Betty: Ew Jughead do you let that thing on your bed?

Jughead: She's just a cat. Besides, doesn't Bingo lay on your bed?

Betty: That's different.

Jughead: Wooooowww. So just because-

Betty: IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOUR CAT IS GAY.

Cann Arson the cat, speaking to Jughead telepathically: THE TIME QUICKLY APPROACHES WE MUST REVIEW THE TOMES OR ALL IS LOST

Jughead: Bets, that is not what I was going to say.

and the next day tabitha is like Did cheryl actually turn into a cow last night or did i dream that and jughead is like Yeah or is that a movie we watched and then they get a call from betty who's like Guys i think cheryl is a cow now and she's on a rampage. and they rush to find cheryl who is eating all the grass in town and they're like We have to stop her or riverdale will lose its precious rivergrass. so they call archie and jughead makes him dress up as a toreador and wave a red cape at her which enrages cow!cheryl because she owns the color red and she merely loans it to archie's hair out of the goodness of her heart but now he is flaunting it so she charges at him and he uses a pitchfork to knock the cowbell off of her and she turns back into a human. and she tearfully awakens and hugs archie and says Thank you archiekins you saved me from my bovine fate just like my jj would have done. and veronica says I don't understand why did christine bior send you a cowbell that makes you turn into a cow. and betty says Actually it turns out the package wasn't from christine bior it was from cowstine bior. and everyone's like Cowstine bior?! and just then nana rose enters the room and says Oh is that the cowstine bior cowbell i ordered? I was wondering where that got to and cheryl says Nana rose you ordered this? For why? and nana rose says For the maple syrup cow of course and archie says The maple syrup cow? and nana rose says Yes child did you really think our special blossom maple syrup came just from trees? We infuse the sap with the maple milk from the maple syrup cow. I ordered that cowbell just for her and cheryl says But the package said it was for cheryl blossom and nana rose says That's because the maple syrup cow's name is cheryl blossom. and toni says Why is the cow named cheryl blossom and cheryl says Dearest tt don't ask silly questions.....for what other name could the cow that enhances our maple syrup so be blessed with? and everyone is like True enough. and then there's a knock at the door and it's the mailman and the mailman says Delivery for cheryl blossom and it's the same packaging as before and cheryl looks inside and says How delightsome! My very own christine bior nose ring! and everyone says Cheryl NO and lunges to stop her from putting it on.