I don't know what I'm doing

Nightwing: hes a riot, RR, gotta respect his commitment to chaos

Batman: same spot as usual?

Oracle: Yep. Oohhh, hes got bananas and watermelon today. I think he was Google best fruit for bats in the library

Robin: no he asked me about that, he was googling how much is safe for them to eat

Theres distorted laughing on the other end of the line

Batman absolutely not upset at all. This is probably the most wholesome interaction hes had with a civilian in years. (Alfred already had a room ready at the manor, unbeknownst to him)

Batman lands stealthily on a rooftop, right on the edge between crime Alley and robbinville. "Fruit Boy", although they mostly call him by Peter too, since he actually responded to that. And also because the last time someone (Read: Spoiler) called his fruit boy, he said she sounded homophobic and hed ruin her street cred. He had put up little Christmas lights for when he waited for Batman so he could find him.

Peter looked behind him just as batman landed. It was suspicious, and maybe running into one too many child assassins had made Bruce weary in his age. Though, its not like Peter actually moved like an assassin... he just seemed to be eerily aware.

Batman only says that because hes seen him trip over nothing, faceplanting into the chili dog with pickles splattering comically all around him. Like a fallen angel, nightwing had said.

Peter peaked up as soon as he saw Batman.

Peter, holding up a platter of fresh fruits for Batman up over his head: Hey! Took you long enough

Batman, smiling lightly: I thought i told you it wasn't safe to keep doing this?

He took a piece of cut up banana regardless.

Peter blew a raspberry.

Peter, eyebrows furrowed: do you know how many calories a bat has to eat a day?

Batman, humorously: how many?

Peter, shrugging: dunno. But i never see you guys eat, so youre probably not hitting the benchmark.

Peter held up a bag of trail mix happily.

Peter: I got some for your birds too!

Laughter exploded on the otherside of the comm. Batman almost chuckled too, but Peter was being earnest. (It was the only time he was earnest, considering he spent the rest of his time roasting Batman and anyone not wearing a full face mask. Which was everyone except Red Hood and Orphan, unfortunately for Batman.)

Batman: thank you Peter, im sure they'll appreciate it.

He ate a couple more pieces of fruit to make Peter happy, but as usual left over half the fruit for Peter. The kid frowned, but had since learned to stop arguing. He seemed to take Bruce not finishing the fruit as him not liking it or some adjacent health problem.

It was like his hand had a mind of its own, Batman watched, unable to stop it as it landed in a mess of brown curls.

Batman panicked, expecting how his kids would normally react. Swatting, a light attempt at stabbing, maybe a bite.

Peter visibly bluescreened, but otherwise seemed to enjoy the touch.

Batman: be safe, okay?

Peter: yeah yeah, wrap it before you tap it, go beat up a mugger or something man

Batman sighed.

This kid was also incapable of taking anything seriously, except the most unserious things. Like feeding Batman fruit and insisting he send trail mix to Robin because hes, quote unquote, "a growing biroy. Get it? I put together bird and boy". He laughed at his own joke for a full seven minutes. Batman had thought he was hit with Joker venom, but no, his humor was really that lame.

Batman shot his grappling hook, showing off a little because it made Peter cheer for him.