We are the wolves that Hecate fed

I love how bad Astarion is with his cover story. You meet him and he's like "I'm a magistrate" then he stealths, disarms a trap, double dashes and backstabs a goblin all while giggling about spilling blood and you're just like hm yeah that's the legal system for you

Ain’t baby yoda that Russian witch who lives in the house with chicken feet

So not knowing the reference, i googled “Russian witch house” and I’ll be damned. Turns out that’s a whole genre of music.

I laughed harder than I should have

the mormon really jumps out in this paragraph

I had a dream I had a secret brother no one knew about and I found out by looking myself up on Wikipedia and listed in the siblings section was someone named “Gourd Jingle”

my favorite thing about this post is the tags because its 10% “ummmm if he was secret how did wikipedia know about it” and 90% “im gourd jingle”

me: [sees a moth continuously ram itself into the light in my kitchen] mothman…….if ur out there…..get ur dumb kid out of my kitchen and pls help them they’ve been doing this for 10 minutes

Girl’s night out (of body experience)

old enough to remember when smut was called ‘lemons’ but young enough that i had absolutely no business knowing that smut was called ‘lemons’ at the time 

18 for me and only one of them due to an allergy

22 are total nope, and maybe another three are only acceptable under very specific circumstances.

SCREAMING GSDJKFHGFDSKHJGDFKJGHSKDJFHG