tuli

Tony: Oh? Like...

Harley: Romantically you buffon. Get with the program, everyone's gay now

Tony: That's not what I meant but okay. I just thought you guys didn't get along

Harley: Why on Earth would you think that?

— *Ten minutes earlier* —

Peter: Mr. Stark I think Harley hates me

Tony: I'm sure he just—

Peter: He keeps calling me mean names, and punching me in the shoulder, and making fun of me for being clumsy or ugly or just tying my shoes weird. I think he's homophobic too, he keeps saying "what are you, gay?" in this aggressive tone

— *Present time* —

Harley: It's called flirting! Being mean is my love language

Tony: Okay well TELL HIM THAT. I can't stand his sad little puppy dog eyes whenever you enter the room

Harley: But then he'll know I like him...

Reading crimson rivers is like falling of a cliff but then have a soft landing.

Reading all the young dudes is like slipping of a cliff and finally finding something to hold on, but you know that you will fall soon.

Regulus: Okay.

James: And make out during the scary parts.

Regulus: Th-

Regulus: The scary parts.

how do u think each marauders would react to someone asking them to sign their boob LMAO

LMFAO ok i got this. mostly because i’ve absolutely considered this reality

sirius: pleased as fucking punch, signs across both tits with a flourish. compliments her after saying he almost wishes he had a pair of his own

remus: blacks out and comes to with his name scribbled across that poor girl’s chest in chicken scratch

james: “i have a girlfriend” (alternatively; “you’re not gonna get this tattooed, yeah? promise me.”)

every three months he'll post and in the author's note there's some shit like "sorry this took a while, i got shot seven times :/" or "i know it's been a minute, i literally got hit by a bus and then stabbed in the leg, but i'm all good!" or sometimes ned would log in and post with a note "hey i'm a friend posting on the author's behalf, they're healing from severe hypothermia but promised an update, so here it is!"

and the fic just gets increasingly more popular for the author notes alone. a good handful of the comments are something along the lines of "i'm not even in the star wars fandom, i'm just here to see if the author is good" or "every update i cheer for another day the author gets to live at this point"

and any reader who is a native new yorker kind of pieces together that holy shit the author might be spider-man because the timeline adds up, and they just fully embrace it. spider-man will stop a robbery and the guy behind the counter will ask when the next chapter will be up. spider-man returns a stolen backpack to a girl and she'll tell him that he "really got poe's voice down so well, it's really impressive."

ned thinks it is hilarious. mj finds out about the fic from twitter, to peter's absolute horror, and changes peter's contact name to "friendly neighborhood ao3 author". but the worst thing to happen is after an avengers battle where peter took a pretty big hit and ends up in med-bay. and during a press conference, when someone asks how spider-man is healing, tony just drops "spidey won't be down for too long. the star wars fic will be updated within the week, probably."