CJ & Co.

I love you pwDID. I love you pwOSDD. I love you pwPDID. I love you pwCDDs.

I love you pwCDDs with personality disorders. I love you pwCDDs with physical disabilities. I love you pwCDDs with psychotic disorders. I love you pwCDDs with other mental disabilities.

I love you transgender pwCDDs. I love you lesbian pwCDDs. I love you intersex pwCDDs. I love you gay pwCDDs. I love you nonbinary pwCDDs. I love you bisexual pwCDDs. I love you multigender pwCDDs. I love you pwCDDs who use contradictory labels for any reason.

And I love you anyone else that I didn't list here.

Except they're upset that we're still trying to prove transmascs and those perceived to be transmascs experience unique forms of oppression rather than being upset that it's been 11 years of people not listening to transmascs about their own experiences.

when the subject at hand is how we're erased in topics that affect and often outright kill us (see: reproductive health, homelessness, sexual assault rates, etc), I don't see anything admirable about going "well, we're still men, so this isn't our place to speak over women." it's speaking over women to say we experience this too?

What are you, a cop?

2. "Why are you a man?"

Seriously. Why should i justify my existence to you?

3. "Why are you a man?"

You sound like the people that want me dead.

4. "Why are you a man?"

You sound like the people that want me to kill myself.

5. "Why are you a man?"

You sound like my mother. Happy Mother's Day, i guess.

6. "Why are you a man?"

You can't just ask someone that. It's transphobic.

8. "Why are you a man?"

How many times have people like me been questioned and scrutinized like this?

9. "Why are you a man?"

When will you stop asking this question?

10. "Why are you a man?"

The person who reblogged this and put it on my dash is someone i knew in real life. I wouldn't take it so seriously, except she frequently posts and reblogs things about how people like me only transition to gain social power, about how we're a blight on real trans people.

11. "Why are you a man?"

I wonder if she wants me dead. If she could look me in the face and repeat all of the hateful shit she posts. I'm some five to ten years younger than her.

12. "Why are you a man?"

I used to idolize her. Someone who was so unapologetically herself despite having weathered more years than me. I hadn't met many queer people older than me then.

13. "Why are you a man?"

I crocheted cat paws and gave them to her, just because she said she liked them. Sewed on toe beans and everything. They were the first wearable i ever made, i think.

14. "Why are you a man?"

I looked at the OP too. She's not any better. What she posts about people like me, i mean. I tried to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, i really did. Maybe the post just wasn't for me. Except i get the feeling it was. OP reblogs and says "everyone needs to ask themselves this", and i guess im part of everyone.

15. "Why are you a man?"

It still sounds transphobic. It doesn't matter if it comes from the mouth of someone who transitioned, too.

16. "Why are you a man?"

OP asks this fifty times. I don't know that i have fifty responses in me.

17. "Why are you a man?"

My mom asks this question. She thinks that I'm just going through a phase. That in ten years I'll regret this.

18. "Why are you a man?"

She says i can't transition. That she won't allow me to. She says only if i can get a note from a therapist, after a full year of looking at it in therapy.

19. "Why are you a man?"

Nevermind that i can't afford a full year of therapy. Or that i can't get to a therapist, because of my visual impairment preventing me from driving a car. That's America, baby.

20. "Why are you a man?"

Could i even find a therapist who knew how to discuss this? Or would it just be them, asking me this question?

21. "Why are you a man?"

I mean obviously she could've meant conversion therapy. I don't think that'd help.

22. "Why are you a man?"

And therapy is a scam, anyways. I'm a psych major, I'd know. You can't trust a therapist. You say too much and suddenly you're locked up in an asylum.

23. "Why are you a man?"

There's actually a really interesting history between trans men and institutionalization. Or at least, i figure there must be. There's almost no literature about us. I wonder where we went. Where we were. There's plenty of transfemme literature.

24. "Why are you a man?"

I wonder if we were asked this question. I wonder if it's a privilege to even be asked this question, before they lock me away for being hysterical. I wonder if that's what progress is.

25. "Why are you a man?"

There's an abandoned insane asylum at my school. We call it South Campus. Some of the braver students go and explore it. I hear they use it as a movie set too.

26. "Why are you a man?"

Personally, i couldn't stomach the thought of going there. There's not much difference between me and those ghosts. Too much baggage.

27. "Why are you a man?"

My worst fear is being institutionalized. I don't know if I've ever told you that.

28. "Why are you a man?"

Maybe that's why. Why I'm a man, i mean. It's thematic to my character arc, my being afraid of being put in an asylum.

29. "Why are you a man?"

I think that's probably part of why it seems like people like me are lesser trans people, right? I mean,

30. "Why are you a man?"

Throughout most of history, if a woman tried to start dressing like a man, there'd be consequences.

31. "Why are you a man?"

It's not like he'd have any recourse. The woman, i mean. He's property. Belongs to his father or his husband. That's what god says, right?

32. "Why are you a man?"

So even if it were a crime to forcibly impregnate him, and in most places most times it's not a crime, he can't seek justice. After all, that's his duty, as a wife.

33. "Why are you a man?"

Obviously it's allowed to a certain extent. It's what we call a tomboy. But who decides how much is too much?

34. "Why are you a man?"

Where's the line between 'kids, am i right?' And 'she's hysterical. You ought to seek mental help for her.'

35. "Why are you a man?"

And how long do i get to be a man? That ends when my mother decides this has gone on long enough, that I'm mentally unwell. I'll be just another hysterical woman locked away.

36. "Why are you a man?"

I mean, it happened to my friend, last year. His family said he strayed too far from god. Pulled him out of school. Cut us all off and locked him away.

37. "Why are you a man?"

So there's not as much opportunity to write literature, and contribute to "trans culture". When most of your community are under the control of their parents and husbands. When it's not safe for them to be the men they are.

38. "Why are you a man?"

That person who reblogged the original post, she says that trans men don't contribute anything meaningful to trans culture, that all we do is steal the culture of trans women.

39. "Why are you a man?"

I wish we had the chance to develop our own. We had that little golden era in 2020, i mean. People still post about it. Boys who play ukulele covers of cavetown songs. People who stray away from cisfemininity and name themselves Bug and Arson.

40. "Why are you a man?"

What do you mean that's not culture? That that's gross and cringe?

41. "Why are you a man?"

I wish i wasn't. I wish i could be anything else. I wish i was cis. I wish it was that easy.

42. "Why are you a man?"

I don't know. I'm sorry.

43. "Why are you a man?"

I wish i wasn't. It's hard. Things are bad.

44. "Why are you a man?"

If i gave up, would you be happier?

45. "Why are you a man?"

Because i have to be.

46. "Why are you a man?"

Whatever happened to "it's not a choice"? Was that only for gay men?

47. "Why are you a man?"

My friend scolded me for using the word choose. It's as easy as breathing for him. His parents are accepting and his healthcare will cover it, and that's that. He's having top surgery this summer.

48. "Why are you a man?"

Being a man isn't a choice, but choosing to transition instead of dying sure is- at least, i have to choose to do this again and again and again even though it's hard, even though it'd be easier to give up.

49. "Why are you a man?"

It'd be easier, to lay down and die. I know this like i know that the sky is blue.

50. "Why are you a man?"

I am a man because I'm choosing to be a man instead of dying. Because i choose to live. To love. To be myself. I am choosing myself again and again and again, even though they might lock me away for it. Because that's who i am. Because i want to grow old. Because i want to live, and not just be alive but to truly experience life. The same reason the OP transitioned, i imagine.

this isn't an original thought, I know, but clearly people keep forgetting it. dormancy and fusion are not "death" and should not be viewed as such. they're signs of healing. they're signs of recovery.

and why do so many genuine systems fear it or feel the need to censor talk around it? endogenic rhetoric. endos always focus on the alters part of the disorder, so of course they prioritize having alters, and losing that is like losing a loved one to them.

the thing is, in regards to endos, they never had them to begin with. for them, there's nothing to lose.

I understand dormancy can be scary. fusion can feel depressing if you were close to the alter who fused. but ultimately it's a good thing.

alters are not natural. I cannot emphasize this enough. we are not meant to exist. if we were not traumatized as a child, I would not exist. I would not be writing this post.

dormancy and fusion are signs of healing. we need to start treating it as a good thing instead of the scariest thing you've ever heard of.