A Real Soup Sandwich

you're my dog and to some extent my wife

We’re all having a midlife crisis leave us be

my beautiful baby who i'm naming untitled document

i can't seem to find my baby

it's easy for me to tell who is possessed by dark spirits and who isnt

whitebaby you can literally just say ass. whitebaby just say "this" instead of butchering aave. whitebaby. whitebaby stop

mario sunshine is coming to nso in august and i cant wait for a whole new generation of people to play it and realize that this game was designed by the actual devil

some of them want to amuse you 😺. some of them want to be amused 😸

Nobody really knows what makes a person go to bed

the thing about those jokes along the lines of “backflips were invented by john backflip in 1725” is that there are lots of john backflips in history, but they were doing so much other stuff that inventing the backflip ended up just a weird footnote. public transit was invented in 1662 by blaise pascal, better known for inventing the mechanical calculator, the pascal (unit of pressure), and the theological principle of pascal’s wager. the lotto was invented by giacomo casanova, better known as mr. fuck

"You could get up early and do it before work" I could also wait for a magic beanstalk to start growing in my living room LMAO. Let's focus on things that happen in the real world