Tropical Breeze

There are so many thoughts and feelings someone can experience. Guilt is one of those emotions that can eat you alive and it's hard to overcome. Sometimes the guilt hits you and all you can think about is what happened in that situation, how you could of changed what happened and how you should of handled it. It's not easy to make amends with your demons and shake the feeling of guilt and betrayal. I find myself feeling bad for something that happened awhile ago but it never phased me until recently.

Looking back on where I was last year and years ago I have completely changed, I was so sad and hated myself and who I became. But I realized that dwelling on what you can change isn't worth it, look at things in a positive way, change the way you see things. I ended relationships and left the people who were keeping me from my happiness and my true self. I found myself and am working towards happiness. I fell in love with my best friend and I've never been happier, I went back to school and am doing great, I got a promotion at my job and I'm not dwelling on the little things.

It starts off being numb and not acing about anything anymore, not wanting to leave the house and not wanting to talk to anyone or be seen. The isolation kills you and you're so lonely but you just don't care enough to get out of bed. You start feeling gross about yourself and not wanting to be here anymore. When you start to feel happy again whatever is making you unhappy Inside just sucks the life out of you. Than you start to become heartless not caring about anyone or anything and the things you used to love you now hate. The people you used to care about are now slowly fading and you are so sad and depressed you just don't care. But deep down you really do. Smiling makes you feel weird because you haven't smiled in awhile, laughing makes you feel stupid, bein nice just kills you inside because you can't stand the feeling of anyone else feeling happy.

Idont know how much time I have with you or how much longer you'll be around. I don't know if I should be mad about everything and how much shit you've put me through, all the lies, all the mistakes, how much you've impacted my life in a bad way. At the end of it all you're family and regardless I love you and hope you stay around and get healthy.. Love you dad..

I want everything to feel real and worth it. I don't want to just survive I want to live and experience love and the beauty of life, I want to be able to let people in and let them love me and for me to accept that someone actually cares about me and that life is so precious and we should live it to our fullest potential and not take things for granted.

After awhile enough is enough. When your best is never good enough, when you get taken for granted, when you get treated like shit all the time and you just try so hard. I'm done doing everything for everyone, go fuck yourself...