recently rediscovered a zest for life and it has me thinking the most asinine thoughts. i used to stare at the ceiling agonizing over my insignificance in the universe and now i’m like “the creamer looks so pretty going into the coffee.” “isn’t it amazing i can listen to all the music ever made anywhere i want at any time.” pathetic.

my doctor told me i have to do PT this fucking sucks

these exercises are sooo monotonous like i keep walking down the same hallway over and over 🙄

who was that.

the fucking fetus in the sink won't accept my insurance

the sunk cost fallacy has been my favorite fallacy for as long as I can remember. so at this point it's probably too late to pick a different one

HOT AUTISTIC ADULTS IN YOUR AREA ARE UNSURE IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO THEM...CLICK HERE TO ESTABLISH CLEAR INTENT

I can't believe it's this late on Thanksgiving and I haven't seen Peter Parker had to beat an old lady with a stick to get these cranberries.

Ollie just leapt off of the back of a chair onto my kitchen table to land on the tablecloth and do a cinematically perfect Akira slide across the surface and into my bowl of soup

it’s october 1st so he’s making the rounds again ✨

SIXTY FIVE THIRTY FIVE IM DYING

Honestly he's right