Tarì

I’ve randomly decided to start blogging my thoughts, feelings… ect. Poetry is normally my go to, but at this current time in my life, it’s not working out. Don’t get me wrong, it will always be my 1st love… I just want to say more… and not in a poetic manor. I also think there are a lot of other folks out here that can relate. Maybe. - So, why not sit still once or twice a week and just write… write whatever my heart feels. I could be talking to thousands of people or nobody at all, but who cares? 

Today, I want to talk about LOVE, and accountability. I know… I know, I let that same sigh out with a heavy ass eye-roll. I guess… I guess I just don’t understand at times. I LOVE love, but for the life of me I can’t seem to figure out why LOVE doesn’t love me. No…  don’t do that… don’t leave, please come back. This isn’t some depressing ass blog or a cry for help, I’m legit just spilling my thoughts. It might get sad, but I promise you there’s a silver lining. There’s always a silver lining. <3 

So, when I say “love doesn’t love me”, maybe I’m talking about the countless relationships (platonic & romantic) that didn’t work. But, I’ve learned something. I have learned that I, Alexandria has toxic ways. Now wait a damn minutes, you ain’t about to judge me, okay? I’m HEAR to say that everyone, including yourself has a little toxic in them. Just like that one saying “everyone can be a little crazy”. Now, you can be at a point in your life where you aren’t as toxic. & I greatly applaud you for that. I applaud you for growing, for healing & for understanding… cause well, that is the 1st step. Accountability. Not a lot of folks can admit when they are wrong, let alone admit when they are accountable. Trust me, I was one of them. It took me a good while before realizing - BITCH YOU REALLY NEED TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER! 

It was a little over a year ago, when I first realized how toxic I can be. I was rolling around in the front yard of my ex’s place, tussling with her. All because she hurt me, because she cheated, because she lied & continued to fucking lie. & for the longest, I used that as an excuse to go off on her. I used it as an excuse to HURT her. I said mean things to her, things I didn’t mean & I watched my life spiral out of control. & you should NEVER allow somebody to have such an impact on how you react to things. 

We have got to start worrying about ourselves, and not others. What do I mean by this? Well, what John does… shouldn’t be any of my concern. I just need to make sure I’m doing my part and being a decent human being. I can’t blame John for being as ass, that’s him. We often blame everyone else. “Well, he cheated on me so-” so nothing. LOOK… we have got to get to a place where we cry, but we walk away. We accept & we heal. — Our own thoughts is what causes us to react the way we do. & to be honest, it’s a lot of unhealed trauma as well. “But they didn’t have to treat me like that” - STOP! Sorry, just practicing for myself… you know, trying to knock those excuses that are not justified, out of my head. 

It’s time we really fall in love with ourselves. It’s time we HEAL from our childhood trauma. – Hell, it’s time we heal from all trauma… cause baby, love is going to come & it’s going to be so fucking beautiful. Just trust the process. 

until next time…  LOVE & LIGHT

it's the generalized conditioning which conditions itself:: an impulse compounded

like, people who decide to privatize water would be laughed off, chased away, or mocked otherwise, rendered inert, not encouraged

or allowed to be embolded by circumstance

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it's the lack of that

like, overriding and accepting one's own self, subsuming it to the greater whole and accepting that other

Then again, the “problem” you’re talking about certainly isn’t a force of nature. It’s a human creation that can be dismantled... But it’s a folly to think that dichotomy means anything: that humans are apart from nature (let alone beyond it.) Still, one can only get so far comparing people to meteorological phenomena.

Back to cycles and repetition: the system encourages individuals to behave a certain way, rewarding them for it, and individuals participating in that behavior validate, perpetuate, and strengthen the system, allowing for more enticing rewards. But the “system” is not only the corporations and government: its those close to us who believe the best way to live is by falling in line. It’s a web of social connections link the individual to all of the other systems.

Perhaps the “lack” is not cutting the strings of this web. Or that the strings are nearly invisible, so one can hardly know that there’s anything to cut. Or even that one is in the web at all. This invisibility is why its so easy to get caught up in, to become entangled in. It’s difficult to tell if one is free from it even after trying to cut free of it. It’s difficult to not get caught up in it again even if one was free.

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that's the problem; that there's something to fall in line to

that that is even a possibility to begin with! that very simple presupposition that automatically forecloses other options! how fundamental it is for ~~all of this~~

it dictates even how we approach it and describe it

How clever!

please take a moment to really appreciate the argument of why "most cops don't live in the cities they oversee" needs to be addressed

Yusuf Abdul-Qadir: what percent of the police live in the city?

mayor: about 5% or so

Yusuf Abdul-Qadir: 5%, so 95% don’t live in the city.

mayor: yes.

Yusuf Abdul-Qadir: so when you say that the vast majority of the percentage goes towards salaries, et cetera, fringe benefits, that means that they take their money on 81, go to outside the city, pay taxes in those communities that have some of the best schools while we have an underfunded school district--

someone else: $60 million up.

Yusuf Abdul-Qadir: so i just want to put into context what we’re talking about, because it’s really easy to say, mayor-- and with all due respect, i like you. but that was a very politician answer.

mayor: sorry, what specifically?

Yusuf Abdul-Qadir: the, “we will consider, and we will look.” what we’re saying is we’re not interested in considering and looking. what we’re saying is, actually, there’s $50 million. commit to $20 million cut, because we’re sending money-- as the mayor of Syracuse, when you don’t have a tax base, you’re sending money out of Syracuse. and not just for 30 years-- for the rest of their life because their pensions, their health insurance, their families. so we are funding for other people’s communities to have the promise of the American dream while we are denying it in our community. that’s the context that you, as the mayor, have to look at this under.

so when we talk about renegotiating union contract, what we’re saying is you can’t play around with, “maybe, um, we will--” no. y’all got to go, because you don’t provide a service that is beneficial to the community, that is meaningful to the community. the services that you provide criminalize our community, impoverish our community, reallocate resources to suburbs. we are actually funding the suburbs, both in our police departments and in our schools.

Full live tweet thread of the night (7/11/20) with a lot more video footage, especially of the absolutely ludicrous amounts of tear gas they used