #dumbassstan

6. Stan not stopping Wendy from fighting

Okay, it’s such a minor scene but it’s one of my favorite moments in Stan and Wendy’s relationship. Wendy wants to fight Cartman and Stan doesn’t try and stop her. For me, it just showed how much Stan respected Wendy. He doesn’t see Wendy as some girl who needs protecting or saving. Wendy is a very self-sufficient, head strong, and independent character. Stan appreciates and understands this.

5. Stan wanting to give Kyle his kidney

While Stan has the ability to come off douchey and I do get a kick out of that, his biggest strength is his love for others and especially for Kyle. I adore Stan and Kyle’s friendship so much and the reason I don’t like shipping them together. Stan will go above and beyond for his super best friend and this moment in particular may have been one of the first and strongest to really show case that. Of course, we’ve gotten plenty more but this one will stand out the most.

4. Stan trying to get his period

Oh my little turd. I already talked about this one in my top 20 South Park episodes list. It’s just a hilarious episode. Get over it. The world has a chance to ask one question and #dumbassstan with his scruff and titties demands to know why he doesn’t have his period. 

3. Stan and his iPod nano

Fuck just this one line always has me cracking up.  I can’t even explain it. Maybe because you expect him to say can’t take back Kenny’s death, but no it’s about his damn nano. It’s just that simple. No wonder Shelley’s constantly calling him a turd. I’m always referring to Stan as my lovable little turd.

2. Stan in You’re Getting Old/Assburgers

God damnit Stan. Go and break my heart, why don’t you? This two parter and Stan in it just fucking kill me. There isn’t a specific moment that stands out for me, because both episodes together are amazing. It’s seeing this poor kid go through this internal suffering while dealing with what he sees as a shitty world and eventually learning from it. The episode deals with the termoil of growing up and dealing with life changing. I feel at some point in our lives we’ve all been Stan and all have felt like he did in these episodes.

1. Demon Stan 

This list was hard.  There are so many amazing episodes of South Park.  But choices must be made.  Here are my top 20 South Park Episodes.

20. Scott Tenorman Must Die

Everyone remembers when they got their first pubes right?  Cartman sure does and no one in town will ever forget.  As usual this was a defining moment for Cartman that proved he’s actually evil.  But that’s been talked about by a lot of people so I’ll stop now.

19. The Wacky Molestation Adventure

This episode makes a good point. To be honest I’m not even sure what the point is… Is it that maybe we are so worried about the evils of society that we will accuse anyone of just about anything?  Is it that we will do it for our own personal benefit?  Or is it that kids can be little shits sometimes? You decide.

18. My Future Self and Me

I love two scenes from this episode. The scene where Stan’s parents cut off the actor’s hand to try to keep the illusion, and the end scene with Cartman’s actual future self.

17. Child Abduction Is Not Funny

I’ve yelled “Goddamn Mongolians” enough times in my life that it deserves a place on the list.

16. Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset

I just love it when Matt and Trey rip apart a dumb celebrity.  This is one of their best.  I enjoyed it and given the look on his face I think Mr. Slave enjoyed it too.

15. World Wide Recorder Concert

So some of the best episodes of any show are those that you can relate to...  Boy oh boy I can relate to this one.  I came to the public schools after the age that they did recorders but my sister didn’t.  I had to listen to her play that damn thing all the time.  So annoying it sure made me wanna just go take a shit till it was over.

14. Lil’ Crime Stoppers

I love any episode where it starts with the boys playing or doing normal kid stuff and they morphs into something else.  This one delivers that in fine form.  The scene where they bust the meth lab is fucking funny as shit.

13. Fantastic Easter Special

The hare club for men…  So I remember the big controversy that happened when the Davinci Code came out.  In actuality it’s just a story someone made up and if you’re going to get upset at religious blasphemy might I introduce you to my good friend Supernatural, that all my very religious friends seem to love.

12. The Return of Chef

I love this episode cause it shows that even when South Park is directly struck at by an outside force. They don’t back down.

11. The Death Camp of Tolerance

Before there was season 19 and the rampage of PC Principal all across town there was this episode.  I would love a future episode where the concentration camp guy shows up and fights with PC Principal.  Over a decade before the rise of this very easily offended internet culture South Park was already making important statements about how sensitivity can get out of hand.  Proving that they have always kind of been ahead of their time.

10. D’Yikes

I loved 300.  I love parody.  This episode delivers both very effectively.

9. Cock Magic

When I was at community college there was a room where people would aggressively play magic the gathering and get really really into it.  I never really cared for the game but it was fun to see just how intense they got.  The only thing that would have been funnier is if someone had come in and done magic tricks with their dick.

8. Night of the Living Homeless

Again the best episodes are relatable. To give you an idea my girlfriend who does not like South Park at all… still refers to this episode whenever bums wander into resturaunts bothering us for money.  Sadly there’s usually way more homeless than I can jump on my skateboard so she relies on just going off on them.

7. Grey Dawn

Everyone’s driven behind old people, or stood in line behind them, or since this is Tumblr gotten frustrated with the way they vote or some shit right?  Well when one nearly runs me off the road this is the episode I think of.

6. Something Walmart This Way Comes

For some odd reason when I got to Walmart in real life I feel kind of trapped and like all I want to do is get out of there.  Thankfully this episode taught me how to bring those sons of a bitches down.

5. A History Channel Thanksgiving

At the time I was dating a girl who fully believed in the concept of Ancient Aliens.  This one made me laugh.  On another cool note the only time I’ve ever asked a question on a reddit AMA was from someone who had been interviewed on ancient aliens and I asked them how accurate they were.  I got a response.  Turns out it was pretty accurate.

4. I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining

If you haven’t watched “I shouldn’t be alive” check it out.  It’s actually pretty entertaining and a lot of the survival stories are really interesting

3. The Return of the Fellowship to of the Ring to the Two Towers

I love lord of the rings, I love parody, I love… pornography?  Wait what? Anyway before there was the black Friday trilogy there was this episode.  If it weren’t for this episode there might not have been Stick of Truth. Always worth a watch.

2. Black Friday Trilogy

This is the episode that made me actually watch Game of Thrones.  I also figure anything that I’ve dressed up as deserves a spot on the list.

1. Die Hippy Die

Holy crap. This list was hard. I feel I am leaving out a lot of great episodes, but in honor of South Park’s 20th season, here are my top 20 episodes: 

20. Damien

Rectus... dominus...

A classic episode from the first episode. I enjoy looking for Damien hidden in the backgrounds in episodes afterwards and hope Matt and Trey give him another speaking role. Damien's one of my favorite characters to see written or drawn in the fandom. Plus, this episode makes Dyle canon. The song that follows Damien clearly states ass master and we all know Kyle has the best ass. Dyle canon.

19. The List

All the cruel jokes and ridicule will finally be over! Are you happy now, God?! YOU made me look like this!

Awww Kyle. I can’t really pick a particular reason or scene that explains why I love this episode. I just do. It’s fun seeing the girls and yes list making is important! Stan and Wendy together is also nice. They’re my favorite heterosexual couple in the show and fandom wise. But dear Kyle, he’s just adorably torn and hurt in this. I want to hug him.

18. Sarcastaball 

Doctor: You know, I have a 50-year-old Alzheimer's patient out in the waiting room who can't even remember his family, but... let's forget about him and focus on how sarcastaball might be damaging people's brains. Randy: My son is out there playing that game! It's heartwarming to see you have such high regard for his safety! Doctor: Okay, well I've got a better idea. Let's get all the funding for cancer research and genetic diseases, let's, let's take all that money and make commercials that say "Hey America, sarcasm might not be such a great thing for your brain." Randy: Thank you, doctor. Thank you so much!

I remember watching this episode while my mom was eating and when Butters decides to save his cum for later she started choking on her food in shock. Both Butters and Randy in this episode make it for me. I loved how the whole episode is Randy being a sarcastic asshole but in the end Butters gets blamed for his “sarcasm".

17.  Ladder to Heaven 

Kyle: Man, I can't believe how much people want us to get our winning ticket back. Cartman: Candy-shopping sprees have that effect on people, Kyle.

Just the simple idea of the three boys just wanting candy and the whole town gathering around them crying and cheering them on, believing in something deeper and beautiful, kills me.

16.  200/201 

Eric Cartman. I've waited a long time for this.

Matt and Trey discussed doing a type of clip show of all the best South Park moments and this how you pull it off. I love the tie in to so many classic episodes. We finally find out who Cartman’s father is and fuck yes! I’ve mentioned in another list but the stylization of Scott’s Lair and the nod to The Killing Joke are one of my favorite moments in South Park.

15.  Cartman’s Incredible Gift

Here I am at the Alamo in San Antonio. This was just outside of the gift shop. Do you see?!

Just an enjoyable episode. The physic battle and “do you see” bit in particular always has me cracking me

14. Tweek x Craig

Son, you need to listen to me. You can't fight being gay. I used to think that being gay was a choice, but, you don't get to decide. Japan picks who they pick, and that's that. I don't understand this stuff. Heck, I didn't even know Don King got raped, but... I do know that if you try and resist it, you make yourself miserable your whole life. Everyone was so proud of you, Ah I was just being selfish. I wanna be proud of you too. I like gay Craig. I love you. Here's a hundred dollars. 

There’s a lot of reasons I love this episode. I am not a Creek shipper (love my Staig ship too much) but it was a great way for Trey and Matt to acknowledge that part of the fandom. Listening to them talk about how seeing yaoi art of their characters confused them but they loved it was great. I had to pick this episode simply based on the speech Thomas gives his son at the end. Plus, tons of Matt Stone voices are always a bonus for me.

13. Are You There God? It’s me, Jesus

“So this is the first meeting of our club for teens who have gotten their periods. We're supposed to talk about our periods. And boys. Let's talk about boys first. I think Craig is pretty cool, but I don't think Clyde is very cool.”

Kenny, Kyle, and Cartman in their goddess circle, Stan with titties, Stan demanding to God about his period, seeing God for the first time….how can I not love this episode

12. Stanley’s Cup 

Mr. Brown: Our little Nelson, he's... taken a turn for the worse, I'm afraid! His cancer is... real ba-a-a-ad. Stan: Ohhh. Mr. Brown: Yeah. Oh.

I know a lot of people rank this episode as least favorite. I have a dark and sick sense of humor because it cracks me up. The fact that the happy ending belonged to the other team the whole time is a kind of odd fucked up joke I enjoy. Also, when Nelson’s parents are breaking down I can’t help but laugh. No, I don’t find a kid dying of cancer funny but the way Nelson’s dad says “oh” and “No, I’m just his father. You’re his coach. You’re like father to him.” I laugh. Whatever. Many people find this episode in poor taste but I enjoy it. 

11. Best Friends Forever 

But his soul is still in here. Almost... trapped in here, if you will. Kenny is the same as he ever was. It's just that, now, he's more like ...a tomato.

This episode is a perfect example of what South Park is known for. They took the Terri Schiavo case and put in their two cents and fuck were they on the dot. Whenever I hear people say South Park is nothing but crude fart jokes, I bring up this episode as perfect example on social commentary and how they address current events. I also have a huge place in my heart for this episode because of my favorite fanfic Seven Candles (pssst go read)

10. Goth Kids 

Really? Shoot a plant?

I was surprised when I was narrowing down my list that I kept this one, but fuck it’s a good one. I can’t think of particular scene or reason I love it. It’s just an overall really enjoyable and funny episode. Okay, Poe demanding to be called Nightpain and the Twilight dude are probably my favorite moments.

9.  Lil’ Crime Stoppers 

Cartman: Guys, did you hear that? Butters doesn't know how you make semen come out of your body. Kyle: How... do you make semen come out? Cartman: I don't know. I was hoping you guys did. Stan: It's that thing we learned about in school where you pull on your wiener until white stuff comes out. Cartman: Really? Kyle: Ohh, right, you're supposed to pull and master-benate your wiener really fast.

My favorite episode where the boys are acting like kids. Often I forget they are just 9 and 10 year olds, but seeing them in the shoot out pretending to have guns is hilarious and adorable. Also, jewfro!

8. South Park Is Gay

We're here! [clap clap] We're not queer! [clap clap] But we're close! [clap clap] Get used to it!

So many reasons to love this one. Stan in that awful mesh shirt. Cartman announcing he’s a quarter bi. Crab people. Craig and his gang. Kyle standing up for himself. Mr. Slave crashing through the window. Crab people. Kyle “you’ll never turn me into a metrosexual! I like being a dirty filthily little boy!” Crab people.

7. I Should Have Never Gone Ziplining 

Kyle: How many iPod Nanos is friendship worth? I guess, one. Stan: The hardest part about it is knowing you can't take it back. I mean, it was the fifth-generation Nano, so I can't trade it in anywhere.

I’m soooooooo fucking bored! The actors they got for the boys are perfect. I know Kenny isn’t what he looks like in the show and I think that’s part of the joke, but damn he’s my favorite. His delivery of, “I don’t know. I don’t really give a shit,” I always laugh. Plus my Kyman heart can’t help but love Kyle sobbing on Cartman’s shoulder.

6. The Passion of the Jew 

But, I think it's best we don't talk out loud about it until we have most of them on the trains heading to the camps.

Again, might get hate because my sense of humor but Cartman cracks me up. I mentioned in my top Cartman moments but the animation of Cartman in this episode is one of my favorite things.

5. You’re Getting Old/Assburgers

Stan: I just want everything to go back to the way it was. Mr. Mackey: Okay, well, that's not gonna happen, Debbie. Okay, you know, uh life, life has to change, m'kay? Stan: How?... When all the things that made you laugh, just make you sick. How do you go on when nothing makes you happy?

How is it that an episode about a kid dying of cancer has me cracking up but an episode called Assburgers I’m fighting back tears. Jesus this episode breaks my heart. I love seeing Kyle and Cartman spending time together but fuck Stan ugh*tears*. South Park is show that has me cracking me but is also show with so much heart and this is why I love it. 

4. Woodland Critters Christmas 

Now cubs, do like they showed you. Hurry up fast! Get the Antichrist out of my friend Kyle's ass! 

Do I even really need to explain why I love this episode? I feel if I do it would give so much away. It’s perfect example of great story telling and comedy. The reveal of each new twist and joke is great. If for some reason you haven’t seen it, you need to now.

3. Coon Trilogy 

Use your power, son. Save Earth. Shablagoo!

Okay we were only allowed one trilogy to pick from. When I really thought about it, the decision wasn’t hard. The story, characters, jokes, stylization come together beautifully in this. I love when we get more of Kenny.

2. Child Abduction Isn’t Funny

Randy: Staaan. Your name... is Staaan! Stan: Uh huh, Stan Marsh. Randy: That's it! Remember, son! Rememmmber!

This episode actually has my favorite Randy moments of all time (the one above). Goddamn Mongolians. Quit breaking my shitty wall! I just love imagining Trey and Matt yelling that at the Great Wall. 

1. History Channel Thanksgiving 

Miles: What is wrong with Kyle of DeVry Institute? Stan: Aw, I think he's just kind of pissed off he was wrong about the whole ancient alien thing. Miles: He seems almost like a Puritan lady whose period hath stopped.

So I don’t really listen to a lot of music so this was probably the hardest list so that’s why it’s a little late, and as a result there’s probably going to be all few lyrical songs on here. Also for the sake of me being able to finish this list sound tracks count as songs too otherwise I’d be out of luck.

Also I will not be putting a description for any of these entries.  This is not because I am lazy but because of one of my key beliefs about music.  You are supposed to figure out the feeling for yourself.  That might be one of the reasons I don’t like many lyrical songs cause I feel like the words are trying to tell me what to feel.  Maybe pretentious maybe just me being weird but here goes my songs that moved me the most.

10 Into The West (Lord of the Rings: the Return of the King OST)

9 Sympathy for the Devil (The Rolling Stones)

8 Heeding the Call (Battlestar Galactica Season 3 OST)

7 This is Gallifrey, Our Childhood, Our Home (Doctor Who Series 3 OST)

6 No Handlebars (Flowbots)

5 Carry On My Wayward Son (Kansas)

4 Suicide Mission (Mass Effect 2 OST)

3 Apres Moi (Regina Spektor)

2 An End Once And For All (Mass Effect 3 OST)

1 I Can’t Decide (Scissor Sisters)

Ok so full disclosure.  This probably isn’t my favorite song but I’m gonna have to cop out on this list cause It’s an effing weeks late and I still can’t make up my mind so I thought I’d settle for a joke title.

So there’s this nature center by my house and it seems to be slowly getting taken over by this strange orange... stuff...

It seems to be latching onto the other plants and I assume acting in a parasitic way.

When there’s a lot of it it looks like a bunch of loose pasta.

It seems to be spreading...

10. Poker Face - Eric Cartman version

I wanna roll with him, a hard pair we will be.  I don't give a crap about whales, so go and hug a tree (I love it)

This song pumps me up. I dance around to it in private and public and it’s the only song I’ll sing out loud to in front of people sober. Whenever I am feeling down I just picture Trey Parker hitting the high note and I’m instantly happy. Another reason I love it is because it reminds me of my super best friends back in Illinois. 

9. Like A Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan

How does it feel, how does it feel? To be without a home Like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone

*Happy sigh* I adore this song. I just feel like shouting it from the rooftops. I use to blast it all the time when I lived back home, wishing I could know what it felt like to be on my own. Now I do and fuck being a complete unknown ain’t easy. This song will always have a special place in my heart. Also, I’ve lived in New York for two years and still have not done the Bob Dylan walking tour. What’s wrong with me. 

8. Between My Legs - Rufus Wainwright

Again, I'm afraid of one thing, Will I walk away from love knowing nothing, wearing my heart between my legs? But when I know you're naked, lying on the bed while I'm at the piano All I can say is I can't fake it

This one was hard (tee-hee) because I wanted to include another Rufus Wainwright song apart from the other choice on this list. I had so many choices because honestly, this list could have easily been called ‘Sam’s Top 10 Rufus Wainwright songs’. I went with this one because of the energy and when I saw him live the first time this song is the one I remember the audience having the most fun with. Also, whenever it comes up, I just want to jump up and scream about how great life is.

7. Glósóli - Sigur Rós 

Nú vaknar þú Allt virðist vera breytt Ég gægist út En ég sé ekki neit

Now you are waking up Everything seems different I look around But I see nothing at all

I love, love, love the build in this song. When you think it’s finished building up, it gets stronger. Mike and I are working on a Stick of Truth series, and I actually came up with the whole plot for the first story just by listening to this song. When friends ask what’s the tone of our story, I’m usually just like here listen to this song. 

6. Happy Ending - Mika 

This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending. No hope, no love, no glory, No happy ending.

Okay, I actually went back and changed this one. I originally had Love Today, but after Happy Ending came on randomly and hearing the passionate and hopeless emotion in his voice and words I had to pick it. I just love when he goes “hey...hey...hey...HEY!” 

5. In The Cold Light of Morning - Placebo

In the cold light of morning You're drunk sick from whoring and high Staring back from the mirrors A face that you don't recognize

Fuck, fuck, fuck! This one was super fucking hard and I’m not even 100% because I love so many Placebo songs equally. I actually have a Placebo tattoo and love it. I went with this one because I get lost in my thoughts when listening to it and I think this is my favorite album of theirs. Placebo is my favorite band and it’s nearly impossible for me to pick a favorite of theirs. Also this song is my Staig (Stan/Craig) song.

4. Us - Regina Spektor 

They made a statue of us And it put it on a mountain top Now tourists come and stare at us Blow bubbles with their gum Take photographs have fun, have fun

I fucking love this song and the music video is probably in my top 3 favorite. I saw it freshmen year of high school (12 years ago....) and remember running to my mom yelling “I am going to edit a video like this one day! This is what I am going to do!” Guess what? A few months ago, I actually got to work with the editor who edited this music video. I had no idea until I saw her reel and literally busted into the room to gush about how wonderful it was. This song perfectly showcases how quirky Regina’s music is and how beautiful her voice is. 

3. Push - Sia (written by Trey Parker)

Feeling good on a Wednesday The image of me that you see is distorted, twisted, broken, fractured, isolated miles out to sea I don't want a separate place I need to feel safe not thrown away away away away And I will push (push) to tear down the walls

This song became my anthem when I first moved to New York. I don’t know why but it just energized me. It’s a strange blend of heart, humor and just fucking well written music and Sia sounds amazing. It also introduced me to Sia who is now one of my favorite singers and solidified my admiration for Trey Parker as a musician.  

2. Skinny Love - Bon Iver 

I told you to be patient I told you to be fine I told you to be balanced I told you to be kind

The only song of his I like, but I don’t just like this song, I fucking love it! I love songs where you can hear the raw emotion in their voice. I really feel his desperation and heart break. It sounds like he’s about to break down during the song and I dig that. Sorry, but Birdy’s version bores that shit out of me. 

1. Greek Song - Rufus Wainwright  ( or live) 

all the pearls of china fade astride a volta don't sew bee-lines to anybody's hide save your poison for a lover who is on your side My song. I don’t even think just saying favorite song is enough to give justice on how much I love and need this song. This song is my soulmate. Listening to Rufus Wainwright and especially Greek Song is like a friend and soulmate whispering that life is going to be okay and that lifts me up. This is the song I play on my birthday, when the new year changes, when life is shit and when it’s wonderful. It’s the song I’ll play at my wedding and funeral. It’s been my favorite since I was 14 and thirteen years later that hasn’t changed. 

So Pokemon Go has been out for a few days.  I think that it’s accomplished everything I wanted it to be.  I was worried that it would be just a re-skin of ingress

Pictured: A “cannon” made with ingress fields.

In some ways it is.  It’s made by the same company and the “portals” from that game are at the same locations as “pokestops” and “gyms” but the big difference is the Pokemon themselves seem to wander.  It’s kind of fun to walk around and try to hunt for the rare ones or give the common ones you catch unique names.

“Team Rocket is a boil, and lancing a boil is never pleasant” - The High Spearow, probably.

or

“All sinners are equal before the elite four” - The High Spearow, probably.

I guess the game has “teams”  which I don’t really care for.  I think they should have made the game like the original games where you could just battle anyone.  I wound up picking red team though cause my sister begged me to be on the same team as her.  I wanted to do yellow cause Zapdos is the mascot for that team and that’s my favorite Pokemon ever. If they ever have the option to switch teams I’m gonna switch.  The team logos all look pretty cool though.  I like my team’s logo cause it kind of looks like it’s from hunger games.

I am the mockingjay kakaw!

Anyways I guess people were using the game to somehow lure people into being robbed.  My sister told me about it and to be careful (which is good advice you should pay attention to your surroundings.  I later told her that I got a picture of the robbers... She was less than impressed with the picture I sent her:

You came to the wrong neighborhood mother f***er

So it has been brought to my attention that ships actually means the romantic relationships between characters... So a part of fandoms and stories that I don’t tend to focus on is, surprise surprise, shipping.  This list was kind of hard to finish for me but here’s the ships I ship I suppose.  Also I think I’m gonna catch some hate for some of these...

 10 Jim Halpert and Karen Fillipelli (The Office US)

Okay yes yes yes I know that Jim and Pam were designed as the OTP for this show… but I liked Karen better.  Pam seemed unsure and wishy washy for what like 4 or 5 seasons (a season translates into a year)  I know I’m not going to stay there pinning after some girl that can’t make up her mind for 4 or 5 years and is engaged to another guy anyway. Karen on the other hand, much more self-confident and takes what she wants, way way way more sexy.  Also Jim became a kind of a douche and the interactions between him and some of his co-workers became more mean spirited and antagonistic after that too.  Maybe it had to do with the show running for too long but it was better when it was Jim and Karen.

 9 Phil and Gloria (Modern Family)

So after the rant this one is short sweet and to the point.  Phil is my favorite Modern Family character, Clair is kind of mean to him sometimes, and he has the hots for Gloria.  Jay kind of dislikes Phil anyways so give Phil and break plus he’d probably understand Manny better.

 8 Fitz and ANYONE BUT SIMMONS (Marvel’s Agents of Shield) – Disclaimer: I know I am going to catch A. Ton. Of. Hate. For. This.

I hate hate hate Fitz and Simmons together!  Please before you hurt me let me explain myself.  Okay so I really dislike the trope of guy (or girl) is head over heels for their opposite gender best friend but first he has to put up with her ignoring him and going for some other guy over and over.  Then the ignored friend just sits there being non-threatening or assertive enough and eventually she comes around and realizes that her perfect match was him all along.  So like there used to be this whole thing a few years ago about how Twilight teaches girls unhealthy relationship ideas.  This trope is that for teenage boys.  It doesn’t work that way in real life and you’re going to waste a bunch of time and go through a bunch of teenage angst.  I’ve been there, other dudes I know have been there.  It sucks and crap like this just reinforces that behavior and it needs to stop.  As for who Fitz should wind up with.  I don’t know it could be May or Daisy or even Director Coulson if they both are feeling it, just not Simmons.

 7 Mickey Smith and Martha Jones (Doctor Who)

I know a lot of people disliked this one because of “oh they paired the spares” or “oh they just stuck the two black characters together” etc.  Here’s the reason I defend these two being together.  These two are probably the only two characters (besides Capt. Jack Harkness who at the time was mourning over the loss of his partner) who would understand each other.  They have both fought in multiple interstellar and interdimensional wars and you know might have PTSD or flashbacks sometimes about this.  Here’s how the scene would have played out had they married some normal person.

Martha/Mickey: wakes up next to normal spouse from scary dream: “Ahhh!”

Spouse: wakes up “Honey what’s wrong?”

Martha/Mickey:  “It’s awful I was dreaming about this time me and my friends were in this place and the (daleks or Master) did this thing where they tried to take over the world and wipe out humanity and we had to travel through time and stop them and and and.

Souse: “It’s ok honey everything is gonna be ok.”

Next shot is door to room in psychiatric hospital closing on Mickey or Martha.

 6 April Ludgate and Andy Dwyer (Parks and Recreation)

These two are adorable together. Their relationship makes each of them better.  April becomes less creepy enough to start being likable and Andy actually gets some direction in life to accomplish something (even if that something is being a host of a local public access kids show).  The point is any good relationship should improve your quality of life and this one does big time for both of them.

 5 Deadpool and Vanessa (Deadpool)

So a lot of time with the super hero movies there’s one problem I have.  It’s always “oh we hired this gorgeous woman for the female lead / love interest but the lead actor and her have almost no believable chemistry. This movie doesn’t have this problem. The chemistry between Wade Wilson and Vanessa feels so real.  You actually feel their happiness while their together and their sadness when he is diagnosed with cancer.  That last moment when they’re reunited is funny yet actually sweet cause no matter what he looks like she still cares for him.  This is a great subversion of the “oh I’m so ugly (played by perfect 10 actor) but this person saw through that and loves me for me” cliche.  He is horribly disfigured but she still loved him. It’s sweet, it feels real, and I like them together.

 4 Garrus and Tali (Mass Effect 3)

This is a minor ship but I like it for what it represents.  I like the fact that it shows that these characters have lives outside of just interacting with the player’s character.  Mass Effect was always good at making the universe feel real and this is another great example of it.  I also like the fact that the two of them are equals in their relationship and in life. It also had a nice bit of foreshadowing in the Citadel DLC when Tali is talking about her favorite movie, featuring a romance between their two people, feels weird that she is so keen on that idea but then winds up with Shepard if you choose her for the romance option.  Lastly the interaction when you walk in on them talking is really sweet.

 3 Rose Tyler and the Doctor (Doctor Who)

Go watch Doomsday!  If you don’t cry you either have no soul or you are an Amy Pond fan.  Either way get back heathen I don’t want your kind here.

 2 Teyla Emmagan and John Shepard (Stargate Atlantis)

This is one of the reasons why I so wish there had been a season 6 or wrap up movie for this series.  This pairing was going to become official. The scenes in season 4 where Teyla tells John that she’s pregnant he looks half wondering if it might be his and half hurt that it was with someone else.  The real father by comparison always looked like the most cardboard actor ever.  Also this backs up my argument about Mickey and Martha earlier.  She was with some normal person and look at that they were going to have a falling out.

 1 Jack O’neill and Samantha Carter (Stargate SG1)

Fuck Yeah!  I’ve been waiting for this for so long!  I just love ships!  Everything about them they are some of my favorite parts of many different movies, shows, books, video games, and general things that happen!  Without further rambling here are my all-time top ten favorite ships!

 10.  The Destiny (Stargate Universe)

I could rant for hours about the things that this show did wrong botching the ideas it had.  One thing they did do right though was how the ship looked.  The Destiny looked bad ass.  The idea of having the ship be solar powered (literally it flew through the corona of stars to refuel) was cool too.  What more can be said other than the ship was built to last and find out what was at the edge of the universe doesn’t get more interesting a purpose for a ship than that.

 9. Imperial Super Star Destroyer (Star Wars)

Star Wars has many many many cool looking ships.  This one would be my favorite out of them.  The shadow it casts over the regular star destroyers before it is revealed makes you go “what is that?”  Only reason it ranks so low on the list is you really don’t ever get a good look at how it does vs a similarly sized ship.  Most of the action in Return of the Jedi is focused around Luke vs Vader (as it should be) but as a result you don’t get as much amazing ship vs ship combat starring this ship.

 8. HMS Beagle (Real Life)

What so you thought this was all going to be just space ships?  Naw. The Beagle is the ship that Charles Darwin sailed around the world studying animals and helping to further our understanding of biology by visiting the Galapagos Islands.  Sailing around the world, drawing animals and seeing giant turtles, sounds like a good ship to me.

 7.  Space Shuttle (Real Life)

It’s a real life space ship.  It actually took people to space.  What’s not to love?

 6.  The Starship Enterprise (Any Star Trek)

This is the classic TV star ship. In its many versions it is home to Captains Kirk, Picard, and Archer among others (I liked Enterprise, Trek party foul I know).  The mission to explore strange new worlds and seek out new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before.  In a day and age where every movie and show has to be more grounded in reality and have a darker more serious tone it’s fun to go back to a time where science fiction could tell an epic story while still being hopeful, where it could tell a story with social commentary without being heavy handed and downright obnoxious,  I wasn’t the biggest star trek fan but I hope that the new movie and show will be good cause I miss it.

 5.  The TARDIS (Doctor Who)

Carries the Doctor through space and time to fight all manner of monsters, aliens, and other such space bad guys.  What’s that Tumblr?  Doctor Who isn’t supreme?  Well in my defense 95% of the episodes generally have nothing to actually do with the TARDIS after the Doctor and companion walk out the doors to start their adventures so it’s not actually on screen as much as you’d think and we don’t know its full capabilities.

 4.  The Battlestar Galactica (Battlestar Galactica 2000’s series)

The Galactica lead the fleet of refugees from the 12 colonies after they were bombed by the Cylons.  The Galactica was home to the best crew in the entire remaining fleet commanded by Admiral William Adama.  After leading humanity to Earth the Galactica was beyond repair and was flung into the sun a badass end for a badass ship that took a fracking beating and kept on going.  

 3.  Atlantis (Stargate Atlantis)

Built by the Ancients in the Milky Way, flown to the Pegasus Galaxy where they came under siege by the wraith, and flown back to Earth by the Atlantis Expedition in the present day. This city ship is amazing.  It was so amazing that an entire TV show revolved around it.  This ship’s shields were strong enough to survive the brunt of the replicators’ beam weapon.  This ship’s ancient control chair could fire enough drones to take down the wraith super hive ship.  Atlantis was just all around amazing.  Plus it gets a special place on the list because I actually visited the set of this show so I can say I have been to the lost city of Atlantis… how many people can say that?

 2.  Normandy SR2 (Mass Effect)

This ship commanded by Commander Shepard was earth’s flagship recon and special operations ship during the invasion into the Galaxy by the Reapers.  With a diverse crew or colorful characters, amazing weapons able to be upgraded to handle nearly anything thrown at it, and captained by the man who would save the galaxy from the reapers and Cerberus, the Normandy SR2 ears it’s place at #2 on the list.

 1.  The Black Pearl (POTC)

10. Kenny/Shelly (South Park)

Honestly, this isn’t one of my top favorite South Park ships, but I wanted to include it as one my favorite fanon and odd ships. Also, this is the only heterosexual Kenny pairing I ship. Otherwise I am usually pairing Kenny with Kyle, Craig, and sometimes Stan. I love the trope of a friend falling for their friend’s sister. I also have the head canon that Shelly will become a total babe like her mom. After college, Kenny and Shelly will have their Chandler and Monica type moment but unlike Ross Stan will beat the crap out of Kenny. It’ll take Kyle, Cartman, and Butters holding him down and Kenny and Shelly begging him to understanding it’s not just a fling. I also love this because of the overprotective brother trope. We get it all the time with Kenny and Kyle. Why not with Stan too?

9. Jenna/Paul (30 Rock)

This was one was actually tough to choose because Tracy/Angie and Liz/Criss were also great candidates, but I had to go with Jenna/Paul. They gave use more great moments and showed us love is weird, and sometimes gross. Who knew the couple that met while he was impersonating her and gets off on normaling would be the strongest pairing.

One of my favorite scenes that show how perfect they are. We’re two black swans!

8. Ten/Rose (Doctor Who)

Oh my god these two. I stopped watching Doctor Who awhile back, but Ten/Rose still remains one of my favorite pairings. They’re just fucking adorable together. It’s like watching two best friends together and I’m just screaming kiss already.

I still tear up watching Doomsday and even though some like to say River is the Doctor’s true love…no, never. Rose was. The relationship with River Song was forced, but with Rose it felt natural. I remember when the season two finale was on it fell on the day of some sports game, so I had to watch it on our smaller TV. After the episode ended, I was in tears and came downstairs and found that rather than watching whatever game was on my dad was watching the finale as well. He turned to me and went “what is this bullshit!? Rose is gone! She can’t be?! Her and the Doctor are meant to be together? Rose can’t be gone!” My dad hates sci-fi shows and could give two shits about relationships in TV shows, so to see him worked up about it was something else.

7. Remus/Sirius (Harry Potter)

Artist 

Honestly, I still have a hard time remembering these two are fanon and not canon. I read the third book around the same time I started going online and discovering the world of fandom. So much Sirius/Remus fan-art and fan-fiction that I just assumed they were a couple. I knew that sometimes with literature we don’t always catch something at first and being 12 I wasn’t surprised I didn’t realize the two were gay. I went ahead, thinking Sirius and Remus were in a relationship, from book 3 to end of book 6. When Tonks had her outburst, my first thought was “well that’s not going to work, he’s gay.”

Yeah, it was a bit of take back when I learned Remus wasn’t. I don’t know if Rowling ever confirmed Sirius sexuality.

6. Ron/Hermione (Harry Potter)

If anyone doubted these two were going to end up together, you need to check yourself. And I’m sorry Rowling, but I think you’ve been infected by the Steve Kloves effect. Movie Hermione and Harry, yeah maybe, but book Harry and Hermione god no! Ron and Hermione were the couple that you knew the moment they started bickering they were going to end up together and of course Rowling saved them for the very last.

5. Lily/Marshall (How I Met Your Mother)

They are the only reason I don’t hate this show with the fiery passion. Hey I have still 7 years left to be pissed. Anyways, Lily and Marshall together warms my heart. Their wedding is one of my favorites in TV.

I think of all the great Lily and Marshall moments my favorite is when Marshall learns about all the debt Lily is in and he says “When I married you, I married your problems, too. The ones I knew about and the ones I didn’t. That was the deal.” It’s such a simple moment but it’s just always been my favorite of theirs. It isn’t grand but it speaks to what love is. Being by someone no matter what skeleton (or countless Prada shoes) you find in their closest. 

They stand by each other and despite troubled moments push through and support the other. 

4. High Jew Elf/Warrior Stan (South Park: Stick of Truth)

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When I first joined the South Park fandom, I tried getting onboard the Style ship, but it bored me so much. I love Stan and Kyle as super best friends. There for each other, willing to do whatever for the other and without there needing to be a romantic element involved. Kyle and Stan are package deal and whoever the other dates will know this.

However, when I played Stick of Truth and Stan played Kyle’s loyal ranger and called him his Lord my heart melted. Instantly, I was like “okay, I can get on board the Style ship in this game.” They are just too fucking cute together. I am working on a AU Stick of Truth series with Michael and Stan/Kyle are the main pairing.

3. Monica/Chandler (F.R.I.E.N.D.S.)

I often compare Monica and Chandler to Marshall and Lily but I have to give higher props to these two because we got to see them develop into their relationship. We got to see how they completed each other and fit well, whereas Lily and Marshall we just had to accept them as a packaged deal. Also, I like that they don’t believe in soulmates or there’s only one perfect person for everyone as I don’t either. 

2. Kyle/Cartman (South Park)

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I don’t know. I just love them so much. I enjoy their dynamic on the show and I love seeing Cartman bringing out the hot-heated and fiery Jew in Kyle. Stan, Kenny, and the other boys can easily ignore Cartman’s stupid antics but Kyle can’t and won’t. Also, Kyle brings out Cartman’s ambitious and hard working side even if it’s just to get at Kyle. 

I could go, but I know antis of the ship are just going to scoff and declare I am horrible for loving them. Whatever they’re fun together. Whether it’s romantic pairing or just them together as friend-ish I love it. 

1. Harry/Ginny (Harry Potter) 

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My OTP. The ship I set sail with at 12 and arrived proudly in canon land at 16. This is the pairing I shipped before I even knew what shipping. I still remember reading the first Harry Potter book and when Ginny character’s was introduced thinking “pretty sure Harry will end up with her.” Why I thought this, and at the age of 12, I don’t know, but it never faltered. Even when Cho came into the picture or Luna or no matter the countless adventures with Hermione, I just always knew that that meet on the train platform meant something. When the sixth book came out, you best believe I screamed with delight. They’re my absolute favorite ship and a pairing I will always love.

I realized I really do love the guy falling for his best friend’s sister trope. 

So me and a friend were talking about Kingdom Hearts today and came up with the most screwed up possible levels/worlds they could add in since Disney technically owns these properties.

LOST You land your ship on a tropical paradise.  You Donald and goofy are enjoying the beach when a big Mexican guy runs out of the trees and shoves you aside while yelling “The numbers are bad!  We can’t open that hatch!”  Bam LOST!

National Treasure Nic Cage joins the team for this level and follows you around being all Nic Cagey

Castle I’ll write down a way for you to defeat the heartless if you help me win the heart of my attractive cop partner

Modern Family Sofia Vergara follows you around yelling JAYYYYYYY JAAAAAYYYYYYYY JAAAAYYYYYYYYY the entire level

*side note: Sofia Vergara is a gorgeous woman and can yell whatever she wants.

Duck Dynasty Horror survival level similar to Slender where you play as Donald and instead of Slenderman bearded rednecks are chasing you around.

Ancient aliens You meet the aliens guy

He just keeps saying “Sora theres an explanation for all of this *camera zooms in* ‘aliens!”

He also meets Stich and loses his shit

Storage Wars One of the storage wars guys turns into a heartless and locks you in a storage locker.  That’s it you can’t get out they forgot to finish making the level.

Hannah Montana Starts off as Hannah Montana but then she gets turned into a heartless and the current Miley Cyrus comes out and starts twerking.

Posting in honor of a certain release.

Awhile back, my friends requested a Kyman or a K2 story, but they failed to realize it was the first of a certain month *cough* April *cough*. So while we were drinking, I typed this “beauty” up and Greg, our usual narrator, read it.

The Master

Summary: Kyle’s life is rather dull.  Rated: NC-17  Kyle/?

View from my driveway this afternoon.