wanna laugh and maybe cry

just remembered that i genuinely googled “world’s largest diamond” and “famous cursed gems” yesterday. just my #evilwizardlifestyle

Recession Indicator

…..maybe

sad news, my son Crispin Shopify III saw a picture of me when i was breastfeeding him as a baby. the psychiatrists all agreed that exposure to this act which is potentially incestuous and sexual was equivalent to infinite permanent sexual trauma, and so we've decided to euthanize him and just start again from the beginning. hopefully i wont fuck it up again this time. god bless.

I hate how 3 pm is so close to 2 pm so there's an illusion that there's still time left in the day to do things but in reality 3 pm is also close to 4 pm and if it's close to 4 pm you might as well just wait till tomorrow. <- can't argue against this by the way.

"women under 19" is an interesting way to describe teenagers 15-19

my sons ranked from most to least hard to love

it gets to a point that is just weirder if they didn't fuck

you did all this and it was not even because you wanted to bang him? weirdo

Adds “pissvortex got ratioed by hunter biden” to my list of sentences that would make great sleeper agent activation codes